


Effects of 10kg

by StardustClearwater



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Action/Adventure, Existential Crisis, F/M, Gen, Humor, Maybe some Romance, Self-Acceptance, Self-Harm, Self-Insert, Snark, robot self insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-06-02 18:13:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 46,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6577204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StardustClearwater/pseuds/StardustClearwater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What's the weirdest thing that can happen? What makes a woman a woman? What's a small robot to do in the face of those questions? Who knows? But when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Just make sure its actually lemons first and not something gross, like thirty year old socks. This is the story of me. A SI/OC fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The Powers That Be do exist it seems. 

Sometimes they interfere directly with the otherwise insignificant lifeforms that make up the cosmos.

How can I say this? Well I’m being held four feet off the ground by a large spikey creature that I have never seen before. 

_ “What the hell is this thing? It’s not like any mech I’ve ever seen.” _

_ “Who knows? Everyone was fighting over the crate it was in.  No sign of any external damage from the explosion.” _

//Turian//

Or so says something from my head. Not really sure what that is but give me time and I’ll figure it out.

I always do.

After I stop feeling like I've got the flu. My head is spinning and I feel like my body is full of lead. My brain is also doing a good job of metaphorically spilling out of my ears.

I used to believe that the existence of honey was proof that god existed. After all, how else could something so useful and healthy come into existence. Seriously the stuff is great. It’s delicious, full of nutrition, antibacterial and a great medical dressing. Not to mention it has an insanely long shelf life.

Damn, I should’ve used that argument for my public speaking class. That would’ve made for a nice long speech.

Wait. No. Focus. 

I say that because being suspended in the air by a turian would normally raised a few eyebrows. Or a million.

But it doesn’t.

Why?

Because I’m about the size of a lapdog and this place is full of them. 

How did I end up in this situation? Hell if I know. 

The last thing I remember is changing the water for my fish tank. Then I blink and I’m being snatched up and interrogated by a turian.

Urgh. Suspension does  _ not _ reduce nausea. 

_ “This thing doesn’t match anything in our databases, nothing on the market anyway.” _

Their voices are kind of gravelly and their words are strange. It’s like they have two tones or something like that. I can’t see the other one that I’m hearing. But the one holding me has these really neat marks on its face. Kind of like a blue circuit stripe running across the nose. I wonder if it means anything?

//Clan markings//

See, there it is again. Somehow I know things. I don’t know how I know these things, but I do. I hate when that happens. It’s really creepy. It’s usually wrong too. I don’t want to think about it too much.

It hurts my head.

_ “Standard procedure is to send it to the lab back at headquarters. Try to see if there are more of them.” _

_ “The lab better not take too long with this. I wonder they were fighting so hard to get to it.” _

Then the other voice disappeared. Not sure how I know that either, but my guess is that I was listening to a telephone conversation of some sort. 

The turian shoved me under his blue armored armpit as he combed through the area again with renewed vigor.

Looking for clues I guess. 

I think it might have something to do with the fact that the area was once a warehouse and was currently a pile of burnt scrap. Maybe he was looking for the one who blew it up or perhaps he was looking for information that may have been left behind. Aside from me anyway.

How do I know this anyway?

Well, you’d think being stuck in someone’s armored armpit would hurt and you’d be right. That is, if you were made of flesh. 

It didn’t hurt me because I’m not all soft and squishy anymore. I’m made of metal. It’s kind of how I found out.

I’m really trying not to think about it too much. 

I don’t really feel much of anything. I guess that means I still have nerves so that’s good. Right? The armor pressing against me is less like being jabbed by a bad cosplay and more like the memory of being jabbed by a bad cosplay.  _ What else can’t I feel?  _ I wonder.

It’s not bothering me. It is definitely NOT bothering me. Even if it was, now isn’t the time to go over it. 

I don’t want to think about it.

I turn my attention back to the guy holding me. Watching him pick through the wreckage. 

He’s picking through every little nook and cranny, even the under the piles of soot. Maybe it’s a turian thing? To pay such close attention to details. I can’t imagine being able to do that. I could never focus on anything for long periods of time. Except when I could, then I would ignore everything else.

That’s ADD for you I guess. 

It’s easier to watch him run everything through his glowing arm thing-

//Omnitool//

-Even if it isn’t anything interesting. Even if it’s making me feel worse. Must be the light or something. It’s kind of obnoxious and it makes me feel like I’m strapped in a dental chair and the doctor is picking at a cavity.

Putting it like that isn’t helping either.

Alas, the sudden change in circumstances, body, and health prove too much for me and I feel myself slipping into unconsciousness. 

Staying awake is too much effort and while I could probably make it happen I don’t really want to. I must’ve fallen asleep watching a movie or something, if I’m dreaming of aliens and explosives.

* * *

 

“Vakarian! I don’t care how valuable the mech from SynTell was. It was not worth it to blow up the facility to stop a bunch of mercs!”

“Sir! I got the leader-”

“Do you have any idea how much damage you caused! One bounty is Not worth millions in damage!”

“Yes sir.”

“I should fire you. You are a loose cannon and you have repeatedly shown a disregard for regulations. But since this last raid wasn’t a total loss consider yourself lucky.”

“Yes sir.”

“You’re on guard duty.”

The younger turian opened his mouth to protest, but abandoned the act and bowed his head in submission. “Yes sir.”

* * *

 

I sleep in funny positions and I kick at night. At least, I know some of my friends have told me as much. Something about kicking the walls and waking them up during sleepovers. It’s why I’m usually at least semi aware of where my arms and legs are when I’m sleeping. This awareness is also how I realized that I should probably get my legs and arms out from underneath me before I wake up all stiff and sore in the morning.

So I twisted from beneath the blanket, onto my side. Or rather, at least I tried. 

I seem to be stuck on something.

It takes some effort but I sit up and squint at the room.

This time it was a bunch of amphibians running about and waving their omnitools at me. Wow, dream within a dream. Didn’t know that stuff actually happened outside of really badly written movies.

I blinked blearily at them trying to make sense of what’s going on. On one hand, I don’t feel sick to my stomach anymore. On the other hand, I have one nasty case of tinnitus. I hate when that happens. It’s always when I’m trying to listen for something important. I hate waking up within another dream.

It makes my head hurt.

The waving lights aren’t helping my headache. Ugh. It looks like orange is just as obnoxious in my dreams as it is in real life.

Also “Will you cut that out? I hate orange and I’m trying to sleep.” I barked at the one waving right in front of my face.

It blinked in surprise before abruptly shutting off the light. 

“Thanks.” Then I closed my eyes again.

* * *

 

“I’ve extracted as much as I can before the security system shut me out. I’m decrypting it now.” Said the the lab tech. Sepin Zisal, age thirteen, was a recent addition to C-sec. He had come highly recommended for his skill in tech. Garrus liked him, he worked fast, wasn’t a stickler for rules and had always got straight to the point. “Sadly, 95 percent of the data I retrieved is either corrupted, encrypted, or buried in in junk data. I might not be able to get much more than fragments.”

“Anything is better than nothing I suppose.” Sighed Garrus. “So what are they? Synthetic or organic?”

“Neither actually. They have a partially organic nervous system. You are looking at the first known Biosynthetic creations. You made a good call bringing them back.”

“Are they dangerous?”

“Hard to tell. I can’t get any information on armaments or attack programs. Some of them have claws and other cutting implements but they seem to be purely utilitarian. They do have setae on their legs though, so they might escape through the windows or air vents.” Answered the salarian as he tapped out something on his onmitool. “I can’t get a good read on the personalities. Most of them seem to sentient to a degree. The one you brought in personally actually reactivated itself during the examination.

“That doesn’t sound good. Did anyone get hurt?”

“Not at all. It only broke the maximum grade restraints we used to secure it, and demanded that I shut off my omnitool because it didn’t like the color and it wanted to sleep.” Chuckled the salarian.

Garrus blinked in surprise. That wasn’t something he expected of a mech. He half expected it to go berserk and attack everyone or at the very least, hack the onmitool. ”...Really?” 

“Yes. Then it flopped over on its side again and became inactive. Unfortunately it was the only one with such a reaction. I have had it placed in a separate area for observation. The other biosynthetics you brought back became erratic shortly after they were activated.“

Garrus gestured for Sepin to elaborate.

The salarian rolled his eyes and continued .“Howling, screeching, screaming, uncontrolled thrashing, attempts at self harm. Signs that match up with hysteria or psychosis in most sentient species. The less erratic ones were more animalistic. Like varren, canines, felines, and other semi domesticated animals. I recommend armor and protective ear pieces when dealing with them.”

“That explains the noise from downstairs.” The turian slunk into his office and began filling out the necessary paperwork. The raid had been a success but the resulting paperwork would keep him trapped in the office for days. Not to mention he was stuck with guard duty for the foreseeable future. “I’m going to need a drink dealing with these.”

“Indeed. Drink after they become inactive or else some of them might try and drink with you.” Replied Sepin.

The two of them worked in companionable silence until the salarian made a discovery. “Garrus come here. I found some audio journal entries from the talking mech!”

Garrus jumped out of his seat, happy for a chance to stretch his legs and rushed over. 

Sepin glanced at him in amusement then began playing the entries.

‘------ is functioning as a proof of concept. Unit one is stable. We will be going forward with this model for all future tests.’

‘----- Tests show that keeping the structure close to the organic form will minimize stress and malfunction. Certain instincts can’t be erased no matter what method we use. -------- unethical. It’s our responsibility to care for them. We will be moving on to----’

‘Damn it! Damn it all! They stole it right out from under us! I will not lose to the likes of Harper and Lawson! Tomorrow we begin the new stage------’

‘----are not doing that! It’s creepy as fuck! We’re sticking to the quadrupedal form! Period!’

‘--- has resulted in the breakdown and subsequent malfunctioning of all the test subjects. We will not be using this in the future. Put it with the rest for study.’

‘Subject C455 has activated sucessfully.’

‘------- are all showing signs of sentience.’

‘Citadel law bans the creation of  A.I. There is nothing about Biosynthetics.’

‘The integration has failed. Subject C455 has gone berserk. Setting off self destruct program now.’

‘For the sake of their mental health, organic sensations must be replicated as closely as possible. Extraneous functions are secondary to that.’

‘Sensory perceptions are accurate. Dietary needs minimal. Leftovers are converted and dehydrated into incomplete nutrient pill.------------ says it’s better then rations.’

‘Several of my co workers have lost their hearing with the activation of Subject C509, we will----’

‘-----Made a move on my son. I’m running out of time. This next unit will be his bodyguard and watcher. It will grow with him where I cannot. It will succeed where I have failed. It will----’

‘-----not enough------ too---- crushed skull. Dr. Sa---- couldn’t be saved.’

‘I have high hopes for this one. The integration was successful.’

‘I will burn in hell for what I have done. Subject ------ shows signs of recall from prior death. ---------- Have doomed it to a cruel and painful existence-------- all attempts at memory erasure have failed-------- becoming suspicious.’

‘They took Torrence. I have failed as a father-------- give them------ or-----’

‘I have destroyed my research or as much of it as I can. My son is dead. I pin my final hopes ------- are coming for me.’

The two of them looked at each other. The journal entries painted a rather morbid picture of the mechs. Correction, biosynthetics. One of them was obviously sentient and, from what he could pick out, aware of her organic origins on some level. What was he going to tell Pallin? What was he going to tell the counsel? They’re sure to want access to them. 

Garrus paced the room several times while he sorted through his thoughts. He needed to figure out what to do with them. Preferably in a way that won’t end with him jobless, bankrupt, and crippled by the mechs.

He also had to hide it since the information was obviously valuable and thus the target of multiple corporations. Of course he  _ could _ use them as bait to lure out the targets. That would have to wait though seeing as he’s on probation. 

One of the entries stated quite clearly that organic lives must be simulated or else they become erratic and dangerous. Which meant that he’d have to keep them in his office, or move his things to where they are being kept.

Sepin cut through his thoughts once more. “Brain signals indicate that the talking one is about to wake again. Would you like to meet it?”


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up again to a completely different room from before.

It wasn’t my bedroom either. The room was mostly empty save for the table on which I was sitting, a rug on the floor, a poster on the wall that I could somehow read despite it not being any language I recognize, and an unlit light bulb hanging from the ceiling. The blue, gray and white color scheme reminded me of my elementary school halls, though I’m almost certain I’m not in a school. It was too quiet for that.

It also didn’t reek of the crappy school lunch. I count that as a blessing. That stuff always grossed me out a little, mostly because a bug crawled out of my salad once.

Okay what the fuck is going on here? I can lucid dream and I’ve always been able to wake myself before. Why isn’t it working?

I stood up to walk and I realized something as I fell off the table and my face hit the floor. I was still a four legged robot and my legs are still in the wrong places for bipedalism. At least I could sit up like a human.

I looked down at my arms and legs. They were long and cylindrical, fingerless, and from what I could see, a very shiny metallic white. That wasn’t good, how was I supposed to interact with things if I couldn’t hold them?

I shook my head to dismiss the thought.

Do not think about it.

My legs looked like cat legs. Or rather horse legs, due to the lack of phalanges. I bent one out of curiosity, trying to get an idea of how well it moved. Smooth, clean and silent. So far, so good.

My back legs are another story. Rather than the human plantigrade legs, the ones I had were digigrade animal legs. The joints felt wrong, even if they were in the right position to support weight. My knee was much higher than what I am used to and my shin bone much shorter. That’s another thing actually, I didn’t have toes. It was really weird to not have something you grew up with. I gave it a few flexes to see what I’m working with.

The best way I could describe it, is that it felt like I had to get used to working with my toes. Which was weird because I didn’t really have any.

Do Not Think About It. Do Not Ponder It.

I looked around the room to see if I can find some sort of reflective surface so I can at least figure out what my face looked like. It sounds stupid, but I’m not really used to my body being behind my head rather than underneath it. You’d be surprised at how weird it is when your head turns differently than you’re used to.

Alright. Alright. Better figure out how to walk on four legs before something bad happens and I end up crippled and in pieces. Wow. That sounds so much more morbid now that I’m a robot.

How do I do this anyway? Was this one of those centipede’s dilemmas? It would really suck if it was.

Okay Okay. Enough Dawdling.

Weight on one foreleg. Weight on other. Lean forward and get my rear legs in position.

Okay. I was standing now.

Wow.

That was easy! I feel great! I jumped in excitement and nearly face planted again. Right, quadruped. I have to remember to distribute my weight correctly when I jump as well as when I land.

I looked back at the table I woke on. It looked much bigger from the floor. I’m going to assume that my sense of scale is off too. Stupid dream logic.

I tentatively took a step forward. Then another. And another. Until I got used to walking. I was tempted to stand up straight but I figured that I should get used to the body first before trying that. I’m sure I looked ridiculous marching around like a horse.

It’s hard to hell the passage of time without a clock, so I can’t say how long I paced in the room in silence. Naturally, with nothing to do but pace, I got bored pretty fast.

Believe it or not, I actually got bored enough to try dancing. Yes, I decided to try dancing despite only getting used to walking. I figured ‘Hey! Why the hell not? It’s not like I had anything else to do anyway.‘

Of course dancing isn’t fun without music and considering the ridiculous situation I’ve found myself in, I figured there was no song that fit the situation better than Nyan Cat.

It totally wasn’t because I was daydreaming and the song got stuck in my head and won’t go away. Nope. Definitely not.

* * *

 

The sudden blast of music reverberating through C-Sec headquarters caused everyone to jump out of their seats.

Before anyone could start pointing fingers. Terran’s voice emanated from the intercomm. “No need to panic. It’s just a dancing mech. We are taking care of it now.”

* * *

 

Still, the song was as catchy as I remembered it, even more so when the volume was cranked up. I felt myself start bobbing, then dancing to the bouncy beat.

I was about to start jogging again when the door opened and two giants came in. I recognized them as the turian that picked me up and the salarian that woke me up. They look a whole lot taller from the ground.

Oh, they don’t look too happy. Uh… Quick do something that won’t result in dismemberment!

I stood up straight to the best of my ability. “Hi Welcome to Michael's Arts and Crafts! How may I be of assistance!” I chirped.

Wait what? Why did I say that? I’m not on the register, or at work for that manner. “Uh… I’m not.. Ummm… Please ignore that.” I added sheepishly. At least my voice was still the same as always. I probably would’ve cried if I sounded like a robot. “So where am I?”

The two aliens glances at each other and then turned back to me.

“You are in Citadel Security headquarters.” The turian spoke first. His words were completely unfamiliar to me. They sounded a bit like guttural chirping crossed with latin, yet I somehow understood them just the same. “Please turn down the music. It’s disturbing my colleagues and shaking the building.”

My brow furrowed in confusion at his words. Music? What music? I don’t have a music player. Wait… Nyan Cat? My eyes widened. “Has Nyan Cat been playing out loud?”

“Yes.” Replied the Salarian. “Several colleagues are now complaining about it being stuck in their head. It’s very catchy you see..”

“Oh.” What Could I say? That I didn’t know that playing the song in my head would mean playing it out loud? That I was dreaming? The truth I guess. “I didn’t know I could play music out loud.”

“Oh we are aware. Some of your files have indicated repeated failed memory wipes. A large portion of your memory is likely corrupted because of it.” Said the salarian at break neck speed. “You have left us in a bit of a bind seeing as no one knows what to do with you. There are no laws regarding Biosynthetics and while it’s protocol to contain and destroy rogue AI there is no such thing for an organic victim.”

“I am not going to lie. I have no idea what you just said.” Seriously, he talks faster than ME on expresso. “But seeing as I’m a robot in the middle of nowhere as opposed to being in my bedroom I’m going to assume that I am either dreaming, or something horrific has happened to me. If it’s the latter, I do not want to know as it would probably be hazardous to my health.”

I paused for  few moments to let it sink in. “Now that that’s over with. We should probably introduce ourselves. It’s kind of rude to just call you turian and salarian with the orange light in my head.”

“Garrus Vakarian. C-sec Detective”

“C-sec?”

“An abbreviation. I am Sepin Zisal. Tech specialist. Now who might you be?” He asked. He seemed really excited for some reason. I wonder why. After all, I’m surrounded by aliens. I can’t be that special can I?

“Oh. Hi Mister Vakarian. Mister Zisal. I’m L-” Then I stop.

What was my name?

I know I have one. But What was my name? WHAT WAS MY NAME?

Why didn’t I know it?

I felt myself sag into the ground. I didn’t like my name much but it was still my name.

I felt a headache beginning to form.

You know what? I’m not going to think about it.

“I- I I-can’t remember.” I confessed. “I don’t. I knew it a minute ago. And now I don’t. I don’t understand.” But I had to go by something. I didn’t want to be called something stupid or rude. I just knew that someone would try to name me something dumb like Dickhead or something. ”It started with L. I know that. Uh….. Can I get back to you on that? Ummm.. Anyway, Pleased to meet you.”

“Likewise. Until you recall your name I will address you as Subject 843 as noted in the file.”

At this point I realized that them having a file on me was probably not a good thing.

“Might I ask why you have a file on me?”

“That’s classified information.” Said Vakarian. “We believe that given your circumstances, it may be best for you to recover before telling you the contents. You have sustained a degree of damage to your memory database.”

Database? What database?

Oh, right. I’m a robot and I don’t know my name. I can’t really deny that I guess. What do I do now?

I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t trust what strangers say. Especially since my memory is on the fritz. But I got a good vibe from from Mr. Vakarian. Something told me that he could be trusted. It was the same thing that let me know about turians and salarians and stuff.

I don’t want to think about how I know that.

Dream logic can be pretty weird.

“I have a question. C-Sec. Is that the police? Or a private security company?” I asked. Because I’ve never heard of it. Although it does resonate with something inside me.  It took a few moments, but the answer to my own question came to me just like before. “Wait never mind. I know the answer. Somehow.” I felt my ears twitch in annoyance. “Dream logic is weird.” I muttered under my breath.

The two of them glance at each other and Vakarian spoke again. “What makes you think you are dreaming?” He asked in that ‘don’t anger the crazy person’ tone.

“Well, I’m surrounded by creatures that I’ve never seen but I somehow know about. Answers keep popping into my head which is disturbing. My legs are in the wrong place and I’m made of metal.” I began listing. The more I thought about it, the more I could find holes in the dream. Seriously, normally I would’ve have woken up by now. Something is definitely up. I could feel myself becoming slightly hysterical as I neared the end of my rant.  “Everything feels dull and muted. Plus I’m sparkling pearly white and bald!”

I blinked in dismay and slammed my hand into my face.

Did I seriously just… Complain about being bald? Where did that one come from?

On another note, my face feels funny too.

Forgetting the present company I begin feeling up my face. It’s not flat like the face of a human, it’s more pointed broad. A little like a cat’s head but different. Wow, I really need to find a mirror. I trailed my hand over to where I felt my ears move. They weren’t the flat wrinkly things that I had taken for granted. They were long and pointed a little like rabbit ears, but not flat.

Am I seriously a robot space cabbit? Seriously?

Okay Okay. Enough is enough.

Welp. Nothing else has worked, so there’s only one thing left. I put my arm into my mouth and began chewing it.

It hurt a little, but not enough. I was still dreaming.

Keep chewing.

I think a part of the metal has actually separated from the rest of my arm. I can feel it sticking up a little in my tongue.

I grip the part that was sticking out and pull the piece off.

My arm felt like it was on fire. It hurt. It stung. A voice from somewhere screamed for me to stop. But I didn’t.

Pain.

Now that was more familiar.

I looked down expecting to see blood flowing out of the wound or at the very least, subcutaneous fats sitting atop muscle.

I saw neither.

I saw a mass of lights drifting from section to section via several wires. I saw a several metallic rods arranged in such a manner so as to support the hoof like cylindrical structure that now made up my arm.

But my arm throbbed.

Why wasn’t I waking up?

I can’t say how long I stared at my self-inflicted injury. But I stared for quite a while as everything else fell away from my mind. Eventually the world turned sideways on me and I fell into darkness.

* * *

 

Garrus watched in shock as Subject 843 went from carrying a bizarre but understandable conversation to suddenly trying to rip up her leg. The transition was so sudden that he couldn’t even react until she collapsed.

The mech had been remarkably expressive and life like. Its large round eyes had literally lit up when he entered the room. The pupils displayed in the eyes dilated and constricted throughout the conversation as it processed the information.

The reactions to everything were also organic.

If he listened to the audio file he wouldn’t have known she was partially synthetic at all. Her voice has no robotic intonations.

Fortunately for him and Sepin, the damage done to herself was mostly minor and cosmetic. Nothing that couldn’t be fixed between himself and the salarian.

Apparently Syntell wasn’t kidding when they strove to make them as lifelike as possible. Subject 843 even had teeth and a tongue despite not needing them to speak.

Garrus glanced at the security feeds. Subject 843 was still inert from the outburst earlier. How ever Subject 24 and Subject 13 had reactivated and were currently chewing their restraints and howling. “Spirits.” He moaned as he realized just how bad things could get. “I’m in charge of guarding a bunch of deranged mechs and the only sane one just tried to rip off her arm.”

“That was unfortunate but not entirely unexpected.” Mused Sepin. He tapped a few things into his omnitool before continuing. “It confirms my suspicions regarding the breakdowns. Mental strain of sudden shift in paradigms likely overwhelmed the psyche. It explains the violent and self destructive behavior in the older ones.”

“Yeah. The strain of being turned into one of those things must be incredible.” Garrus couldn’t really help but feel bad for the overall situation. It would be more merciful to end their existence. Unfortunately his hands were tied until the Pallin and the council could decide what to do with them. “Did you manage to record the process at least? Figure out a way to stabilize them so they don’t go on a rampage?”

“I have some data recorded. But I suspect that for subject 843 at least, there may be a chance she can self stabilize. She is definitely the most advanced one out of all of them.” Sepin bounced in excitement. “I could publish a paper on this and win dozens of awards! Oh this is wonderful! Genuine biosynthetic creatures! Imagine the possibilities!” He continued babbling in excitement before catching himself and calming down. “Ah… That was unbecoming of me. I shouldn’t take advantage of a victim’s circumstances.  I apologize.”

“Sure.” Garrus glanced at him warily before gesturing for a report. “What did you pick up and just how organic are they?”

The salarian pulled up several charts. “Subject 843 seems be 90 percent synthetic. Only the nervous system is mostly organic with cybernetic enhancements. If you compare my charts with the feeds you will notice that the spikes in brain activity line up with her expressions of disbelief, shock and horror. Patterns in brain waves indicate either a young adult or a late adolescent, which also lines up with her current behavior.”

What a mess.

“The lesser subjects vary between 95 and 80 percent. Assuming I am interpreting the journal entries correctly, the majority of them are proof of concepts.” Sepin dismisses his charts and returns to his stack of reports. “They cannot do much more than they are already doing.”

Which meant that the mechs chained in the cells can definitely be aggressive and noisy but are easily contained.

“I cannot say the same for the greater subjects.”

At this point another officer popped into the office. “Vakarian. Zisal. The executor wants to see you.”

* * *

 

I can’t say I knew how long I was out.

I really can’t.

I just knew that when I opened my eyes again, I was in the same room as before.

And I was still a robot.

My eyes trained on my arm which rested in front of me.

It was back to its original state but I could see several scuff marks where I had bitten it. It kind of hurt. Which was good. It meant that I could still feel.

I’m still a robot.

Time is passing.

I’m still me.

Right?

I knew my biology though. I had to take a bunch of courses in college.

I knew a bit of psychology too. I knew how much the biological processes influenced the psyche.

Do not think about it. Do not ponder it.

I tried to shake the thoughts out of my head, but I found I didn’t have the energy for it.

I wanted to get up. I wanted to do something. Anything to stop the thoughts running through my head.

Anything to avoid the growing existential problem.

Drawing? I don’t have fingers. Only phantom sensations.

Running? I’m a quadruped.

Dancing? My center of balance is different from before. I’d fall on my face.

There wasn’t anything for me to do.

So I remained where I was, and pondered the nature of my existence.

Was I really alive? Or Am I dead? I am thinking so I’m definitely alive, even if it’s not the scientific definition of alive. Maybe I am alive just in a way that no one else is. I guess maybe that means I’d have to eat soon.  

I had a tail too.

Somehow I’d missed that when I was running around the table. My tail.

Suddenly I was acutely aware of it. I felt the end of it twitch when I realized this.

What else could I do? Did I have claws somewhere on me too? I’d feel them right?

I tightened my fist as I normally would and looked down at my han- foreleg. Maybe there was something I could see?

Nothing.

I flexed my fingers and wiggled them. I’m fairly certain I felt something moving.

But I didn’t see anything.

Oh. I guess I imagined it then.

Okay, going along that route makes me depressed. I’m just going to assume that I do have phalanges of some sort and that I’ll find them later. It makes not being able to draw or crochet a whole lot less painful.

I sighed and wondered if I was actually sighing or if I was just being a robot. I chose to believe it was the latter. At the very least, I can go and explore underwater without worrying about an air supply.

Or maybe not. I’m just as likely to be locked up in a room.

I don’t know what to think.

I rolled onto my stomach and slammed my face into the ground. It hurt, and for a moment I almost saw stars. But they faded and I was left with the sensation of falling. It was much like the feeling that you get when you fall asleep.

Honestly, who else has been in this situation?

I’m hoping this is another dream, that the falling feeling meant that I was about to wake up.

But my hopes were dashed when it didn’t happen. I suppose I’ll try again later.

Still, something told me that I wasn’t awake anymore and while I could still feel the room I was in, I kind of agreed.

I could move within my head, as weird as that sounded. Huh.

Was I dreaming inside of a dream?

No.

I wasn’t.

A dream would’ve meant surreal things that made no sense. It would’ve meant I was somewhere at the very least.

There was nothing.

I only saw a vast expanse of darkness. Somehow despite there not being anything to indicate it, I knew I was in a wide open space that had some stuff in it that I couldn’t see.

It honestly felt a bit like a videogame matrix, but that couldn’t be right.

Could it?

But right as I thought this something happened. Everything seemed to flicker for a moment and a figure appeared.

It was maybe the size of a large house cat. Pearly white and slightly translucent. It had a broad flattish head and very large eyes with a single lense in between them, four blunt legs that arranged it into a sitting position and a tail the same length as its entire body. It had long rabbit like ears protruding from its head.

It was me. Sort of.

I looked down at myself in this dreamlike world and saw my own human fingers. I was in the same clothes before I woke up here. My black hoodie, my favorite black and white striped shirt, and running shorts.

I paused for a few moments and tried to feel where my physical everything was. My hands and legs were still where I left them. My non existent fingers twitched from somewhere and so did my tail. I wonder if I have toes.

Weird. I guess in my head, I could still be me. That was a comfort to know. Even if it was usually true for people anyway.

I looked at my figure model self thing for a few moments before I noticed something.

Hovering just beneath it was a plaque of sorts.

It was covered in a crap ton of -something-.

I have no clue what it was.

Wait, no. That’s a lie.

That’s my character sheet, for the lack of a better term. It lines up with what I know about myself and what I can remember. Which really isn’t much.

_Current Designation:_

_Name: L-[CORRUPTED]_

_Gender: FEMALE_

_Purpose: GUARDIAN_

_Date of activation: 4/13/2180 [CORRUPTED]_

_Armaments: NONE_

_Current Utilities: Biometric scanner, Music player, [CORRUPTED]_

I rubbed away at the Utilities section, trying to remove the gunk. If I took Sepin at his word, my guess would be that this was the corruption that he spoke of. A little bit came off after a while revealing the words biometric scanner.

Okay. Sure. That sounds like it would be handy. As soon as I figure out how to use it anyway.

I scrub at the section where my name was covered but nothing happened. That stain looked like it was ground in and it would take more than a few moments worth of cleaning to clear it up.

I felt my shoulders sag in disappointment. I don’t know why, since nothing is ever this easy.

Still, I could get back to it later.

In the meantime I think I’ll just sit here and enjoy being human for a little while

Yeah.

I think I’ll do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually meant to post this earlier today but things kind of happened and I forgot about it. I know I have a problem with info dumping early into stories and I'm trying to rectify that.
> 
> I still have plot bunnies. But hopefully this isn't too weird or stuff.
> 
> Either way, I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> leave a comment. ^_^  
> Also if someone can tell me how to do that screwy data corruption type face, that would be appreciated.


	3. Dog Days

After I finished clearing up whatever I could in my mind space I figured it was time to go and greet the sun.

I woke up again to see a bunch of legs on my eye. 

Now, I don’t like things on my face and while I’m fine with spiders, I really don’t like it when they touch me.

Or when they surprise me.

Naturally, I screamed at the top of my lungs and wiped the damn thing off before jumping up onto the table. 

I looked back down at it to try and get some details about the thing. I mean honestly, alien spiders sound pretty cool when they aren’t on my face. 

I hope alien centipedes don’t exist though. Those little shits are creepy no matter what size they are. Seriously, if I find one I’m going to cry.

Centipedes are the worst, they have so many legs and they show up out of nowhere. It’s like they’re the bastard offspring of lightning and a demon’s testicle. Plus their bites hurt and it really sucks to wake up at night and find THREE inches of horror scuttling around in the bathroom almost faster than the eye can follow. Then it takes forever to clean and seal the room so then can never show again but they do anyway an- Oh god, just imagining them is enough to give me the willies. 

No No. Stop thinking about them. I shook my head violently to get rid of the awful feeling of legs crawling.

Okay. Okay. It’s all good. I’m good.

What was I doing? Oh yeah! Alien spider!

My attention returned to the spider and I noticed that it’s legs wasn’t moving despite the fact that it was sliding across the floor. 

Come to think of it, nothing else was moving either.

…

Did I just get pranked?

“Pfft. Hehehe.” I felt my lips twitch in amusement. I tried to stop it. I have to stay calm and dignified or else no one was going to take me seriously. But I just got pranked. They got me pretty good. I’ll give them that. 

Unless it was sticking some sort of bug in my eye.  In which case the aliens are total creeps. 

I made a mental note to go through my eye the next time I went to a bathroom.

I hopped off the table and promptly fell on my face for the second time in the dream.

Man, these legs are definitely going to take some getting used to. Oh well.  

Still, minor fumble aside, I grabbed the fake spider and put it in an inventory pocket that I found during my time in my mind space. Having a partially complete list of what I can do is very handy. My tiny gut space will be pretty useful if I have to carry pencils packets of gummy bears or other small stuff. I’m not really sure how it works. 

I mean, I kinda glow if I open the compartment of my stomach. I can see a smaller panel inside which I’m guessing is for repairs and stuff. But how am I me?

Ack. NO. Stop thinking about it!

I refuse to think about that. It made me a bit nauseous if I thought about it for too long. 

But at least I could now say that I reached deep within myself to find what I needed.

Of course, I have nothing now, aside from the spider and this weird card with three interlocking circles on it, but hopefully I’ll find something nice I can keep as a secret.

I started heading toward the door, wondering exactly what I was going to do once I left the room. I mean, what was there for me TO do?

The door opened just as I got close to it. Automatic I guess. Cool.

It totally would’ve sucked to be stuck in a room because I couldn’t turn a knob.

I walked outside, not noticing that someone was coming in and I crashed into his knee.

Oh. It’s the salarian from before. “Hi Mr. Zisal! Right?” It would be really rude to address someone by the wrong name. Plus, I really don’t want to anger anyone who is in a position to kill me. Or you know, leave me in pieces.

The salarian grinned at me. “Ah. Yes. Do call me Sepin though. It’s less formal. How are you feeling? We were worried when you collapsed.”

Is Sepin ever not smiling? Or is that the default expression for Salarians? Maybe he’s just really pissed off at me or something. Didn’t I snap at him before?

“I can assure you that smiling IS a sign of positive emotions amongst salarians. I am happy you are well. You seems to be holding up given the strange circumstances you have found yourself in. Not everyone can hold it together after finding themselves in a new body.”

My ears pinned themselves to my head and I felt myself get warm. I definitely did not mean to say that out loud. 

Plus I doubted that my circumstances were normal.

So I dodged his question. “What’s going to happen to me?”

“We are currently compiling the relevant information to send to the council. They will decide your fate.” Answered Sepin. “In the meantime, you are to be kept under surveillance.”

Oh great. I have a bunch of strangers that are going to decide if I live or die. 

Disturbingly enough, I wasn’t really sure if I wanted either choice, or both.

I mean, it’s not like I’m losing much. I might wake up. But at the same time, I kind of want to see this new world I’ve found myself in. 

I’m sure it must’ve shown on my face, because Sepin began talking again, trying to comfort me I guess. “Do not worry. So long as you have someone with you, you can go where you please.”

“Okay. Sure.” I nodded in agreement. That’s not so bad. It’s not like I wanted to do much more than window shop and maybe find something to do. Maybe aliens still crocheted or drew. If that doesn’t work out then I could as least read a book or something.“Is there anything you need me to do?”

“Basic information mostly.” The salarian nodded and pulled out a thick stack of papers and handed them to me. “We just need you to fill out as much information as you can. I understand that your memory is damaged so take your time over the next few weeks to fill it out as it comes back to you.”

I nodded and took the paper from him-

-and promptly dropped all of it when I fell on my face for the third time. 

Standing up to take a stack of paper without workable fingers and weird legs was probably not the wisest thing I’ve done in my life.

It took me a moment to right myself while Sepin gathered the stack and placed them on the table. The two of us stared at each other awkwardly before he put the stack on the table and ran off to grab something. 

I figured I may as well get started filling out the forms so I hopped up onto the table again and started going through them. Sepin was probably going to write while I spoke but if I knew the questions I could at least cut down on thinking time.

Most of the questions were fairly concise so I just grabbed the pen without thinking and started writing.

Species? I’m human of course. But I thought for a few moments and put down Homunculus afterward as well. After all, I’m only partially human now.

Gender? Female.

Age? Hmmmmm….. I didn’t really remember. I wrote down college age since I can remember worrying about my job prospects. Ecology was going to be pretty big in the future what with global warming and all. 

Name?.... That one gave me pause. What should I write for my name? I knew parts of my given name. That it began with L and ended with A had three syllables and was chronically mispronounced. My last name was pretty useless for identification as it’s one of the most common names in china and that was all I could remember about it. 

I thoughts about it for a few moments before I made up my mind.

I had a chance to dictate what people would call me.

I put the pen to the paper and in my neatest writing, wrote down Lucia Li.

Because it was close enough to what I remembered about my actual name and there is no way anyone could possibly mispronounce it. 

I mean really. How hard was it to say Lydia? Geez.

It was three syllables, from the bible, in a language that isn’t known for stuff like that! It’s not weird like Tchaikovsky, Siobhan, Chrysanthemum, Xander, Swarovski, or Roisin. It’s not even long like some of the japanese deities I’ve read about, Konohanasakuya, Ukanomitama, or Ukayafukiaezu.

But somehow I always end up being called Liam, Lia, Lilanne, Laila, lily, or Lenya.

Ugh! Plus people only call my name whenever I’m in trouble so I hate hearing it spoken! It’s never a good thing when someone calls me by name! EVER!

I mean really! It’s amazing what a lifetime of summons will do-

“Ahem.” Coughed someone from behind me. “Maybe you should finish the forms before doing anything else.”

Wow. Okay.

Never again will I underestimate the power of hate and vitriol. 

I had been so wrapped up in the stuff that I hadn’t noticed Sepin come back with a small stool for me. He hadn’t been particularly quiet about it either.

I also hadn’t realized that I had been gripping the pen with a very small set of fingers that extended out from the inside of my ‘front hoof’ as though the hoof paw was the sleeve of a humongous fluffy sweater.

I stared wide eyed at my previously unknown audience and shrunk into myself just a little, my ears flattening themselves against my head.

I really needed to stop doing spacing out thing. What if I got lost and ended up in the boy’s bathroom like last time? God that’d be embarrassing.

My eyes trailed back to the hand gripping the pen. The fingers were almost human like. They had three joints and they connected to a palm made of the same semi-flexible material the rest of me was made of. They were soft, and a little warm. 

Almost like my own hand.

Oh.

I could still draw.

I could hold books on my own, crochet with a hook in one hand and string in the other.

I could still do things on my own.

My vision may have blurred just a little right then. Just a little. Robots can’t cry. They definitely can’t sniffle. Nope.

I won’t deny that I was incredibly relieved though. It’s like an entire weight had been lifted off my shoulders I’m not entirely sure what I would’ve have done if-

Nope. Not going to think about it.

I took the opportunity to test my newly discovered hands by using the pen I was grasping to draw a chicken on my tail. The moment I set the pen down the fingers instantly retracted back into my hoof. I guess they were only for holding things rather than interaction.

Who cared! I still drew a chicken!

It was sloppy and uneven. I guess I still have to practice with it for a little while and get used to not having primary access.

But who cares!

I bounced in excitement and turned to Sepin, who had been watching my sudden and joyful discovery with great amusement and chirped. “THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER! I HAVE FINGERS! Want me to draw you anything?”

I picked up the pen and went right back to doodling on myself.

* * *

 

“You bought all that stuff for the sole purpose of needling a robot?” Asked Garrus “Aren’t you getting a little ahead of yourself here? She could be dangerous or crazy.”

He rubbed her arm where another syntell mech had bitten him. The plates there had been crushed under the sheer pressure and while the injury as minor, he would be feeling it for weeks. 

The salarian stopped monitoring the talking mech and turned to him. “Garrus. She seems to have self stabilized and according to my diagnostics, her strength settings are currently on medium-low. Plus the correct term is biosynthetic. Hmmm… I still have to find a way to shorten it” Replied Sepin. Then he gestured to nothing in particular. “At any rate, those are tools for gauging the reactions. An AI like the geth would not have screamed in terror at the sight of a fake spider on their face. In fact, they would not have been fooled by a piece of plastic on a string at all.”

Garrus thought about it for a few moments before conceding. Since the mechs were definitely sentient to varying degrees, it would be wise to get a good psychological profile. Subject 843 had sapient origins discretion was an absolute necessity. “Alright I guess you have a point. How did the other subjects respond to the spider trick?”

“The reactions were highly varied. The lesser subjects took to chewing the spider, barking at it, or batting it around. The greater subjects reacted with extremes or nothing at all. Very bizarre to watch. Unfortunately, one of the units has become nonfunctional. All brain activity has ceased.”

Oh that’s not good. Hopefully Garrus wouldn’t get in trouble for one of them dying on his watch. “Should I be worried about the others dying?”

Sepin sighed heavily for a salarian. “I’d watch the greater subjects if I were you. Just about all of them are on the decline. Rapidly I might add.”

Garrus nodded in acknowledgement. “And subject 843 isn’t?”

“Surprisingly no. I won’t say that it’s stable, but it is less likely to have a psychotic break. I highly doubt the previous attempt at ripping up its own leg will be the only occurrence though.”

Well, at least he could have interesting conversations.

“I should get back to work. I have to plan out some more psychiatric assessments.”

Somewhere in the distance, there was a crash, followed by loud barking.

Garrus groaned.

* * *

 

I can’t honestly say how much time had passed since I woke up in C-Sec but I do know that once I filled out all the paperwork I was more or less free to go where ever I want.

In the headquarters that is. Apparently my existence was part of a big case and for my safety I had to stay inside. Something about a bunch of people outside wanting to kidnap me.

I’m not sure I really believe that but since I had no other information to go on I had to listen to them. Note that this is exactly why I’m not sure I believe that.

I spent most of my time either getting checkups with Sepin or helping Garrus with paperwork. The checkups led to an interesting discovery, several actually. 

The first was that I was technically incomplete. The person who made me died before he could connect everything but left the instructions buried somewhere deep in my head. I’m not sure what happened when Sepic tried to dig them out, no one would tell me. But I do know that it ended with a huge blackout, a bunch of bleeding ears, and a few shattered windows. 

Thinking about it for too long makes me nauseous. I’ll deal with it later when I’m asleep.

The second was that I had a lens in my my forehead just above my eyes. No clue what it’s actually for but it’s probably something useful. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that I don’t have enough experience to use it yet, like a character in a video game.

The third one was that I could change the color of my eyes by visualizing a color wheel in my head. I went with brown at first since it’s my actual eye color. 

Yeah, that didn’t work out well. My // _ Ocular Display _ // uses LCD so I creeped everyone out by walking around with seemingly black, pupilless pits for eyes. Lighting them up on purpose didn’t work well either so I went with ice blue that became just a bit darker as it got closer to my eye lids. 

The sharp contrast between my ‘pupil’, iris, and eyelids would make my stare just a little more intense and intimidating. Something which I desperately needed since no one in the station would take me seriously. 

Being told to ‘go away, the adults are working’ gets really tiring after the 48th time it happens. 

I mean I don’t blame them but still. 

The other Biosynthetics are frickin terrifying if they’re after you. 

Let me explain.

I met a bunch of others like me shortly after they let me go. Garrus insisted that I stay close to him for safety reasons as he led me down to them.

I noticed the differences between them and myself almost immediately. Where I was kept in an interrogation room, the others were in the jail cells. I was about 16 inches at shoulder height and 10 kilograms. 

The ones in the cells were in a bunch of different sizes. Some were definitely much bigger, at least three time my height.

Some were really tiny. Like the size of a tea cup.

The rest were in between.

All of them were like me. Silver-white and pearly. Large, greenish LCD eyes. Hoof-like legs, and long ears on their heads. Some of them even had lenses on their heads like me. Their head shapes were all egglike although some were more pointed that others.

They were probably made from animals. Which explained all the teeth. My my grandma, what sharp teeth you have.

They also looked as stir crazy as I did, pacing back and forth, throwing themselves at the bars, screaming for no apparent reason.

“Are there any others like me? Ones that talked?” I asked Garrus. 

“There used to be.” He replied quietly. “They all stopped working though.”

My ears immediately flattened and my head lowered. ”Oh.”

“We tried to save them.”

I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but I’d really hoped that there would be someone else that I could talk to. Not many people here are willing to sympathize with something that barely higher than their knee.

Sepin was always happy to talk to me but I got the feeling that it was more about the novelty factor than actual interest.

Same with Garrus. He always looked at me like I was going to snap and attack him. 

I wanted so badly to tell them off for being judgemental shits. They weren’t even being subtle.

I kept quiet though. Best not to think about it.

“These guys look as stir crazy as I am.” I said absentmindedly. “Maybe you should do something with them?”

Garrus blinked and replied as if the answer was obvious. “We can’t until we’re sure that they aren’t a danger to anyone.”

“The catlike ones look like they’re perfectly willing to chase a laser dot.”

Garrus just shrugged in response. “The risks are still to high for that.”

Yeah, that was a crock of shit.

I know for a fact that he was in charge of watching them, something about blowing up a warehouse. It’s amazing what you hear when no one pays attention to you.

I opened my mouth to correct him when one of the biosynthetics broke out. 

It was a huge doglike one and it charged down the hall barking at the top of its lungs.

“Crap!” Garrus swore and raised his gun to shoot it. “Get back!”

Bullets glanced off the dog biosynthetic in a flash of blue. //Shield//

Remembering a friend’s hyperactive german shepard I sat upright with my hoof out in front of me. “SIT!” I commanded.

The dog who looked like it it was about to jump on Garrus and make a run for it skidded on his heels until it came to a stop in front of me and plopped its rump on the ground. Its ears twitched and it looked down on me waiting for another order.

Garrus who had been about to call for backup stopped and stared at me curiously. 

The dog barked again and shoved its nose into my face, twitching for something else to do.

I suspected that it would start acting up again if I didn’t think of something so I went through a list of dog tricks that I knew. 

“Down.” The dog mech laid on the floor. 

“Shake.” The dog sat up and gave me a hoof-paw.

“Speak.” The dog barked.

“Jump.” Commanded Garrus. 

“Hr?” The dog mech cocked its head in confusion, looking between the turian and myself, clearly not understanding the funny chirp caw that came from the alien. I repeated the command in english and it sprang into the air with great enthusiasm.

“I don’t think It understands you.” I explained when I saw the turian slump beside me.

The dog mech chose this moment to tackle Garrus and cheer him up by licking him.

“Get off me you stupid mech!” He cried “Somebody help!”

The right thing to do would’ve been to call the dog mech away from it. But the sight of the turian being pinned and licked on the floor was too funny to interrupt.

I couldn’t help it. I swear in the name of god and his religious nuts, I honestly couldn’t help it. “Pfft… HAHAHA.”

I think I gave myself a stitch laughing at him, which is really something since I don’t actually have organs.

Eventually when I was done laughing I decided to have mercy on Garrus and pulled out the fake spider from my inventory. “Hey dog!”

The dog stopped and looked at me. Then it saw the spider and it started wagging it’s tail.

“Wanna play fetch?” I wiggled the spider. 

“BARK!”

“You want it?” I wiggled it a little more until the dog was wriggling in anticipation. Then I threw it as far as I could down the hall. “FETCH!”

The dog mech dashed and caught the spider before it hit the ground and after chewing it for a moment, brought it back to me.

“I told you they were just bored.” I smirked at Garrus before turning back to the dog mech. 

It was panting and staring, waiting for the face spider to fly again.

I thought about throwing the spider to Garrus and watching the dog tackle him again. I guess it must’ve shown on my face because Garrus glowered at me from where he stood.

“I know what you’re thinking.” He commanded. “Don’t.”

Well, I was never really inclined to listening to people. Plus the sight of him on the floor was hilarious. I tossed the spider to him.

To my disappointment, the dog did not tackle him for the spider. I guess it was better trained. It just turned and stared at him.

Garrus blinked and looked to me in nervousness as the dog fixated on the spider and began leaning forward. “Uhhh… How did you say fetch?”

I told him. 

He repeated it a few times to get used to the word then he turned to the dog. “Fetch!” He commanded in english as he threw the spider himself. His throw went much farther on account of him having longer arms.

The dog dashed down the hall after it and brought it back to him.

We continued tossing the spider for close to an hour before Garrus got called upstairs for work and we left it to chew on the spider.

The other officers started to take me a little more seriously when they realized that I had ‘tamed’ what was apparently the most aggressive mech down stairs.

That wasn’t really accurate since the dog wasn’t so much wild as much as it was bored and stuck in an unfamiliar place.

They clearly did not know dogs very well.

I don’t either, but at least I know to exercise them. What can I say? Documentaries on police K9 units are the best! Plus dogs! They’re so cute and happy!I’ve always wanted a dog. Of course, asthma and really really shitty allergies to practically everything under the sun kind of threw a wrench into that. 

Hey come to think of it. Robots don’t have allergies right? That means I might actually be able to get a dog! Maybe I can get a border collie. They’re super smart and everything. Or a pomeranian with all its fluffiness, or OH A papillon. I remembered reading something about them being able to run really far if you train them up for it.

Then I realized something with a pan of sadness that I ignored.

I was probably too small to really take care of a dog. Plus where would I keep it? It’s not like the interrogation room was big enough to keep one in there.

Maybe a cat then?

No that wouldn’t work either. I’m allergic to those too. My eyes swell like balloons and my sinu- D’oh! Robot!

Hmm….. Maybe a black cat? Or a cow cat.

“BARK!”

“BARKBARK BARK!”

“Yap yap yap!”

Oh no.

Garrus mirrored my thoughts it seemed because he said the same thing. “Oh no.” 

We both turned in the direction of the barking and saw no less than seven mechs running our way. 

The dog mech leading the charge had a very ratty looking black thing hanging out of its mouth.

I guess Dog was smarter than the average canine and thought it would be fun to let out its friends? I guess? Oh well. “SIT!” I bellowed.

The dog pack plowed right through everyone who didn’t get out of the way and screeched to a halt right before Garrus and I.

The leader looked rather indecisive as to who should get the fake spider so it dropped it between the two of us.

I probably shouldn’t be grossed out since I doubt any of the dog mechs had actual saliva, but still, the lump of black stringy bits on the ground looked kinda wet and really gross. I reached out to take it, but I couldn’t make myself touch it.  “Ummm...”

I spied Sepin out of the corner of my eye taking notes on the events taking place. 

Garrus fortunately, was much less squeamish. He reached down, picked it up and flung it down the stairs.

Once the last dog ran down he sealed the door.

Everyone looked at each other.

“Soooo…...” I began awkwardly. “That was a thing.” I paused for a few moments. “What are you planning with all of them?”

“It’s only been two months since the raid Lucia.” Said Sepin as he scrolled through something on his Omnitool. “Not enough time to figure out what to do with everything.”

Two months? Wow, It felt a lot shorter than that for me.

Then again I was probably out for a good chunk of the time.

“Why not incorporate the dogs into your K9 unit?”

I got a bunch of blank looks in response. 

“You do have a K9 unit don’t you?”

“Why would we spend time and money on a team of dogs?” Asked a turian I’ve never met. Everyone else was eyeing me warily. “There are things far more important taking up our time.”

Jesus fuck on a motorbike. I slammed my hoof-hand into my face and shook my head.  “On earth every police team I knew had a K9 unit. A dog and handler. The dog would be used for finding drugs, dead bodies, lost children, bombs, wildlife where it isn’t supposed to be, criminals where they aren’t supposed to be, taking down perps nonlethally, and in case of emergencies, digging people out from a disaster area.”

That got a few looks of surprise. I don’t really know why. Do they seriously not have dogs on the Citadel?

“An animal can do all of that?” Asked an Asari. I don’t really know her name, I just know that this one just recently joined.

“Well, with good training, yeah. Dogs have a great sense of smell, most of them anyway. Some of the breeds were developed specifically to do certain jobs while others were more for pets and companionship.” I replied. “I think the smartest dogs are the border collies. Bred specifically to herd sheep and act independently of the shepherd while being able to cooperate with him at the same time.” They look fucking awesome too. Like they’re wearing tuxedos.

“-look so noble and majestic-”

They’re even cuter when they’re puppies. 

“-Why don’t we have one?”

Bouncing squeaking wiggly balls of fluff and joy.

An older Turian cleared his throat from the entrance. I think his name was Jaxom. “I can actually answer that. We did have a K9 unit several years ago. They were every bit as effective at their jobs as they sounded. But they needed a certain temperament and large amounts of time to train.”

“Still sounds worth it though.” Muttered Garrus who looked like he was thinking of going out and stealing a dog.

“Then the gangs caught on to what we were doing and started sniping them. Nearly every single working breed on this station was killed. Eventually it was deemed too much effort to train them up so the unit was dropped.” Continued Jaxom with a bit of sadness leaking into his voice. “I think there’s only one team on the citadel that still managed to use dogs and that’s the undercover patrol division.”

Oh. Well that explained it. Doesn’t excuse them for ignoring an opportunity of course, but it explained it.

“Well seeing as I just watched one of them activate its shields I think y’all are missing an opportunity.” I injected into the conversation. I winced internally at the y’all. Where did that even come from? I’m not southern! Am I?

I frowned in concentration.

“That might just be the best idea I’ve heard in a long time.” Mused Garrus. Then he seemed to sink into his chair. “I can’t be the one to ask though. Still on punishment duty.”

“Ask who?”

“Our boss. The Executor.”

Executor, executor. Where have I heard that title before? Oh the turian in the office with light blue clan markings. “You mean the turian that looks like he’s going to kill you if you don’t give him coffee and sounds like a tuba?”

Judging by the looks on everyone’s faces, that was not the right thing to say. I had a feeling I was about to get in trouble. “He’s right behind me isn’t he?”

“Correct.” Answered a deep flanging, tuba-like voice. “I’d like to speak with you privately please.”


	4. Chapter 4

_The mech was turning out to be as big of a headache as Harkin_. Thought Palin as he walked into his office. He expected no less from the newest citadel species but this was getting ridiculous. He really hoped that Harkin wasn't an average human specimen because he was more irritating than a krogan.

Li on the other hand was definitely not the average human specimen. She was synthetic. Mostly, synthetic anyways he amended in his mind. Spirits! She was annoying, always asking questions about everything, interrupting conversations, and going places she really shouldn't.

According to Zisal, this was very common amongst late adolescent humans where the brain development resembles that of a toddler.

How sad.

Palin supposed that this meant all of the human diplomats he'd seen were also late adolescents. They whined and protested like green soldiers and constantly planted themselves in everyone's business.

The salarian had also mentioned giving the mech some leeway regarding social conventions as she appeared to be from long before the relay 314 incident predating present times by at least a century, maybe more. Evidence of this included the use of archaic linguistic terms such as movies, internet, and dollars, and being baffled at the existence of various historical events despite them being extremely well known like the relay 314 incident.

She was at least self aware enough to attempt rectifying her ignorance.

How in spirits name did he end up with two people he couldn't dispose of? The human embassy kept intervening whenever he tried to get rid of Harkin and Li's situation had a gag order placed on her.

The talking mech trailed in a few moments after him and looked around the room curiously. Prolate spheroid ear like structures pointed up as she looked around the office. The pupils were constricted to tiny spots as she turned her head towards him.

"Come here." He commanded.

The mech cocked her head as she glanced between him and the spot where she was currently standing. She picked up her leg as if hesitant about something but walked to him and hopped onto his desk.

That was anothing thing in fact.

Her small size made interactions relatively difficult. Standing at the typical accepted space in front of his desk meant that he couldn't see her unless he stood up. Standing at her current position half way across the room would require them both to shout, which would defeat the purpose of a private conference anyway.

He wasn't going to make her stand on her hind legs when she clearly couldn't just to discuss something.

Thus, he was forced to allow her to sit on the corner of his desk despite how unprofessional it was.

Li's pupils were still constricted, an excellent display of nervousness or agitation, very common in organics, turians especially, since their bright eyes tend to stand out against the darker carapace. She was slightly hunched over, tension drifting off her metallic form, another organic trait.

Her creator truly out did themselves making her. It's a shame that her chances of living are relatively slim.

Li, as if reading his mind, spoke first. "If the council has decided to terminate me I would like say something before I die." She took a simulated deep breath and kept talking. "There is no law that forbids the creation of biosynthetics such as myself. If I have been classified as an AI then I would like to retract my previous statement and say that there is no law against BEING an AI. I also have organic parts that play a vital role in my functions, meaning that I am alive. Thus it is unconstitutional to kill me for simply existing and to kill me would be legally and morally wrong."

The mech then stared at him with firm resolution, as if daring him to end her life. He was fairly certain that Li would've tried to liberate some of his fingers from him if he set her off.

Pallin conceded to himself that what she spoke ultimately rang true and that he would be using that argument once the situation called for it.

Nonetheless, that was not why he called her into his office.

"What you say is indeed correct." He began, heading off any potential conflict. "However, the nature of your existence is only one of the reasons I called you in here."

Just like that, the tension drained from the mech, though the pupils remained slightly constricted. One of the ears twitched in curiosity. "Am I in trouble for letting out the dogs then?"

"Not the canine mechs no." He began. "I believe you are aware that running in the halls is prohibited and many people have asked you to stop walking on the walls. I'd like an explanation why you continue to do so."

"Oh that's easy." The pupils dilated back to normal. "I got tired of tripping people whenever I stopped to look at something so I run on the walls." Her eyes began to dilate again. "Plus there's this jerk, Harkin. He got mad when I wouldn't hide his beer for him. He likes to kick me whenever I end up in front of him. I thought it was an accident the first few times. But he follows me around and does other stuff." She shrugged but did not specify. Then her ears folded against her head in irritation. "He tried to make me do his paperwork too but Sepin was nearby and cut in before I could say anything. Normally I'd kick him back but apparently that would get me classified as dangerous to the public."

Pallin nodded as the mech prattled on about how much she wanted to kick Harkin other acts of violent retribution. The turian decided not to voice his agreement with her threat classification. Her desire for violent retribution was rather alarming as was her fascination with watching autopsies and he needed to keep an eye on that.

At least the reasons for her actions were sound. "Why didn't you file a harassment report on Harkin? Or go to a commanding officer?"

The mech looked at him like he was an idiot. "The officers are busy enough without me bothering them for petty issues and harassment reports don't do anything. The embassy is just going to come up with some half baked excuse for him."

"I see." He nodded to show he understood what she said. "The other issue is your cover story."

Li cocked her head curiously "Okay? What about it?"

"While you may not be in the public eye, people will certainly know of you. Several people visiting the station have already seen you. No doubt questions would be coming very soon-"

"-and the council has decreed that my status as a living robot be kept under wraps." She blinked and frowned as if she were surprised at the words that came out of them.

"Now then." he continued after a moment. "We need a cover story for your existence. The other mechs can be explained as a way to replace the canine squad. The timing works out anyway-"

"-But I'm the only one that can talk and that's weird."

Pallin twitched his mandibles in annoyance and stared at the mech.

Li shrank back and rubbed her head sheepishly. "Ehehehe. Sorry."

She really needed to fix this awful habit of interrupting people.

"Anyway. We need an official designation as well as a way to categorize you and the others."

"Well, I'm a biosynthetic. So something like Biosynthetic class: human." The mech frowned and began pacing on the desk. She continued to mutter to herself as she started to process the parameters of the issue. "Biosynthetic is kind of a mouthful to say. Not to mention really vague. It'd be like saying all synthetics are alike but the geth are a thing and avina is also a thing but they aren't the same thing-"

Pallin had never witnessed this himself, but he had received various reports on her problem solving abilities. Many of them had stated that she works with an almost single minded focus, not unlike that of a turian, if the problem piqued her interest. If it didn't she would just get it done as correctly as soon as possible, pass it off to someone else, or get distracted and forget about it completely.

"- plus you can't really stop an idea so sooner or later I'll probably see more biosynthetics like me. But the other terms I can think of are just inaccurate. I'm not a chimera, and the dog mechs aren't homunculi.-"

Apparently the last one was caused by a faulty perception filter. Either everything was filtered out which engaged hyperfocus, or nothing was causing deficits of attention. Palin wasn't sure if he believed it to be a technical problem. Li herself had mentioned having a neurological disorder which caused the same issues.

It sounded like an excuse to shirk work in his opinion but he wasn't about to argue with an expert.

"-So yeah. Just shorten the term to b-synth, add a class and a category. That could work right?" Finished Li.

"That is acceptable." Palin filled out the information and set it aside as a template for future dossiers.

"So what am I going to do in the meantime?"

"According to your cover story. You are a proof of concept and your intelligence and sapience is the result of you accidentally uploading a VI into itself. You will be a part of C-sec forces. As such. You will receive combat and tactical training." He held up a hand to forestall the interruption he knew was coming. "Yes. Your size has been taken into account."

"Okay. How much am I getting paid?"

How typical of a human. Grasping at things they don't deserve even when they have already proven their faults.

"None. You are merely paying for your accommodations in labor."

The mech mimicked raising an eyebrow by altering the shape of her upper eye lid. "I don't like the sound of that. I am not here of my own free will."

"You are paying for your own safety and your life. We could've easily kept you in a cell with the lesser dog mechs."

"Wrong. Citadel law prohibits indentured servitude and work under coercion is not valid and thus frowned upon by the law. Plus danger or not, no scientist worth their salt would willingly ignore something new. If you had kept me down there the curiosity of your mooks would've driven you mad. Besides, I don't have anything to lose by sitting in a cell. I can dance to music all day long and I don't need to move to play Nyan cat. You on the other hand will lose resources in keeping me contained.."

Oh for the love of Spirits, the last thing he needed with a dangerous mech on the loose. Li must listen to reason or she will definitely go into a cell.

That being said he would not be surprised if someone broke her out just to study it. Palin suspected that Zisal would certainly do so, especially on behalf of his dalatrass. "Contributing to C-sec is not considered an unworthy task. Harkin is enough of a dead weight. We do not need another one."

The mech looked as if the mere possibility of being compared to Harkin was an insult. The pupils constricted again."I am not a dead weight. For the past two months I have been filling out the general forms of a number of officers as well sorting and organizing them. Considering how many forms need to be scanned into the database and organized that is definitely pulling me weight. On top of that I've put up with invasive examinations and workplace bullying! Damn Right I deserve to be compensated!" She gave a flick of her tail. "Besides, my biometric scanning capabilities on its own are worth quite quite a bit. No one can hide from me so long as I can use it."

"Now see here-"

* * *

Ultimately it took two hours of intense discussion, threats of suicide, and fact checking to hammer out the details of my new job and salary.

It was mentally and emotionally exhausting and I'm going to stop thinking about it for a while.

I think the debate would've gone on for longer if I hadn't tried to swear at him.

Keyword tried.

Who ever made me must've meant for me to be around kids or something because I can't swear. I mean, I usually don't anyway but I highly doubt many people can keep a straight face when the person talking to him is yelling a bunch of animal sounds.

On an almost unrelated note, I have to call bullshit by mooing.

I probably shouldn't have lost my temper, but I can't stand being compared to Harkin. I don't drink while I'm working, own porn magazines, or strangle people. I also don't shove paperwork off on interns and make other people throw out my own trash. While I suck at dealing with people I'm pretty sure you aren't supposed to sexually harass girls that are victims of domestic violence.

I still feel bad for not doing anything about that aside from stomping on his foot but I couldn't think of anything else. Also what can you say that won't embarrass the victim? Stop grabbing her tits?

I ended up with a pretty big dent in my ribs for that. Ugh.

He is an asshole of the highest degree and just thinking about him pisses me off.

Which is exactly why I don't.

I'm getting paid ten chits an hour for an 8 hours a day seven days a week. I argued that my pay should be higher since I'm more or less forced to live here but the boss insisted that that was the salary for the bottom ranked ones. I guess it works out since I don't have to pay rent and I eat the leftovers from the other officers.

So long as they didn't have peanuts in it of course. I'm deathly allergic to those and the just smell of them makes me nauseous. Thinking of them does that too actually.

Anyways, after the whole discussion I stepped out of the office to find that a bunch of other people had been listening at the door.

Before I could say anything I was rushed away from the office and into the break room where I more or less had the whole thing recounted to me.

Apparently my voice is still pretty loud even if I didn't have- Yeah I'm not going to think about that.

Also nobody expected me to get all philosophical during a salary debate. I don't know why they were so surprised. I am definitely willing to pull out the big guns to protect my rights.

After all, sentience is the ability to feel emotions, which I definitely do and sapience is the ability to act on judgements, which I also do, even if I get into trouble.

I have no intentions of spending my entire life in one place and I said as much.

Then he called me a soulless mech, saying I was just like Harkin and the rest of humanity in demanding things without earning them.

I pointed out that his statement was contradictory since humanity was clearly had art, and thus, a soul. After all, you couldn't have create things that invoked emotions without being able to feel them.

Then I shouted at him for comparing me to that asshole it all kind of went downhill from there.

Dammit.

Now I'm all worked up again.

I politely excused myself from the crowd and shuffled off into my interrogation room.

The room was a barren as ever, empty save for the table, the chair, and the foot stool on top of the table that served as my bed. Sort of. The chair and the table were made of metal, but the stool was plastic. For the last two months I had more or less crammed myself under the stool to sleep and today I was going to do it again. It was surprisingly cozy and the plastic trapped the heat from my body, so it was almost like having a blanket. A pillow would've been nice though.

Oh well.

I hopped onto the table from the ground and squeezed under the stool. I wasn't going to be sleeping for a while but it was nice to be in my own space relatively speaking. I started playing some music in my head and I could feel myself slowly relax.

I always did like listening to video games. Portal especially. Somehow being dark, light hearted, and funny at the same time without ever losing its creep factor.

_Aperture science._

_We do what we must because we can_

_For the good of all of us_

_except the ones who are dead_

It's kind of weird being able to tense and relax despite being made of metal.

Scratch that, it's really weird.

I don't really remember seeing muscles when I ripped up my leg either.

My eyes drifted over to the slightly dinged up leg. It still had bite marks from when I last tore into it.

It also had some marks on the end of my hoof. My nail chewing habit carried over it seemed.

I felt the familiar urge to fix the dents by putting my hoof in my mouth. It would only take a few strategic bites after all. But I resisted.

Soon I would either get moved into official housing or I would have money to buy decorations for here. I'm pretty sure it was going to be the former though. I wonder if I'll get an actual bed or if I'm just going to get shuffled into a closet.

Didn't matter right now.

_You just keep on trying_

_till you run out of cake_

Might as well do some more cleaning.

_And the science gets done_

_And you make a neat gun_

The world falls away and I'm in darkness once more.

_For the people who are still alive._

…..

My headspace is the same as it always was. Mostly empty save for the figure of me, a stat sheet under it and faint circuit lines marking the boundaries. Some weird stuff floating around and fogging things up.

I wonder what that says about me. I'm not that dumb am I?

Well, I've spent a good chunk of time cleaning out the dark fog. While I'd love to say that I had found some new abilities that would make people take me seriously. I haven't.

Most of the stuff I cleared just made it easier for me to not zone out during conversations and to get on with less sleep.

I could also mentally go on the internet and project various things, and use my head lens as a flashlight, but since everyone can do that it doesn't mean anything.

Besides, why do they call it the extranet anyway? The internet is called the internet because it's short for the internetwork. It's purpose is to allow people to interconnect with each other and the world around them. Why would the term change to extranet? And also why is every video being called a vid? A vid is practically catch all term for every video. A thirty second cat video is a vid. A 18 hour elcor film is also a vid. I'd love to know what to expect when I look things up. Goddammit I wanted to watch funny dog movies without needing to sort through a bajillion funny dog videos.

Ugh!

I love being able to pirate my old games though. They were usually free since no one cared much for century old video games. The portal series and the world of goo were apparently popular since they were puzzle based and parents would encourage their kids to play it.

I could probably hack the rom codes and play in the real world but I like using my thumbs.

Seriously.

I know I shouldn't complain about having fingers to hold stuff with but it's driving me nuts. No matter what I do, I can only have fingers when I'm holding something. I can adjust the grip for all sorts of things, but I can't point, snap, flip off assholes, or push buttons.

It's nuts!

Okay. That's enough for now.

I walk over to my stat sheet as I have so many times before. It has changed between visits, a by product of scrubbing and Sepin's poking I'm sure.

_Current Designation: Lucia Li_

_Name: Lydia_

_Gender: FEMALE_

_Height: 16 inches/ 40.6 centimeters._

_Weight: 10kg_

_Species; B-synth_

_Class: Human_

_Type: Guardian_

_Date of activation: 4/13/2180 [CORRUPTED]_

_Armaments: NONE_

_Current Utilities: Biometric scanner, Music player, projector, extranet connection, internal storage[CORRUPTED]_

_Strength: 3/10 medium-low_

_Vision: 5/10 Night vision inactive_

_Auditory sensor: 5/10 Average_

_Olfactory sensor: 3/10 medium-low_

_Synchronicity: 100%_

The fact that the strength, smell, and vision settings are number based meant that they could be adjusted. I actually tried to up my smell sensitivity a few days ago because I thought it would be cool. I nearly puked, which again, is really weird when you don't have a stomach.

See, a couple of people keep peanut butter inside their desks and eat it throughout the day. I don't really know who it is and I don't care to find out.

I wasn't about to mess with my vision, hearing or my strength settings. The last thing I need is to accidentally kill someone and not notice it because I was blind and deaf. Then again, maybe the opposite was worse, dying horribly because I was too busy staring and listening at everything doesn't sound that appealing either.

That last one always puzzled me.

Synchronicity for what? Was there someone else that I was linked to?

Was it to make sure that all my bodyparts worked?

Thats…. Yeah. Not going to think about it.

The idea of losing all my limbs… Nope.

Great, now I feel somewhat sick and I've got the chills. Today has not been my day.

Oh well. I'm just going to watch llamas with hats. Carl's antics are always funny to watch.

…..

I woke up some time later to the smell of cookies.

Mmmmm…. Chocolate ship.

It'd been forever since I had any and the smell was making me hungry.

I moved the stool off me and hopped down from the table.

It was about three a.m.

Headquarters was never closed but it got pretty quiet this time of day. Or was it night? There wasn't any really obvious sun to track. As such the halls and cubicles were empty save for a few lab techs, and Garrus. He looked kind of annoyed about something. Probably best not to ask.

I took a moment to enjoy the smell before I followed it into the break room. It was clean and empty. A pot of coffee was sitting on the counter next to a pot of its dextro equivalent, klah. Both of them were kept warm by the heating coils underneath. I drank them both once and they tasted almost exactly the same.

The first time I drank klah it tasted something like worcestershire sauce mixed with cough syrup. Then it became more like regular coffee.

Of course, switching back to the regular stuff I got the same awful taste until everything readjusted itself.

I can't complain. The same thing happens when I ate chocolate cake and drank soda at the same time. The stuff tastes horrible until my tongue gets used to it.

I don't really know why biochemistry was such a big deal with everyone here. I can eat stuff just fine. Plus it's not like it can kill you or anything. The worst thing that could happen is a bad case of indigestion and some lost calories. They could just sprinkle just vitamins or something to make it more worthwhile.

Plus a whole lot of foods had both kinds of amino acids. Heck, I'm pretty sure there's at least one neurotransmitter that was dextro-amino. Meh. Not my problem, or anyone else's for that matter.

I never thought that pharmaceutical organic chemistry would be more than just a wasted course requirement. Funny how things work out.

If I start making money through art commissions I am going to cry. Thousands of dollars wasted and I won't even graduate.

… Okay. Moving on.

Anyways, I spied the plate of cookies on the table and I hopped up there to grab one.

Holy crap, these cookies are huge and they're still warm. I took a bite without thinking and Immediately felt bad.

What if these cookies were for someone? What if they were meant to be a present?

After staring at the cookie for a minute I popped the rest of it in my mouth. Frankly, if it was meant to be someone's lunch, they would've left their name on it or at least kept it in their own locker.

Plus, it's a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies! This is heaven on a plate. All I need now is a nice tall glass of milk. Unfortunately I still haven't figure out how to walk and hold a glass at the same time without sloshing everything everywhere. Hobbling along on three limbs definitely leaves a wet trail and my snout isn't pointy enough for me to bite and carry the rim.

Ugh, I have really weird problems.

I glanced back at the cookies whispering my name and I thought to myself, why not? They're good.

So I grabbed a few more, shoved it in my gut, and left the rest for everyone else and went back to my room to draw.

* * *

"Sepin? Don't you have anything better to do?" Sighed Garrus. "You're starting to look like a Volus who found a bargain."

"No. This is much too fascinating. Lucia seems perfectly at ease with eating foods of the wrong chirality. It's only took the smell of some boxed cookie mix to invoke the food response." Replied the salarian as he alternated between watching the mech draw in the interrogation room and charting numbers. "I'm observing her eating process. I wonder how she processes the things she eats without a digestive system."

"Wouldn't it be the same way she expels the water she drinks?"

"No. The water is directed into her nervous system and drive core before being expelled as water vapor through the nostrils. Foods are solid and don't work that way. Current brain waves suggest that eating may fulfil a psychological need at the very least. They are much calmer than they were before."

"So you're saying that the shouting match in the executor's office was because she was hungry?"

"Yes. And slightly sleep deprived." Bobbed Sepin as he typed something into his omnitool. "Yes. Of course. It makes sense. The brain is organic and still needs rest and nutrients. Though, having a miniature drive core offsets some of the needs." A few clicks later he begins to ramble, not even caring if Garrus was still listening. "The need for rest seems to stem from overstimulation rather than fatigue. Cognitive dissonance may also be a possibility since no healthy organic would forget to eat for such a long period of time. Or maybe it's another effect of the faulty perception filter."

"Okay well since she's probably going to be moving in with me soon do you have a care sheet?"

"Yes. Yes. I'm about to send it to you." Sepin stopped watching just long enough to hit send before turning back to the screen. "I must admit I'm rather jealous. How did you get Palin to allow this?"

"A combination of my charming personality and my aim." Snarked Garrus. "And the fact that as a detective I'm in the best position to hone her skills outside of Basic."

The expression on Sepin's face suddenly changed from curiosity to alarm.

"What's wrong?" Demanded Garrus. Because if something was wrong with his future roommate, he'd rather learn about it now rather than later.

"She's biting her leg again."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again. I got bored waiting for my other story to get edited so I cranked out another chapter for this one!
> 
> Portal is the greatest thing ever and the credits song from the first game was hilarious.
> 
> Also the amino acid thing makes no sense in the game. We eat lots of things with dextro amino acids in it, like mint.
> 
> If I get around to it, it will pop again as a relevant Plot point. It's has to do with Lucia's mysterious origins.
> 
>  


	5. Hindsight is 20/20

Once again, I suck at keeping time.

I’m just going to say this. Basic went horribly. I’m sure that in spite of the progress in creating an effective training program for b-synths, I would forever be remembered as the absolute worst trainee in history.

I couldn’t do push ups with the rest of the recruits since I was already moving on all fours. 

My fingers weren’t big enough to hold a gun so I was constantly dropping it or getting knocked on my ass from the recoil. I got pretty good at shuffling around on two legs with a shotgun in my arms though so that’s something. I just wish I didn’t look like I was carrying a giant fish while I walked. Good bye stealth.

I finished a mile in about a minute, which was pretty neat. The time dropped to about three minutes once I hopped off the treadmill, which was not so neat. No. I did NOT mean to break the sergeant's leg when I skidded off the track and fell on my face. Whoever says otherwise is a liar.

The obstacle course was fun until I got stuck in the tire tracks. On a totally unrelated note, I need to get better at tumbling because turning was hard at running speed. I did an excellent impression of a starfish when my legs gave out.

The years of childhood I spent in the pool were no longer applicable because of one single fact. Metal sinks in water. Good thing I can’t rust.

I guess...

Defensive driving was a terrifying experience because I was too small to use the wheel and the brakes at the same time. I tried to get around the size issue by mentally connecting to the camera ports outside the skycar…..

Um… Yeah.

Ask anyone from that unit to tell you the story of Crazy Chuck behind the wheel.

The name Chuckie came from me coughing up my dinner in the form of a dry hard pellet. I’m pretty sure that incident would’ve been forgotten if my stomach hadn’t decided to repeat the act every single morning. Apparently the cafeteria food was terrible enough to make a robot puke. 

I am never going to live that down. Ugh.

Surprisingly, once I got over my dislike for physical violence, I was pretty decent at hand to hand combat. By this I meant that I could usually take down my opponent because they were unused to fighting something as small and fast as I was. Also, being covered in metal has its advantages. Many an unfortunate officer has bruised their knuckles punching my head.

Okay. Moving on.

Once that nonsense was over I moved in with Garrus where we became the best pair of investigators in C-sec. It was a match made in heaven between my biometric scanner, adjustable sense of smell, recording abilities, and Garrus’s tenacity, connections, and detective skills, we interrupted quite a few crime operations. 

We’d arrive as the scene of a crime, I’d get the scents and readings of the people who’d been there, garrus would figure out what happened and get the necessary information, and then I’d lead him right to them. 

After that we’d either stop the thing from happening, or we’d watch the whole thing happen, I’d record all their faces and high tail it back to the labs and hand the footage to the techs.

Pffft. Yeah right. As if it were that easy.

No.

Garrus doesn’t know much about training police dogs. He keeps forgetting that locking a dog in one small space is a really dumb idea. Then again, getting bitten repeatedly might just be a dog training thing. I don’t think he’s going to try and become a handler though. It doesn’t look like he has the patience for it. 

If anything, he’s going to be stuck with a cat surveillance mech. 

Me.

That’s my cover actually. C-sec commissioned a secret company to try and recreate a sturdier version of the K9 unit as well as a sort of surveillance system. They got a bunch of cats because cats just sit around sleeping and watching everything. Naturally, it was chaos for a while because a bunch of cats and dogs locked in a confined space with nothing to do was a recipe for disaster, not that the majority of C-sec knew that. Most of them were aliens and few had ever really known about cats and dogs beyond the pages of an article. Anyways, because cats are awesome little buggers one of them decides to mess with some computer system and gets a VI uploaded into its systems.

Behold! Yours truly.

Normally I’d be a little miffed at being forced to play the part of an animal, but cats are fucking awesome! They’re really independent, elegant, cute, and they don’t give any fucks about anything. If I wasn’t so allergic to them I’d totally buy one! 

Wait. Tiny robot. Never mind.

I can actually get away with doing a bunch of things because I’d be playing the part of a really annoying but smart cat. As long as I kept out of the way and acted as a productive member of society I could more or less do what I want.

So there’s that.

The council still thought I was a safety risk so I had to be monitored at all times. I think it’s safe to say that most of my coworkers know me well enough to trust me with their safety, if not their skycars.  I did move in with Garrus though which is better than I expected. 

Apparently his father bought him an huge apartment when he started working at C-sec. Something about deserving to have a place to relax after work. The apartment was pretty sparse. It didn’t have any decorations or art on the walls. It was clean though, and didn’t have any weird smells which is better than most bachelor pads I’ve seen. 

Then again, turians might just be different. I mean, they’re really conservative about things. I couldn’t really get many answers of their bodily functions when I asked and the guys at the office nearly fainted when I explained the human menstrual cycle. You can never have too much sex ed after all.

Man, for a civilization of warriors in law enforcement you’d think they would be used to blood. Then again, not many things can bleed for seven days and not die.

Also, I kind of got sick of listening to racist and derogatory comments and well, let’s just say that none of them will ever speak poorly about a woman again. Seriously, the details of monthly bleeding and pregnancy are great for shutting people up. Especially guys.

I may or may not have caused a slight gender bias in the recruitment center. I know that the female applications are getting second glances.

Fortunately for me and my roommate, no uterus means no periods. Period.

Ha!

Oh yeah. No sex or kids either. 

… Still worth it. 

I think.

So anyway, it was more or less agreed that I would keep to my space and Garrus would keep to his. He kept his bedroom while I got the unused studio. He’d cook since he was the only one who needed it. Sometimes I’d help myself to a bite. Not too often since I get sick if I eat too much.

Something that happened more than I’d like to admit.

As a side note, turian food is really spicy. Like really really spicy. I really wish szechuan cuisine had a dextro equivalent. I’m sure it would be a real hit. Oh well, I’ll save that as a future project, just as soon as the thought of eating carnem stops making my eyes water.

Kinda like how chocolate is a major luxury on the station. It’s like 50 bucks for a cheap bar at the store, which kinda makes sense. Cacao beans only grow in a few areas on earth. I think some of the more expensive stuff goes for hundreds of dol- chits. Hundreds of chits.

Kind of like expensive wine.

I miss being able to buy a hershey’s with my bus fare.

I liked the studio. It was pretty quiet and I had a nice view of the citadel from the window. I had plenty of shelf space to keep my books. The desk was the perfect place to keep yarn and unfinished sweaters. I had plenty of wall space to post my drawings. 

I even have room to start my hairpin collection again.

… AWWW MAN! I just realized that cocoa powder is at a premium too! Ugh! So much for making my bi-annual chocolate cake! Garrus had a perfectly good convection oven too. Darn, I was really looking forward to using it.

Okay. Don’t think about it.

I sank into my seat and rested my chin on the table as I watched a man pass by with a wrapped box of Godiva chocolates.

Lucky bastard.

Garrus worked some pretty irregular hours as a detective. He was a good detective but he usually ran into problems getting proof. Hence my unofficial assignment to him. I just tagged along on his shoulders and stared at everything important so that video and audio could be taken. 

Sort of, it’s mostly practicing forensic science for me and animal handling for him. After all, I can slap him if he hurts me.

I’m probably being really mean when I say this. But I don’t think he’s going to be joining the K9 unit.

Garrus doesn’t care much for it aside from the fact that his father wasn’t involved in it. He’s not very enthusiastic when he handles the dog mechs and he gets angry really fast when training doesn’t go well and sometimes he’ll try to force the dog mechs. It’s actually pretty scary to see. I thought I’d die that night when I suggested he leave the dog alone and treat his bitten arm.

He still hasn’t spoken to me much beyond mandatory interactions. This was a week ago.

I’d really hate think what would happen if he set an attack dog on the wrong person. He’s a bit too… unyielding to work with a dog.

I think Jaxom can see that too, he never really lets Garrus stay after the training session is over like he does with the others.

I’m not going to say anything though. That’s just asking for trouble. And pain. Lots and lots of it. I live with him after all.

So back to forensic science.

I don’t have much experience with this sort of thing aside from dissecting rats in my anatomy and physiology lab in college and watching autopsies at the station. Since I’m not much good for an actual investigations until my skills are up to par I get left behind for the actual cases.

A lot.

The boredom between those shifts was awful. I must’ve painted over my ceiling twice during all the free time. 

Note to self, do not paint eyes on the ceiling unless you want nightmare fuel. Or eye charts for that matter. That shit’s creepy.

In the end, to fill up my extra time, I got a second job.

I got a desk job as a secretary. I was to be right at the entrance and direct people to where they needed to go and interfere with the Royal Entitled Ass aka Harkin whenever he decided to embarrass the human race. At least I got a cute outfit out of it. Or rather, what constitutes as an outfit for me, seeing as I can’t wear pants and move at the same time.

Wow, there were lots of things I couldn’t do…

Best not to think about them. 

At the desk I wore this scaled down version of a C-Sec uniform. It was a cute little black vest with a few blue streaks running down the sides and a quick release collar. The vest was pretty thick and it was lined with some sort of bullet proof material. I had a more dressy version with elbow length sleeves that I was supposed to wear for ceremonies. It was just as thick, which was bad because it meant I had problems moving my arms.

I mean, my legs.

Old Jaxom said that the first K9 unit wore them for protection. He showed me a picture of his old partner, a burly rottweiler named Addie, wearing one. 

You know… Jaxom talked about his partner a lot on the rare occasions we spoke. He always spoke about how brave and energetic she was, how she died in the line of duty saving his own life, and how much he wished she was still with him. I always thought she was an asari. 

Shows what I know right?

It kind of explained why he was so happy working with the dog mechs despite nearly getting mauled by them every day. I kind of wish we spoke more, but dealing with robotic animals eats up a lot of time.

I’m glad he has that job. I might be able to command the mechs, but I have no clue how to train them. Plus the council doesn’t want me forming an army.

Yeah, the council actually believes that I’ll have time to form an army between training with Garrus, at the desk, drawing, crocheting, and working.

I asked Palin how an art turned science student without any military experience would be able form an army and he just shrugged his shoulders and told me to go back to work.

He thought that having a friendly looking face would be less intimidating and be better for public relations. I’m sure that my years spent in retail and babysitting had nothing to do with that decision whatsoever. I mean let’s be honest, who would be scared of a robot space cabbit in a snazzy suit? Come on, as weird as it might sound, my robot form is actually pretty cute. 

Plus I had plenty of experience pretending to be energetic and upbeat. I’d fooled plenty of people in headquarters hadn’t I? Long hours at a register doing email blasts and dealing with rude, pretentious assholes tends to do that to you.

I’ve even been making a bit of money on the side from people paying me to prank the Royal Entitled Asshole and people paying me to entertain their kids while they sorted stuff out with an officer. 

Sometimes I’d get paid to watch my coworker’s kids too.

God bless studio Ghibli, Disney, and Pixar for making all those wonderfully entertaining movies. Kids love them. Princess mononoke and other animated classics are surprisingly popular with the non human crowd. I know Jaxom’s nephew liked Nausicaa Valley of the Wind, possibly for it’s premise of war. 

Broadway shows were pretty popular too, but a projected show pales in comparison to the real thing.

Oh well.

So while my official salary was eighty chits a day, my actual earnings were more like 200 since I charged six an hour for babysitting and I usually ended up watching five kids once every few days. 

I didn’t have regular office hours either, but it fills the time.

Single parenthood was still tough, even in this day and age and trauma victims are no slouch to care for.

Besides, the rules only said that children weren’t allowed in the office. They said nothing about the lobby or the entrance. Palin can grumble as much as he likes, but it’s still true.

There are so many rules on the Citadel. 

If I hadn’t read the entire book of laws I’d have mistaken it to be a joke.

Seriously, there are some really weird ones in the book. I can’t imagine the circumstances that prompted the creation such nonsensical rules. For instance, there is a law against the creation of AIs but this law predates the geth rebellions. Where did it come from?

There’s another law stating that wearing neon pink socks is prohibited unless it is worn with a matching neon pink helmet.

What’s up with that?

Anyways, I’m always glad for rules against stupidity. Idiots are great inspirations for comedy. I just don’t like to be surrounded by them. If it can pull on a rule to get something done I definitely will. It’s really cathartic to watch someone get their comeuppance. 

Plus it’s really fun to screw over assholes by following rules. There’s a reason why white mutiny is so effective.

I just have problems with rules that don’t apply to reality. Those are a violation against common sense and ought to be burnt to a crisp.

There shouldn’t be any laws against whaling in the state of Utah because THERE AREN’T ANY WHALES IN UTAH! IT’S LANDLOCKED!

Yes that’s still illegal, along with other stupid things like having sex with a porcupine, sleeping on top of a refrigerator outdoors, whistling underwater in west virginia, or fishing from giraffes in Idaho.

Seriously who does these things? Why would you fish from a giraffe? How would you get one in IDAHO of all places. They live in Africa! Plus they’re huge. Like, you’d need a ladder or a really big foot stool to get on one and a really long pair of reins. 

Ugh.

A very anxious looking turian approaches the front desk. “Um… Hello?” He looked around, probably expecting me to actually be the receptionist. “Could someone help me? Please?”

I sat up and replied. It wasn’t good to slouch on the job after all. “Hello! C-Sec headquarters, How may I be of assistance?” I did a quick biometric scan of him too. Garrus said it would be handy for finding people and monitoring squad mates.

The turian jumped when I replied but quickly got over it. “I-I found a...” The man shuddered at what he was about to say. “A d-dead body.”

“I see.” Oh that’s not good. Sadly, it’s not that uncommon either. Crime still happens and it will probably keep happening until the end of time. Evil is subjective, as is the definition of crime. I pulled out a pen and started taking notes. I left out his name when he requested it. “Where is the body located?”

“I-in the Zak-kera ward. Lower sector.”

“Zakera ward.” I wrote that down too. ”Got it.”

After I took down the rest of the details I turned on the intercom and made a few calls directing patrol to the area in question. Once I was finished I turned back to the turian and thanked him for him information. “Is there anything else you need help from me?”

“N-no. That was it.”

He turned to leave when I called after him. “Sir, please wait a moment.”

I’m not sure if his vitals are going overdrive because he was terrified or if he had an existing health problem. I haven’t seen many turian autopsies to get a good look at their anatomy. But even I could say with certainty that organs that bled in closed circulatory systems were not a good thing. “You don’t look well. Maybe you should see a doctor. Dr. Michel perhaps?” I suggested.

“O-oh. Um… I can’t afford it. It’s fine really. U-Um.. I can handle it. Really.”

That’s not uncommon either which is something that really needs to get fixed. I’ve heard too many accounts of disease and injuries going untreated due to the accessibility of healthcare and I don’t know if medicaid covers this sort of thing. Or if it still exists at all. 

I still had to help him or else I’d have an extra corpse lying around for no good reason. “Sir I can’t in good conscience let you leave like this. Internal bleeding from the liver is no joke.”

“Thank you for your concern but my health is none of your business.” Insisted the turian. He was becoming more aggravated and defensive by the minute. Wow. What ever he had must be really embarrassing. A result of an STD maybe? 

Well whatever it was, it’s pretty serious. He’s gonna be dead real soon if that liver doesn’t get checked.

I’m not allowed to bring civilians to the C-sec infirmary on account of it being considered a poor resource investment. Not unless they were in a life or death situation or they were important witnesses.

“There’s no need to be embarrassed about going to a human doctor. Everyone gets sick ever once in awhile.” I hopped down from my seat and dragged him inside by his sleeve. “We have a good salarian doctor too.”

“WHat! HEY! LET GO-” 

I just picked up my pace so that he would be too busy trying to keep up to make a big fuss.

Once we arrived at the infirmary I shut the door before the turian could leave and called over a nurse. “Please give him a full examination. And maybe explain to him that his anxiety is largely unwarranted.”

The nurse gave me an unimpressed look. “Didn’t you already get in trouble for bringing people here? This isn’t a public clinic.”

“Yeah. But this is an actual life or death situation. He has liver failure!”

“No I DON’T” Protested the turian.

“You realize that if our time is wasted the money will come from your wages right?”

“Really? Well [LOUD AIR HORN].” I pondered the new information for all of a few seconds before speaking again. “Treat him anyway. He’s already here.”

“Very well. It’s your money.” The nurse’s demeanor changed from irritation to worry, which, as far as I’m concerned means that my job was over. She knew as well as anyone else, Palin included, that my biometric scanner was really accurate. If I picked up something serious, they were definitely going to look at it. “Lucia, you may go. I’ll handle it from here.”

Sepin did a really good job adding to it’s prior capabilities. I could actually tell heart rates and muscle contractions now. It’s kind of gross to watch, but really fascinating too. I just wish that blood vessels didn’t look so much like centipedes. It gives me the willies. He told me that my next update would mean I could see injuries.

I nodded to the nurse. “‘Kay. Let me know what happens.” Then I turned to the panicking turian and chirped. “Don’t worry. Nurse Joy is really good at her job. I hope you feel better!” Before trotting out the door.

* * *

 

Garrus swore loudly when he got the call from Sepin and changed his course to Zakera ward.

His idiot roommate had gone off to check out a homicide ON HER OWN! Even if the perp had left, Zakera ward was definitely not the safest place to carry out a first investigation much less a solo one. 

It wasn’t like her to do something like this. Lucia was usually smarter than that.

Then again, maybe that wasn’t so surprising. She was incredibly nosy, constantly butting into everything and talking to everyone. Occasionally she’d even try to do their jobs like right now.

No to mention she sometimes acts without thinking.

He’d almost gotten that dog mech to go down when she dragged him off to get a scratch fixed. By the time he’d gotten back from the infirmary the dog mechs had been put away for the night and he had to leave.

It would probably be weeks before he’d get the mech to respond again.

At least she knew to leave him alone when he was angry.

He parked his skycar a little distance away. Parking was usually terrible in this area. He’d have to cover the rest of the distance on foot.

* * *

 

Sometimes I regret my weird hours at C-sec.

I got word that the patrol officers would be busy for a while so I decided to go and investigate on my own. After leaving a note and telling someone where I would be of course. 

It wasn’t hard for me to get there, I just hopped from skycar to skycar until I arrived.

I hate doing that. Being so high above the ground is fucking terrifying. But I hated driving too and I still do it if I have to.

I won’t go so far as to say I was gathering evidence, but I was recording what I saw, heard, and smelled.

The body in the Zakera wards? It was completely eviscerated. The torso cavity was emptier than the stomachs of my passengers when I drive. I’m fairly certain that if it showed up in a movie, it would be rated T. It’s not that gross or disgusting, but rather clean. 

I really wish the dead human showed more signs of conflict aside from missing half of his head and the lack of internal organs.

That’s ones of the reasons it’s so disturbing. That and the blood splatters on the walls.

Okay. Rated M in movie theatres then. 

Poor guy.

It looks like someone smashed his head into the wall to kill him. I guess that would make the weird unidentifiable objects on the ground the pieces of his skull. 

I can’t believe I have to work on a murder case, alone no less. I’d much rather go back to practicing on robberies or vandalism. At least those didn’t smell like a butcher shop and crap. Humans tend to pee and poop due to the sudden relaxing of the muscles. The same happens during a fear response you know.

He died in his own home. No one would’ve discovered this if not for the building attendant noticing the open door.

I tried to repress the shudder but failed. 

I am so pestering Garrus to upgrade security once I get home because the idea of death by invasion is terrifying. Holy shit. 

Brain, stop conjuring images of me dying horribly. I’m fairly certain I don’t have those organs anymore.

I should probably get some more in depth visuals, but I’m a bit too wigged out from this. I hope the other officers get here soon.

Maybe I can distract myself by looking for less obvious clues.

Okay, I’ll start at the beginning.

I hopped onto the wall and began to narrate my thoughts. I have no idea how Garrus does this. There are so many things to take in that I’m overwhelmed. I think the knowledge of the dead body is throwing me off which is weird because I’m no stranger to dead bodies. 

Mind you, they weren’t human bodies but still.

“The door was perfectly functional, either the guy left it unlocked or the intruder found another way in. Of course, the intruder could’ve been just as good at picking locks.”

I paused to move closer to the ground.

“The rug has some pretty big indents pressed into it. Judging by the depth, they belong to a heavyweight species. They look like they have been swept in an attempt to hide the prints. I think it’s either the prints of a krogan, elcor or a big turian with really big and heavy shoes.”

I didn’t notice anything else unusual in the room so I sat back and cranked up my smell sensitivity by just a little. 

_ Olfactory sensor: {6/10} Medium-high  _

Oh look. There goes my lunch. At least I got it in the garbage bin this time.

I took a sniff and promptly wretched again. The stench was overpowering.

But… I now smelled more then excreted waste products. “Ignoring what just happened, I smell [TOILET FLUSHING] and [WATER SLOSHING].” I slammed my head into the wall. Stupid internal censor. I sound like an idiot. The mothball smell must be getting to my head. “Allow me to retract my previous statement. I smell something akin to mothball scented cologne with just a touch of feces and urine. There’s something very musky here too. It’s heavy but not very strong. It does NOT smell like a male turian if Garrus is any comparison. I don’t think it smells like a female either but I can’t really say since I haven’t studied it in depth.”

Right, that was another reason I needed to narrate my thoughts. Smells aren’t very easy to capture or to describe. Learning to recognize them is a nightmare and I’ve only just begun They don’t last long in everyday conditions which means I have maybe a minute to pick it up and describe it. 

I can’t believe they’re used me to practice dog trainers. I mean it makes sense since I’m not inclined to bite and crush bones but it’s pretty undignifying. At least I got some pretty good art supplies out of it. Alcohol markers are still fucking expensive. 

Wait a minute. Strong smells.  “The intensity of the smells indicates that the window is still shut. The intruder must’ve closed the window once he was done, that or he left through the door.”

Given that It wasn’t particularly difficult for me to get in I can’t say I was surprised. Then again, I’ve never had much problems getting a door to unlock. If I stare at it and mentally reach out I found out I could fiddle around with the flow of data until it gave me what I wanted. I thought it was just a few some games stored away in my head until the door to a restricted hallway opened for me and Captain Bailey caught me.

I’m not sure how long we stared at each other but since he wasn’t supposed to be there either, we agreed that it never happened.

“I can’t quite place the heaviness of the air. It’s really quite thick, almost like motor oil or formaldehyde. I can almost taste it. I suspect the windows were shut to hide the smell of waste and blood.”

I wandered around the walls some more taking in the information. I found a pretty dull scalpel in the bathroom and I made a note of it. I wasn’t sure what the resident did so I left it alone. Maybe he was a doctor?

My eyes found their way back to the body against my will.

It was still there. 

What was I supposed to do with it?

I’m going to have nightmares about this. His eyes (eye?) are still open. I should close them. But if I do that would it be interfering with a crime scene?

Well, judging by the blood spatters on the wall, his head was slammed into the corner of this desk in the corner. 

There wasn’t anything else for me to do until the other officers arrived. So I sat around outside the apartment and waited.

That was probably a really dumb thing to do but hindsight is 20/20.

It never occurred to me that danger was still near by.

At least until the tingling began.

_ Synchronicity: 92% _

It was pretty small at first, it happened often enough when I sat for too long. I figured it would go away soon enough, so I ignored it.

_ Synchronicity:  80% _

Then it just got stronger and more painful until I could practically feel my brain scrambling. Until my skin felt as if it was burning. I figured that I was in serious trouble at this point.

_ Synchronicity:  76% _

Unfortunately I wasn’t in any shape to do anything about it. The ground was somehow moving underneath me and it was all I could really do to stay in one place. It didn’t work much, I ended up staggering several times before I had to stop moving.

_ Synchronicity: 59% _

My legs weren’t cooperating and they buckled under my own weight. Traitors. I tried to call for help but the words wouldn’t form in my mind. I felt the chip in the quick snap collar activate in spite of the electric pulses. At least the distress beacon still worked.

_ Synchronicity: 40% _

Then everything faded to white static.


	6. Chapter 6

I'm running again.

Something is after me. It's huge and I can't let it consume me.

I can't… I can't...

But I must.

I don't want to forget.

I…

It's leaving.

…..

The world vibrated as most of my senses came back to me again.

I had been confined to what appeared to be a bloom closet sans brooms.

My head was pounding from my captor's last memory wipe. I'm fairly sure that I still had everything important but I did a quick check just to be sure.

Personal information? Check.

Video footage? Check.

Skill summary? Check. Oh wait. I'm pretty sure there wasn't this much corruption last time. Meh

I'll just clean it out later.

Audio cache? Check.

Instructions? Check.

Video projector? Also check.

I think I have everything.

Key word, I think.

I'm not sure if I'd notice that something was missing anyway as I probably wouldn't remember knowing it. Still, Clearing out the corruption shouldn't take too much time.

On the bright side, I still have the things I learned from basic. I might be missing a few movies but I can re download those later. And also my art programs. That shit's expensive.

My collar was gone so no use waiting for rescue to come. My vest was still on me so I don't think that much time had passed since I got fried. Even if it was too small for anyone else, wouldn't they just pick it apart for the materials?

Or maybe I'm the only one who does that. I'm kind of a poor college student.

Wait. No. Never mind.

My legs were bound together with some sort of makeshift handcuffs. All four of my legs were connected with a knot in the middle. The bonds also carried some sort of charge, likely to keep me out cold or immobile. They seemed to be geared towards varren or some other four legged predator. The shocks tingled a little, but it was nothing like the EMP that knocked me out.

_Synchronicity: 80%_

I took a few experimental steps to see how much movement I had and I nearly fell on my face before catching myself.

Okay. I suppose that my legs had too little in terms of range and that would limit my stride. The tingling was annoying, but not disabling. It took me longer than I would've liked to correct myself. It's kind of like suddenly jumping up after sitting a long test. Everything was either numb, prickly, or tingly and nothing worked right.

Judging by the connection I might be able to get away with synchronizing my front leg with its opposite rear leg. I don't have much experience moving like that, won't be much help in escaping.

Especially since I'm still disoriented. The world swayed just a little bit.

Okay. I guess I'll walk on two then.

How ironic.

I've been trying to stop doing that all this time and now it might just be my only effective way of moving around.

I could either walk on two legs like a human being, or I could just push myself and drag my arms on the ground.

I tried to stand on my hind legs to try and promptly fell flat on my face. Reaction time was down and I landed with a heavy thud.

I don't know what I was expecting, but just because it was a viable option didn't mean that I was good at it. My center of balance is still higher than what I'm used to and I still fall on my face.

"What was that?" rumbled a voice. I've never heard anything quite like it. It was deep and gravelly. Maybe it was a krogan or a batarian? I'm not really sure. I've never heard either one speak at C-sec. Then again, maybe I have and I didn't pay attention. It's kind of hard to do that when a bunch of little kids keep demanding stories at the same time.

"The mech must've reactivated itself!" Answered an annoying nasally voice. Definitely a salarian.

"Someone go look at it!"

It also occurred to me that I might've been monitored while I was being held captive.

Something is approaching. That's not going to be good. That's really not good.

Okay. Calm down me. Calm down.

They already know I'm active. If they find out I'm sapient I'm either going to die, or worse. I won't think about it.

Panicking would be bad right now.

I need to stay in character. Meow. Meow. I'm a kitty. Feed me tuna.

I slammed my head into the floor in frustration. I've been careless. I shouldn't have gone to the apartment alone and I definitely shouldn't have lost track of my surroundings. Stupid stupid me for assuming that things were safe.

The door abruptly slip open and a green salarian stared down at me.

I stared back for a few moments before thrashing about and yowling at the top of my lungs.

The salarian reached down grab me and I hissed at him to move away. When that failed I bit him.

Now I'm sure that watching a salarian flail around with a cabbit mech clamped onto his hand was very entertaining from an outside point of view but it was terrifying for me. I am not a fan of rollercoasters or fast moving rides. Being tossed around like that in high speeds was nauseating.

I am so glad I emptied my stomach at the other place.

Eventually after the salarian caused enough fuss I let go and hissed at him again.

I didn't stop even when I felt someone approach from behind me.

"What's going on here?!" Barked an alien with four eyes. _/Baterian/_

Wow. I never thought the insult four-eyes would become a literal thing.

I probably should've been scared seeing as I don't know where I am, I've been bound, and I'm probably gonna die. I even have to act the part of a scared cat.

But I'm not.

"The mech has reactivated. It's very belligerent." Said the salarian over my high pitched howling. He made like he was going to grab me and I reacted by shrinking back as far as I possibly could until my back hit the wall. The hand moved closer so I threw myself forward to bite it.

Maybe this just hasn't sunk in yet.

"Why is it on the ship in the first place?!" Demanded the batarian. "I gave orders to avoid them at all costs!"

Someone who I couldn't see answered. "It was sitting in the hallway. It must've followed us to the meeting place."

Oh great. I wasn't stuck in the middle of nowhere because the perp wanted me dead. I was stuck here because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time! Once again O great Powers That Be. Why art thou doing this to me? I asked in my head.

The batarian in charge made a noise of disgust before grabbing me by the collar of my vest and holding me in front of his face.

Stupid move on his part. What is it with people holding dangerous things close to their face?

Even with my legs restricted His face was still within my strike range. I chose not to smack him with my tail though. I'd need an ace in the hole for when they figure me out.

I really don't understand the idea of holding an animal to your face. You are practically asking to get attacked, especially if that animal is terrified, pissed, or both. Naturally I clawed at him but no harm came as I lacked the necessary tools to really hurt someone. I wish I had claws like the actual cat mechs. Claws would be very handy right about now.

Also batarians are fucking terrifying. Their sallow yellow skin and vaguely human faces combined with the four eerily human eyes, plant them firmly in the uncanny valley alongside the asari. Seriously, they look like demons from a horror movie. The kind that lures people in under false pretenses of power, then slowly corrupts them into destroying everything around them.

If the Powers That Be are real, then it stands to reason that the demons are real too.

… No no. I can't let that take over my mind right now. First of all that's really racist and unwarranted. Second, fear is not something I need right this minute.

If I let that fear take over I'd crack and start bawling, which would break character and thus, kill me. Wow.

Survival instincts are strong stuff.

"Tch. If it weren't for the idiots I'd have just left you behind." Huffed the batarian. "At least you're worth something."

Gee I'm so flattered.

"Wouldn't have that just brought more C-sec attention to the operation?" asked someone. Human male I think. He sounded pretty young too.

"If what Fade said was true, they do memory wipes on the mechs all the time." The batarian shrugged as he put me back down. "This one's no different."

I tried to take a swipe at him but I missed on account of having interconnected legs.. "MREEEOOWW!" I screeched.

Not on me they don't. I lived through memory loss once already, I'm not doing it again because some sap thought it was a good idea to kidnap me.

The batarian seemed to have anticipated my strike and kicked me away from him. I think he may have dented my hip through the vest. Oh well. I can fix that later with Garrus's hammer.

"We can sell it once we get to omega. Put it with the hostages." He commanded tossing me to another salarian. "That should keep them from scheming. Especially that asari kid."

Then I'm thrown into the darkness.

* * *

Casia hated being the granddaughter of a counselor.

She repeated this often and she always meant it. People never wanted to be friends with her. They just wanted her to put in a good word for them. Her mother was always busy and her father died was dead before she could remember him.

She had never hated being the matriarch's grand daughter more than today.

Because her grandmother's enemies had decided to kidnap her and tie her hands to her feet.

Now she was stuck on a ship in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of stupid toddlers who were probably here for the same stupid reason. No matter what she said they just kept crying and whimpering.

The noise was making it hard to think.

Virtas would probably have some ideas, but they gassed him earlier when the two of them tried to escape and failed. Casia had no idea if he would wake up but she really hoped he would.

Now she had to wait until she was either rescued or killed because knowing her luck, she'd be dead by the time the spectres came.

Then the door opened and WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!

She shrieked in alarm when the thing turn its bulging eyes to look at her.

The pupils dilated and constricted a few times before focusing on her.

"Mrow?" It burbled.

The two of them stared at each other for a few moments before the creature flipped on a light switch.

Suddenly the room was flooded with light from the creatures forehead. Some of the younger children whimpered at the sudden brightness and hid their faces when the thing turned to look at them.

Oh thank the goddess. The creature was one of those mechs that C-Sec used.

She'd seen several of them wandering when she was on the citadel. Her grandmother had mention that they all had tracking devices.

Now how did you summon them? "Come." Commanded Casia.

The mech turned and stared blankly at her.

"Come." Repeated Casia without any result.

The mech started moving towards her but stopped as if remembering something.

"Come here you stupid mech!" She hissed.

She struggled furiously to stand for a few moments before giving up in frustration. Then she remembered something her grandmother had said.

"It appears that the mechs still require training to utilize their programs. Or at least to stop them from listening to the wrong people."

Of course the mech wouldn't listen to her! She wasn't it's handler.

If only it was the receptionist mech. That one was supposed to be really smart and friendly and fun to talk to if Virtas was right.

Maybe this one could pass a message?

"Mech. Can you send this message?" She took a deep breath. "This is Casia Tevos. I am being held hostage in an unknown ship. I am here with Virtas Palin and a large amount of small children. I can only assume we were abducted as part of a conspiracy." She felt her eyes watering as she forced out the words." Please help us! I don't want to be the reason we die! I don't want them to kill us all. Virtas got gassed and now he won't wake up! Who ever gets this message, send help as fast as you can! Please! I-"

"SHUT UP BRAT!" An angry thud on the other side of the cargo bay door silenced her. "Or I'll space you all!"

Casia wiped off her eyes and glared at the door but she quieted herself nonetheless.

The mech only stared.

* * *

It had been hours since he'd arrived at the scene. Hours since he'd found his roommate's radio collar.

Hours since she'd essentially been abducted.

He couldn't do anything about that. There was nothing around for him to work with. When he raised the alarm about her status he had been expecting to mount a rescue or something similar. He'd been expecting something to be done.

But to his eternal frustration, nothing was happening.

Palin said that a search was being mounted in secret, because as far as the public knows, it was only one surveillance mech. One mech can be replaced.

The price would be astronomical and it would cost more than two months worth of paychecks. But a b-synth mech could be replaced.

The council didn't care for her existence. He was almost certain that the search would comprise of people who didn't know the first thing about her.

They wouldn't bother.

Unless there was information that made her a priority.

Garrus needed to find that information. Something that would make her worth saving.

The two of them needed to work out their issues. She might've been a robot, but she was still his partner. Even if she kept interfering with his own job.

"Garrus. We've found something."

* * *

I have the worst luck ever.

Not only was I at the wrong place at the wrong time, I now had to worry about a serious hostage situation involving a bunch of kids. Kidnapped kids no less. Someone is going to be needing a crap ton of therapy after this.

Myself included.

Actually strike that. I already need therapy, because as far as I know, I'm still supposed to be at home procrastinating on my paper. NOT interacting with aliens, or dreaming about them, or being an alien. Therapy honestly does sound pretty nice, except I barely make more than minimum wage and I had to twist a few arms just to get a bank account set up for me. I can't imagine how much work it would take for me get a therapist. That's assuming that there are therapists who handle people like me. Which is not likely since if there were others like me, I wouldn't have to keep a cover and- No. Stop. Focus.

There are kids around and they are way more important than me. I mean this in a completely different sense than what C-sec academy basic drills. These kids are way way more important than me as in, they are the family of politicians.

Tevos is the last name of the asari councilor. I kind of recognize some of the other kids from an internet search on my captors, and I'm almost certain that the unconscious turian boy is the executor's nephew. I've met the kid a few times but not enough to know him personally and certainly not enough to tell him apart from someone else when he's face down and out cold.

The younger kids wouldn't look at me. Most of them looked to be asari with a few turians mixed in, though if I looked hard enough I think I could make out something else. No. Wait. That was a dead body, never mind.

Ew. I shuddered slightly. That's probably why they were so freaked out. Aside from the guy threatening to flush them into space I mean.

By the looks of it, they were all elementary school to middle school students. Which is really bad because kids that age aren't particularly discreet although the corpse in the corner probably scared them enough to keep them from doing anything. This is the sort of thing that will scar them for life. Maybe I should get them puppies or something. Therapy dogs are a thing here right?

I've sent Casia's message to just about everyone I knew, but I figured it would still take them some time for them to trace it back to me. I mailed it as spam to bypass the information monitors as fast as I could. Sepin is pretty good about checking his spam filters and he does it every afternoon. Hopefully I haven't missed it yet.

Anyways with that done all that's left is to wait for them to get us.

The waiting was torture though. I had to lie down after sometime because the surges were making it hard to stand for long periods of time. I stood up again after a few second had passed. I hated not doing anything and I still had the feeling that something needed to be done. There has to be something that I could do to improve the situation. The knowledge that only a door stood between us and death does not make for a restful atmosphere.

Aaaaand now panic and anxiety have made their reappearance. Joy.

I quickly shoved everything back into that little box in the back of my mind because I do not need any of that right now. If I have a melt down, we are all screwed. But that didn't work so I slammed my head into the ground to get rid of the tremors in my legs. I felt my throat tightening and I started floating away.

Synchronicity: 70%

Crap.

Okay. Okay. Calm down me. Deep breaths. You can do this.

I ignored Casia staring at me and started pacing again. Well, it wasn't so much pacing as much as it was hopping. I moved faster that way, even if I sometimes fell on my face. I kind of wished I thought to do that earlier.

Okay, never mind that.

I'm stuck in the cargo bay with a bunch of kids and I need to get them out. What can I do, to get them out?

What do I have on me that I can use?

A fake spider, dog ball (extra bouncy), a first aid kit, medigel packets, duct tape, wd-40, some sewing needles on a sponge, a lace doily that I hadn't finished crocheting which I stuffed into the roll of duct tape, and a permanent marker.

Nothing I can use there. At least, not right now.

Something that I can do then?

Well, I can scan biometrics, access the internet, draw, crochet, playback things that I've seen and the things I've heard, hack certain kinds of computer software, use my forehead lens as a flashlight, fire a pistol without dropping it, fire a bigger gun that's propped against something, and I can walk up walls. I have teeth that I use when I eat or when I can't get a grip on plastic wrapping.

Hmm… Could I hack the door?

I started hopping towards the door.

"Mech. What are you doing?" Called Casia.

I looked at her for a few moments just to show that I had heard but I walked to the door anyway.

"-ease don't l-et t)(-e -ad guys in?" Burbled another voice. That one gave me pause for a few moments as I worked out what was being said. Asari didn't talk like that. Their words were more flowy, a little like russian or hawaiian.

It must've been turian then, a young one who hadn't picked up the gist of galactic standard or someone who was too small for a translator. They didn't have lips so they always sounded a little bit like aquatic crows. They're equivalents to m, b, and p sounds were hard, sharp and sounded like they were cut off from something else with the subvocals filling in the space. It was hard to hear them out of context.

I turned in the direction of the quiet voice to see a small turian girl that had been curled up behind a crate. Wow, she was tiny. Her poor parents must be worried sick, but right now there's nothing I can do aside from getting us all out of the damn cargo bay.

I ran my biometric scanner to see if it was someone I should know.

Feferi Peixes. The current primarch's daughter. Huh, I thought she would've been older. Wasn't he like 50 or something?

Meh, aliens.

I closed my eyes and extended my mind out towards the door. The data streams making themselves visible to me, at least in my mind's eye. The glowing lines crossing between the door and the wall surrounding it. The red lines aren't to be touched. They are security and burn when I do.

Orange lines are communication streams. If I could access them I could listen in on all sorts of conversations with out getting deafened by all the other conversations happening in the galaxy. As of right now, that's just noise and static, like a packed school cafeteria.

The green ones are standard data streams, they carry information and instructions throughout the ship. I tentatively reached out with my mental avatar to see if I could manipulate them.

The stream parted around my fingers when I stuck them inside and the entire stream shifted when I gave it a good push. That was a good sign. I could change the flow so that the door opens.

Okay. So I have a way out of the cargo bay. That's a good start. What about our bindings? An exit is all well and good but it doesn't mean anything if no one could capitalize on it.

My cuffs were controlled by a key which means that the green streams are extra tiny. And while I probably could get it off eventually, I'm not willing to devote weeks to poking at data threads. They only limit the range of my legs anyway so I could probably adapt. Probably.

I can't say the same for the kids though. Most of them were bound with cables. Their hands bound to their legs or behind their backs. I have some teeth that appear when I want to chew at something. I could've chewed through rope, or even wire.

Cables, not so much.

I'm going to add knives and wire cutters to the list of 'Things I must always carry with me' when I get back to the citadel.

These guys must've been on a budget or something, the C-Sec restraints are all solid pieces and way more secure than cables. Not that I want them to use cuffs but still.

Now I know somewhere out in the universe, I'm going to be condemned by moral guardians when I say that I'm not sure if releasing the kids are the best thing to do.

I have problems anticipating adult behaviors in society. I imagine that traumatized children would be even harder to anticipate. Plus not all of them are inclined to stay in one place and respect a thing that's a quarter of their size, that can't talk.

I could break cover for this too. But again, little kids talk. A whole lot. I'm not really sure if this is worth it.

But then again, I don't like the idea of leaving them in the cargo bay. Being taken is scary enough with control of your limbs. Plus if shit goes down like I expect it will then they would have a better chance of saving themselves. There's also the fact that they would blab to their families about a C-Sec mech leaving them in the cargo bay, which would be really bad for public relations. Personally I don't really care about what people thought of me, but my continued existence and freedom is kind of dependant on the goodwill of others.

Ugh. I did NOT sign up for this.

I hope I get a raise after this, or paid leave for non-existent mech therapy.

Dammit! Stop getting distracted! What do I do?

That was a moot question. My conscience would never leave me alone if I let them stayed tied up. With a sigh I got up from my position and turned away from the door. My face planted itself on the floor as I made to move and I heard some giggles from the corner.

I fell because my legs were tied up and not because I tried to stand up on two legs. That's what happened and I'm sticking to it.

That being said, I'm glad that they got some amusement out of it.

I picked myself up and shuffled over to the tiny turian who looked both terrified and relieved.

Feferi's hands and feet were bound so tightly that her armored scales actually started to crack. I definitely wouldn't be able to cut the wires without making her bleed everywhere. No need to make the blue blood metaphor real after all. But on closer inspection, I noticed that the wire was galvanized.

Slowly, an idea begins to form in my mind.

I can't cut the wire but maybe I can get it to unravel.

I reached inside my torso cavity, and pulled out my unfinished doily. The project hung from my tiny thin aluminum crochet hook, and with great reluctance, I pulled the hook out and shoved the doily back into the duct tape roll. There went seven hours of work that I'll probably need to unravel. I knew I should have used stitch markers when I worked.

Feferi watched in fascination as I pulled out the WD-40, sprayed the tip of the hook and began separating the strand of wire that made the cable. Once I latched onto one I gave it a sharp tug and the strand snapped under the pressure.

Yes! One down, 99 more to go.

I quickly set to work hooking and breaking them.

I was about a quarter way through when I realized something. I had forgotten that the creeps would probably come back to feed and water the kids at some point. Sure enough, the door opened and I quickly slipped the hook into the crevice where the crate met the floor, shut off my forehead light,. and flopped down over the damaged cable.

The door opened to reveal a batarian carrying a bucket and a sack of what was probably dry bread. I think it was the one who ordered me in here.

The first thing he did was look around until he saw me. Which was smart, since if I wasn't here breaking wires, I probably would've made a run for it.

Then he came inside and put a bucket or water in the center and sort of chucked the contents of the sack everywhere on the ground. All but the youngest asari glared right back at him, which is good. That means they still have bite.

Casia spoke up. "You better treat us with respect or you'll pay for it."

The batarian only sneered back at her. "You think you're in any position to make threats?" He marched forward and kicked her across the cargo bay. "Your only use is your connection to the counselor. We'll be getting what we want soon. Either from your families or from the slave auctions you're going to." He gave use all a very nasty smile and left.

I stared at the door where he stood just a minute ago with my mouth on the floor. Casia was still curled on the floor, clutching what was surely a very nasty bruise. I could hear her sniffling and trying to suppress sobs. I wonder if that was from anger or despair. I really hope it's anger.

Then I tried to process what the creep had said.

What the fuck?! Who the fuck has slaves in this day and age?! And isn't money laundering more effective?

Now I really wish I had smacked him when I had the chance. Slavery is just wrong.

I picked up the crochet hook and redoubled my efforts to free the kids.

I had just about freed Feferi when I smacked myself in the face. That was a golden opportunity I just missed. I could've tackled the guy and stolen the key off him! That would've saved so much time and it would've been really gratifying to boot. At the very least I could've freed my own legs and beaten the snot out of him.

Of course I could've failed too, but still!

The last wire broke and I pulled the cables off the turian's wrist. I dabbed a bit of medigel on the cracked plates. Rope burn from a dog's leash hurts like a bitch. I can't imagine what cable rope burn must've felt like. Feferi trilled in delight when she realized that she could move her hands again.

Okay. Now I have two extra hands. What do I do?

I gave her the crochet hook and gestured for her to start picking at the cable binding her legs. The spurrs would prevent them being sliding off. I took the cable I had carefully picked off and inspected it. Maybe I could use it some how. I turned it a few times and I noticed something. It was effectively a giant zip tie. Seriously. I saw tons of those the last time C-sec busted a drug running operation. The guy was shipping red sand hidden in metal girders bound by these.

Sepin told me that the used and broken ones were often melted down and recycled into something else. Something about it being easily cut or melted. Either way, if there someway for me to heat this I could probably reshape this into another hook or even a blade.

The problem is that I didn't have a source of high heat.

Or did I.

I had a drive core which is what fueled my body and made me warm.

No no. That wouldn't work. My insides were good at retaining heat. If I used it to melt the cable the residual heat would ruin everything else. Not to mention I would just get a pool of liquid slag.

But my forehead lens got pretty hot too, whenever I used it for too long. Actually it was kind of hot right now. I pressed my head into my arm for a bit to gauge the temperature. No, that wouldn't work either. I don't have a way to focus light into a single point. Not to mention something like that would be better suited to incinerating something than cutting and shaping.

Maybe there's a sharp edge I could pry off and use. I could probably get the primarchs daughter to use her claws for that.

I took another look around the- Oh screw it! I had an extra set of hands. I'll just modify my other idea.

I reached inside, pulled out the duck tape and started pulling off long strips which I laid right by the door. Once the duct tape welcome mat was complete I took the doily and pulled it all loose. Then I wound it some of it into a hank and stowed it away. We would probably need some cordage later if this goes well. Good thing acrylic is sturdy.

The rest of the string was turned into a psuedo spider web using the walls, some crates, and tiny bits of duct tape.

By this time Feferi had freed her legs and was making her way towards me.

I stamped a hoof to get her attention and gave her the roll of tape with a strip started. I gestured for her to hold it out like that and stay by the door.

I think by this time, everyone realized that I had a plan of some sort and all of them looked to me for instruction.

Oh god. I hate being stared at. Please stop staring at me like that. If this fails then I will have doomed us all. Please stop staring. I don't want the last thing I see to be people staring at me.

I took a deep breathe and just as I was about to start explaining door opened. "HEY! What do you think you're doing?!" Screeched the salarian from before.

CRAP. The set up must've taken more time than I thought and I'm surrounded by kids. All of whom are just as frozen in place as I am. Wait, that's the salarian I bit from before. He was kind of a wimp, maybe I could taunt him.

I stuck my tongue out and waggled it at him.

Come on take the bait, take the bait, take the bait.

The salarian took two steps inside before the loose strips of tape and string got tangled around his legs, tripping him.

Yes! The tape trap worked! The plan was a sucess!

Only the primarch's daughter was too frozen to move and that salarian really needed to be taped and gagged before he could untangle himself.

I am so going to regret this. I opened my mouth and bellowed "Feferi NOW!" Startling her into action.

With the salarian all wrapped up and gagged I promptly frisked him for something I could use. All the while being hounded by everyone else.

"By the goddess!"

Knife? Yeah I could use that.

"You can talk?"

Lighter? Sure, why not?

"How come you didn't say anything?"

Guns? I'm not so good with those. I'll scan them though. Maybe they're better than C-sec guns. I'll have to ask Garrus.

"Can I call my mommy?"

Keys? Hell yeah! Except I don't know what they're for.

"Can I be freed first?" "No! I wanna be first!"

And they're still talking. "SHHHHHHH!" I hissed. "Silence!"

After they quieted down I took the knife and jammed it into the lucking bar of the zip tie that was binding Casia.

Once she was freed I gave her the knife and gestured for her to free everyone else while I went ahead.

I stuck my head out and looked at the data streams, trying to figure out where the surveilance cameras were. No ship worth its salt would be with out one and it'd be horrible to escape just to be captured a few minutes later. Embarrasing too.

Most of the cameras were evenly spaced out, with more of them bunched near what I assumed to be the cockpit. I reached out mentally and interrupted the flow of information right at a junction, disabling several cameras for a second or two. Any longer would've been unnatural and obvious.

I took that moment to dart into an empty closet. From there I ran through the keys I filched until I found one that would unlock my cuffs.

Freedom!

Okay. Okay! What do I do now?

Comms! I can call for help! Where would I go for that? I've never been in a ship before. Oh gosh this is really different from being on an airplane. This feels more like being on a cruise ship sans comforts and food. And also running water because I can smell traces of body odor.

Gross.

The cock pit maybe?

Then the alarm goes off, alerting me to our discovery.

Ok scratch the cockpit! I need to get to the armory and trash it. I should've fucking thought of that earlier but fuck me! I'm stressed.

Shit! I shouldn't have left the kids unattended either. Oh god. What do I do?

Do I run for the armory and leave them to their own devices?

Do I go back to them?

Oh god.

I've killed them all.

What do I do?

_What_

_do_

_I_

_do?_

* * *

AN: Hello again! It's been a while. I am currently working three jobs and that doesn't leave much room or time for writing. That being said, one of my jobs sometimes has a lot of down time so here it is!. Hopefully the slightly longer length of this will make up for the delay. Of course, this is kind of a side project so I can't say that this story or any of my other stories will have steady updates.

I have also drawn a sloppy picture of Lucia. She isn't wearing her vest but i think it's a good estimation of what she looks like. I posted the link on my profile.

 **EDIT:** I feel as though I should correct myself regarding Lucia and guns. I have been informed that the ME guns don't have that much of a knock back. Which means that Lucia can actually use them with out falling. This does not change the fact that her fingers are about an inch and a half long and they are in the center of her palm rather than around it. Her palm is of course, the hoof. This means that she can't actually keep a good grip on anything larger than a an inch across.

Long story short, she can use a gun, but it has to be propped up on something and her torso cavity is too full of stuff to really be able to cram one in there.

I also posted this on ffnet a few days ago and I forgot to put it here so I'd like to apologize for that. 

I'm also looking for a beta to comb through my stories. My grammar isn't the greatest out there and a second set of eyes would be great.

Feedback is much appreciated. 

Now enjoy!

 


	7. Chapter 7

I didn’t have long to wonder.

In my hesitation the mercs got to the armoury so the only choice I had left was to go back to the kids and try to head them off. I forcibly shoved the anxiety and terror to the back of my mind and tried to come up with something. I don’t know what I could possibly do about the situation since I don’t have a gun, shields, or a stick to fight with. 

Fuck. Okay, breathe.

Focus.

I’ll pirate something off the internet as soon as I can get around the stupid fucking parental controls.

I passed the janitor’s office and grabbed whatever cleaning supplies I could fit inside me along with some more cutting implements which I will probably need at some point. I don’t know how much cleaning supplies have changed in the future, but I’m hoping to mix up something nasty. 

Wait no, that’s a stupid idea. I don’t know any of the ingredients in these things. No time to read them. I don’t want to mix up anything like fluoroantimonic acid or napalm or anything that can burn through the hull of the ship. That would be very very bad. 

I open up the bottle of floor cleaner and empty it’s contents. That should stall them for a little while. Slippery floors were always annoying plus it was clear and thus invisible on metal.

I did my best to get the residual tingling out of my body with some success and stumbled my way back to the kids. I needed to be at 100 percent and this tingling is really distracting. I could walk yeah, but that wasn’t anything worth mentioning since being able to put one leg in front of the other in an orderly manner was a BASELINE and nothing special. All of my attempts to scale the wall have ended with my face on the ground.

I guess the shocks did more to my legs then I thought. Crap. Must be nerve damage, not good.

Don’t go there.

What would I do once I got back to the cargo bay? I’m sure that they would’ve freed themselves by now with the knife I gave them. It’s not like they could do anything else. 

Oh, but the creeps have guns. So, that would be really bad they got pinned with out any escape. Maybe I could pull a trick from a cartoon and drop a piano or something equally heavy on them. I’m sure a ship like this has something I can drop from the air vents. A telephone book will do. 

But what If they didn’t? Books are outdated.  What if it was a tablet? How would I even pull off such a thing when I couldn’t climb to the vent? Oh my god, We are doomed. I screwed up big time. What do I do? Someone tell me what do I do?

STOP.

Oh god. This is a disaster. What should I-? No. I need to focus. Lives are at stake. That’s the priority. Calm down. 

Yeah, that’s not happening. I’m going to need some outside source.

I don’t have coffee. I’m pretty sure that would make me worse anyway. 

No tea.

I can’t bleed.

I can’t take a shower.

Music? Sure. Music is good for setting a mood. Video game music especially.

_ /Play/- 4 Minutes Before Death (Variation) _

It was a morbid if fitting song and it didn’t do shit for keeping panic away. But listening to boss theme music gave me focus. Which was good since I only had a few minutes before they would show up and gun us all down. 

Yeah, not gonna go there.

If my scanner was any accurate, most of them were looking up at the walls and the ceiling, looking to see if I was loose. I guess the B-synths were more well known then I guessed. Then again, white creatures wandering around the citadel walls would be pretty hard to miss. We’re kinda shiny.

I went over my inventory again so see if I could get ideas.

My duct tape roll was almost gone. I had maybe 40 yards of yarn to use, a fake spider, a dog ball, some wire cutters, a lighter, wd-40, and medigel. Nothing I could really u- WAIT A MINUTE.

The dog balls are extra bouncy since the mechs at HQ need lots and lots of exercise. Maybe they could work as a decoy if I throw them into a vent. The sounds it should make would be pretty close to my steps. Yeah, I’m not the quietest runner. Metal shoe- hoofs. Metal hoofs aren’t exactly the quietest thing around.

Time is running out and the mercs are getting closer.

_ /Play/- Countdown _

Goddammit brain I wanted something to help me focus, not induce more stress! Go back to playing the other one! 

Running up the wall wasn’t a viable action, but I bet I could punch through the vent if I jumped hard enough. I did that once in HQ and got slapped with community service.

I tightened the nonexistent muscles in my legs and and jumped as high as I could-

-Just in time for them so see me disappear into the vent. 

“Shit!” Cried someone. “It’s in the vents!”

I reached into my inventory and pull out the ball and made to throw it.

Sadly, I was interrupted by gunfire which was dumb of them. Who the fuck would shoot up their own ship? Seriously I mean, what If they shot something important. Actually, that’s not a bad idea. 

I’ll do that later when my legs are more cooperative.

After angling the ball just right, I threw it as hard as I could down the vent leading to the engine room and waited for the thundering bounces to lure the creeps away from me. 

Unfortunately, it only half worked. Most of the mercs left but a few salarians stayed behind and started moving towards the cargo bay.

That’s really not good. Really really not good. They have guns and I’m at a disadvantage since I can’t move well up he-

THUNK!

Or they could slip and faceplant on the goopy floor cleaner I poured on the floor earlier. That works too.

Too bad I don’t have any bleach and alcohol. I could’ve mixed some chloroform to knock them out. Mind you I’d probably knock myself out too. 

I twist around in the air vent and pounce on the unsuspecting amphibians before they could regain their balance. I’m careful to stay standing ontop of them, since it would be really fucking embarrassing if I got screwed by my own trap.

Surprisingly, it doesn’t take much for them to go down. A punch to the pelvis will keep them off their feet for a while not to mention that most of them were heavily disoriented. 

Rapid pulse. Inflammatory response in the lungs and skin. Sluggishness. Lack of coordination. Those were classic signs of distress in salarians. 

I guess the floor cleaner must've had some toxic fumes or something because once they were out. They were out.

I’m sure the ship filtration system will clear the air soon enough. Yeah. I totally didn’t accidentally endanger the hostages. 

Nope.

Then again, salarians might’ve just been more susceptible to it. Amphibian skin is really thin and absorbent after all.

At anyrate, mercs are dangerous no matter the race. I took the time to liberate them of their weapons and anything else that might’ve been useful. I’m sure at least one of the asari must’ve been to a shooting range at some point in their lives. Plus a gun is better than nothing right?

I started running back to the cargo bay when I kicked myself. I really need to tie up the amphibians in case they woke up. I still had some yarn left, so why not. I made sure to hog tie them the same way I was bound. Let’s see how they like it! 

Yarn isn't the strongest material, but that shouldn't matter if they can't get leverage.

Whew. Crisis averted. At least for now.

“Children?” I called. “Status?” Shorter statements are easier to hear over noise.

“We’re here!” Someone called back. 

A quick adjustment to my olfactory sensors meant that I could track them by smell again. But given that it ended up with me stumbling from nausea, I elected to reset it back to normal and use it only at junctions. I don’t know how dogs do it. Get through the day without puking I mean.

Anyways, after tracking the kids to a supply closet I elected to start set up some more traps using the junk from inside. Who would’ve thought that my days watching prank videos would finally come in handy. Either way, eventually we had something vaguely resembling a fort  and Casia and I made our way outside again, hopefully to find a way to set off the distress signal. 

Casia because she had a vague idea of how ships worked and me for protection. Our protection anyway.

It was a smart idea but the mercs were smarter still. Seriously, the idea of mercs being dumb and hammy only exists in television and video games. This is definitely reality with all the perks and pitfalls including smart bastards.

_ Right? _

Something about that last thought isn’t sitting right with me. Maybe it was because I’d organized all of my options and abilities in my mind space to resemble a video game menu.

I shrugged and tossed the thought with all the others that I fully intended to ignore for as long as possible until I have a break down. Like the ones about my degree, my job, and my friends and family. 

I am going to regret that. But that’s for future Lydia to worry about. Present Lydia has to worry about getting out of a captive situation while being trapped with almost helpless children and terrifying mercs. I’m the only one with the skills to get them out.

Oh who am I kidding, I’m a walking surveillance camera. What sort of protection do I have to offer aside from some outdated school credits? Nothing that’s what.

But back to the topic.

Somehow, Casia and I overestimated our abilities we wound up being caught. 

“Fucking brats aren’t worth the trouble.” Growled what must’ve been the leader of the batarian bunch. “Finish them.”

One of the other guys raised their gun.

Yeah NO. Not on my watch. You don’t kill kids. Not now. Not in my time. Not Ever.

But we were trapped, helpless as the merc pulled the trigger and fired the bullet-

_ /Barrier Activated/  _

-And rippled the blue wall that spontaneously erupted between us and the mercs.

COOL! Uh… I mean, awesome! We are saved! I’ll just sort out the settings later when I get back to the citadel.

Naturally, in my excitement I drop the barrier.

_ BANG! _

Ow! My leg! I need that to run you stupid son of a duck.

BANG!

Owww… That’s where Harkin kicked me yesterday. Can’t they shoot somewhere else?

Bang!

I retract that statement.

I quickly reactivated the barrier again and checked to see if Cassia was hurt. Somehow in spite of us being cornered and not moving, they all missed when they fired. Wow, these guys are worse shots than imperial stormtroopers.

Or maybe they all shot at me. In which case, their aim  _ isn’t _ like that of an imperial storm trooper but more like that of a blind parrot.

It was probably the second one.

Evidently I’m still considered the bigger threat, which was good in an ‘oh crap I’m strong’ kind of way. The problem with that is that all of the attention would be on me and most of my skills rely on me having time and stealth to set up. I mean, I could go and pop all their ear drums, but that would hurt Cassia too. Plus the noise might make the other kids come out from the safe spot. Curiosity and all that.

I guess I could charge like a krogan too, but given that I don’t have that kind of bulk it won’t do much aside from maybe breaking a leg.

Of course… I do have a barrier now…  A  _ /Kinetic Barrier/ _ at that. I wonder how fast I need to go to turn it into a battering ram. 

I guess it must’ve shown on my face because Cassia immediately stepped to the side once I backed up against the wall. 

What I wouldn’t give to remember their faces when I pushed off the wall and plowed them over.

Oh well.

Anyways, the barrier could definitely be used as a battering ram, but it took a lot of power to maintain after the initial charge. It took even more energy from me since I was pushing against an increasing mass as I forcibly shoved down the halls with them. After a few seconds I was less of a battering ram and more of an advancing wall of doom. Then once I got used to the whole process I turned into a plow of sorts. The bodies of angry mercs rolling in front of me were pretty entertaining to see but I couldn’t do much more than that.

Which was bad because the mercs were getting their bearings before I could push them down. Fortunately Casia was pretty quick on the uptake and she started glowing blue and throwing around some fancy shmancy stuff  _ /Biotics/ _ to deal some damage until I could push them over and the bodies of their brethren rolled over them.

I meant to push them all into the cargo bay but I must’ve missed a turn somewhere. Me and Casia plowed the mercs right into a dead end not unlike the one we got trapped in earlier.

I guess I must’ve pumped in too much energy or something-

BOOM!

-because the barrier exploded.

With a great deal of light, noise, and force.

It took out all the mercs that had been piled onto it.

It also blew the me and the kid back a few meters. 

“Oh…. My head.” Moaned the girl as she sat up after god knows how long.  Then she jumped to her feet and grabbed me off the ground. “What in the name of the goddess was that?” 

Come on! I just got caught in an explosion. How can you pop up like a daisy after tha- Oh. I must’ve taken the brunt of the thing.

Can’t I get a break before being turned into a giant rattle?! 

Hey! Is that the little dipper I see?

“You had tech armor in your systems? What else can you do?” The intensity of the shaking increased. “TALK YOU STUPID THING! WHAT ELSE IS IN THERE!”

Oh look. I’m the center of the milky way and everything is spinning around me- Wait. That’s not good. Also, my head is lolling to the side and I’m pretty sure that’s not supposed to happen either. It’s too much work to move.

Jegus buggering christ! Enough is enough. I’m tired, I hurt everywhere, and I could really use a big plate of beef and pepper stir fry right now. “FOoD PlEaSE.”

I did not mean to say that. I swear to god I did not mean to say that and I definitely didn’t mean to sound like I’m stoned. Why do I sound like that anyway?

Casia stopped and stared at me. “Seriously? You just took out a bunch of mercs that were holding me hostage and you want food?”  The asari threw her hands in the air, dropping me in the process. Ow. Much ow. “Ugh. Earth animals are weird!”

Then she picked me up and started making her way to the cockpit.

I kind of zoned out since nothing was happening. I’m pretty sure that most of the mercs were dealt with when the tech armor blew us all up. The kids could handle any other strays right? 

Right? 

* * *

 

They were in the middle of an investigation when Garrus spoke. “Something big is about to go down.”

His temporary partner, a human woman named Kael looked at him curiously. “What makes you say that?”

“Aside from the huge number of officers that are active? Just a hunch. “He replied without looking away from his target. “It’s going to happen at the citadel tower.”

The batarian quickly passed something to another one and slipped away into an alley. He really wished that Lucia was here. Her biometric scanner would’ve been a godsend when it came to tracking people down. Garrus really would’ve loved to know where the first batarian went but as it was, the second messenger was more important.

“Okay… I’m all for intuition but that’s kind of random.” She sighed. “Care to be a little more specific?”

Gah… Why did they stick him with a complete greenhorn? He had better things to do than lead a human by their olfactory organ.“Isn’t it weird that only the asari and the turians were affected by the recent string of kidnapping attempts?”

The newbie blinked in realization. “You think councilor Valern is behind it?” She gasped in alarm.

The offbeat answer threw him for a moment. “No...? I think he’s the main target.”

“How could he be the target when none of the victims are salarian?” Demanded the woman as she stood up. Her voice rising in volume. “He must be the reason why no one can go after Lucia.”

“KAEL!” He hissed in response. “We are in the middle of a stake out! Shut up and get down before you blow our cover!!!” Once his partner obeyed he continued. “Security is occupied. Every active officer is either on patrol, or hunting down the surveillance mechs for their footage. Spectres are scattered looking for the ship of the kids.” 

“-So if anything is going to happen, it’s going to happen now.” Added the newbie.

“Pretty much. Yeah.” 

Garrus eyed the second transaction between two batarians and he watched one get into a skycar while the other spoke into his omnitool. Once again he wished that Lucia was around. Sepin had mentioned that she might have some eavesdropping software shoved somewhere in her data banks. Of course, she might not actually know it, but at least he’d have proof that this sort of thing was happening.

Kael was nice and all, but he highly doubted that she would give good reports given how much time she needs to process something. She was probably better of as a meter maid than his partner. 

“Hey Vakarian?” Asked the woman in question. “They’ve split. One person is heading towards the dock and the other just flew off towards the citadel tower. What do we do?”

“We split up. The one heading for the dock is probably going to try and get off the citadel. Do not let that happen. You call for back up and stall him.” He commanded. “Or tail him. He might lead you to the missing kids. Something tells me they’re all connected.”

“What about you? What are you going to do?”

Kinda obvious isn’t it? “I’m going to the tower. If anything happens I can snipe them from the top floor.”

* * *

 

You know that awful stiff feeling you get from sleeping too much? The one that makes you really wish you could go back to sleep standing up? Yeah that’s what I’m feeling right now. 

Also my head feel like there’s a bunch of krogan stamping around in it. 

I wonder if that’s what a hangover feels like.

“Virtas!” Screeched Casia. “Let him go!”

Hey! Isn’t that the salarian from before holding the primarchs daughter hostage to get us to fly the ship somewhere? Wow. That’s kind of terrible. I wonder what I’m supposed to do. 

Salarians are amphibious right?

Hey wimpy salarian! Have some WD-40 to the face! 

Oh great I’ve been infected by the lagmonster. My arms are moving a bit too slowly for my liking. Oh well. At least The salarian screaming was funny.

The action freed the turian who took the chance to punch the guy in the stomach. Wow, that must’ve really ouched.

“Casia! There you are! And what are you holding” Chirped a semi-familiar voice. “Spirits oh spirits! Is that Luci? How are you here anyway? And what happened when I was out? You both look terrible.” 

I’m sure I do. Please put me down and let me sleep. If that’s not possible I’d like a nice big slice of pizza please, half buffalo chicken and half margarita with a small soda on the side. I’d also like a nice hot bath and a fluffy blanket and a novel so I can curl up and read while I ate my pi-

Wait a minute. The primarch’s kid is a girl named Feferi. That’s a boy voice and he’s talking a mile a minute. 

“Lucia? What do- Are you saying that this is the receptionist mech you keep talking about?” Squawked Casia. “That can’t be right. This one hasn’t spoken beyond two word commands.”

“Well my uncle says that she isn’t really inclined to talk to people she isn’t familiar with.” Shrugged the boy as he took me from Casia. He turned me around and put his face right in front of my own. “Hi Luci! It’s me, your best friend! Virtas Palin!”

His subvocals thrummed eagerly as he waited for my reaction.

What am I supposed to say to that? I feel like it’s part of a joke I’ve forgotten. 

Oh. Right. A video game reference. Specifically, it’s an Undertale reference. Sadly my head hurts too much to remember much other than the awesome music from that game. Maybe I could just play something from that? 

_ /Play/- Undertale OST: 012 - Home _

“Hey! That isn’t the right song! You’re supposed to play ‘Hopes and Dreams’” He whined. Then he perked up. “At least you got the reference.”

“What are you yammering about?” Asked Casia. “What reference?”

“Oh Lucia showed me this really cool game the a while ago. It’s really old fashioned, the graphics sucked, and the plot was really childish but the music was really good.” He bounced.

Was this the kid that got hit with knockout gas earlier? ‘Cuz you’d never be able to tell from how much he’s talking. Palin says the entire clan he married into was like that. Weird.

Casia looked unimpressed with the description of undertale. “What’s so cool about it then?”

“Well it changes drastically depending on how you play it Some of the play routes are really really cool. Others are pretty creepy.. I kinda ruined my file though. Oh well.” The boy looked really downcast for a moment before perking up again. Hey! I saw what you guys did with the rest of the mercs on the security cameras! That was cool! I hope my uncle get’s me a Lucia model for my mark celebration.”

“FoOoooOD.” I moaned. Because seriously, these kids looked like old friends and Virtas could probably talk someone to death. I really needed to eat. “SEriouSly ViRTaS. Put M’ DoWN SO i c’N GrAb SomETH’n T’ EaT.”

“Oh. Right. Sorry.” He then dropped me like a sack of potatoes and started fishing in his pockets. “Umm… wait just a minute. I think I have something that you might like.”

Oh boy, pocket junk. My favorite. Still, he might actually have something tasty. Even if he didn’t I could always do a vampire impression and drink salarian blood. Then again, maybe not. I don’t think WD-40 would taste very good.

“Just a minute… ah.. Here it is!” The boy pulled out a package. “Shrimp crackers!”

Oh sweet! Munchies!

I jumped off the ground and grabbed the bag off him and started eating before he could start rambling again. I probably look like a rabid animal but I don’t care.

“By the goddess. It spoke!” Stared Casia. She shook her head. “Crazy day.”

“Hey Casia. You get kidnapped more often than me. What do we do now?” Asked the turian. “I mean, everyone is safe and accounted for and the mercs are either knocked out, tied up, or dead.” He glanced at me. “But we’re still stuck in a ship floating in space.”

“You’re a turian. Shouldn’t you know this sort of thing too?”

“Well yeah, I’d contact the local law enforcement after ensuring the safety of those around me.” Snarked Virtas “But as you probably know. Our omnitools were taken and locked in the captain’s quarters and Lucia sustained some serious damage.”

“Oh.” Blushed the asari. “Right. I’m going to set off the ship’s distress signal now. It should have Extranet access and a private terminal that we can use.”

* * *

 

I am so boned. 

I am so so boned.

I exploded a spectre.

I exploded Saren Arterius, right in the face.

And now I’m being interrogated for it.

Actually, I’m just giving a verbal report for the kidnapping incident. After blowing myself up I had to spend a week out cold while Sepin tinkered with my innards. Getting thrown around, tazed, concussed, and shot is no joke, even for someone like me. My report is the last one they need to wrap the whole thing up.

I’m pretty sure I’m going to get in trouble for something though. I always do.

“In my defense, he shouldn’t have rammed and boarded the ship without warning. I seriously thought he was one of those batarian pirates that I keep hearing about. Plus he should’ve identified himself when I asked. It was self defense and exhaustion! I swear!

“Then he has the nerve to roar when no one wants to cooperate with him. I mean dude, I’ve been running myself ragged. I’m not going to put up with any [COW MOOING] from mercs. They have this habit of lying about their identity and origins ya know? As far as I’m concerned, he could’ve been some slaver.” I ranted as the asari took notes.

Ugh. I hope not all spectres are like this. Arterius reminds me more of Dolores Umbridge than  an actual agent of the council. Then again, Umbrage was an agent of her government too.

Scary thought.

No wonder Palin and Virtas hate these guys. Lots of power and no boundaries. Nothing you can really do about it. The council probably won’t care what they do so long as they get what they want.

“Anyways a huge fight broke out since I thought he was hostile and I threw up a super charged barrier and he thought I was hostile so he kept shooting at me. Then he grabbed me with the blue aura thing-”

“Biotics” Interrupted the asari “They’re called biotics.”

“The term is stupid.” I snorted. “The term brings medical and ecology subjects to my mind. Like antibiotics and biotic factors.”

The asari shot me an irritated look but whatever.

“Anyway, he grabbed me with his BIOTICS.” I wrinkled my nose at the peculiar term. “ and started throwing me around trying to take down the barrier. Feferi, Casia, and Virtas didn’t like that too much so they threw something at him. I’m not really sure what it was. It really stunk though, I remember throwing up after that and dropping the barrier.

“I heard gunshots after that and one of the kids screaming so I thought he shot someone. I figured I’d get into serious trouble after that if I didn’t do something about it so I tackled him as hard as I could and tried to do that incinerate thing that Sepin said I could probably do. It uh… It didn’t work but he shuddered a bit and smashed me against the wall so I guess I must’ve done SOMETHING. Anyway I overcharged a barrier and rammed him again, thus blowing him up and knocking myself out.” I finished with a yawn. I’d been here talking for a while. I hope the debriefing was almost over. I kind of just want to go to sleep where I stand.

“I see… So you used a bastardized version of tech armor as a battering ram.” The asari finished jotting down her notes. “ And what was the whole screaming episode from earlier? I saw the aftermath.”

I felt myself grow warm as I rubbed the back of my head awkwardly. “Umm… I’m not really sure. I guess I was still really keyed up from the whole thing when I woke up in the C-Sec lab. I really hate centipedes and when one of them ran across the ceiling I guess I just lost it.”

“You tore out of the building, nearly gouged out Zylser’s eye, pied the executor and trashed the lobby because of a fake centipede.” She deadpanned. 

“Well I didn’t know it was a fake at the time.” I squawked. “Plus those things are really creepy, and they bite.”

“And is that everything?”

“Yeah. Pretty much.” I shrugged. “Hey. Is there a way for me to file a complaint against Arterius?”

“Sadly no. Spectres are outside of C-Sec Jurisdiction.” Sighed the asari. I suspected that she got the question very often. “You might be able to fill out an incident report though.”

Well, something was better than nothing. Plus I don’t sleep, so if Arterius ever decides to shoot someone else as a shortcut I can flood the department with paperwork. If there’s one thing all departments hate it’ll be paperwork. If I flood them with it then they’d have to discipline him just to get some peace.

Virtas once he got some medigel slapped on the bullet wound went right back to peppering people with questions they are obligated to answer by virtue of his family relation.

Of course, I could use the fact that he got shot to spread some nasty rumors. PR is a pretty big deal amongst government officials too. The problem with that is that I can’t control the fall out. I think I’ll just keep that as a last resort since the spectre is actually pretty respected in turian circles.

“Alright. You are dismissed Lucia. The executor says you get a month of downtime for rest and therapy.”

“Cool. I’ll take my leave.” I nodded a farewell and hopped off the table.

I wonder what happened here while I was out. 

I guess I’ll ask Garrus when I get to the apartment. But first I’m going to stop by that charm shop. There’s a flower clip with my name written all over it and after what I’ve been through, I could afford to splurge a little bit.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which training and repairs are a thing. Plus the cameo of someone very important

The apartment was mercifully quiet when I got in, meaning that Garrus was either in his room fiddling with his gun or out on a job. Which was great, since I didn't want any funny looks or questions about what i went through. I also didn't feel like sitting through a second interrogation which is perfectly inline with his need to pursue his own brand of justice. He could be such a snit sometimes.

I shuffled over to my room and unceremoniously dumped all of my inventory on the floor as I took off my vest. I was probably going to trip over that later. Either that or I would notice how the pile of crap would clash with the rest of the room aesthetics and gripe about it to myself and get told to shut up by Garrus.

Again, he's kind of a snit. It must be a turian thing, being super ocd about their stuff. I know Palin gets really annoyed whenever someone swept his office. Ajax too, he's pretty obsessive over the dog mechs.

I'll have to ask them about it sometime.

If you were to come inside I'm almost you could tell who's room was whose.

Garrus's room was pretty similar to the room of a college freshman that had just moved in, Spartan and unnaturally neat. It had a black wooden desk, with perfectly neat stacks of forms in one corner, and a computer in the center. It also had a metal desk which had what looked like gun mods lined up on the surface and a series of tools pinned to the wall in front of it. I'm pretty sure there was a stack of law and history book shelves somewhere. I don't really remember. Garrus doesn't like it when I look into his room.

Then again I wonder if that's because of the giant cheesy romance movie poster plastered on the ceiling. I forget the name of it but apparently it was really really popular a while back. Something about an award winning portrayal of turian and quarian relations. I don't judge.

The most notable thing though was the complete lack of a bed.

And by that I meant a human bed. Turians don't really sleep lying down you see. They kind of sit upright or lean against something, usually a family member or a pillow stuck to a wall. Or they put their face down on a desk like my brother does whenever I accidentally answer the phone with a sales pitch.

My room on the other hand was just a studio with a few modifications.

There were shelves everywhere and they were all lined with various knick knacks that I had bought off the internet. I don't really need to eat much so once I paid my share of rent I could more or less buy whatever I wanted. Most of the things on the wall shelves were cool looking knives, ornamental lacquered boxes, crystal figurines, music boxes, and a few carved horn combs.

Seriously, that's neat stuff right there and none of it was too heavy for the adhesive strips to hold. Or did I forget the tape strips and use super glue? I don't remember.

Oh well, not a big deal.

The floor had several ball jointed dolls of various creatures, both real and fictional, all lined up next to my craft box which was loaded with yarn, string, hooks, fabric, needles, clay, wood and whatever other tools I used for all my projects. I should probably clean that out sometime.

I also had a small desk with several compartments that I had filled with various art supplies and my hair ornament collection. I like to look at that stuff when I wanted inspiration. I probably should turn to digital drawing, but I can't get over the feel of pencils in my hands. Note to self, finish all the drawings that have been pinned to the walls.

I had a bin of various miscellaneous junk that was cheap but I liked. Things, like carved soaps and candles, neat whistles, glow in the dark paint, mason jars, and cool looking scrapbook paper.

It also had the scented oil bottles and soap that I was currently looking for.

Yeah, I really need to clear out some of this stuff. This was taking way too lon-

Oh, nevermind. I found it. It was sitting inside of the varren skull.

With the bottle in my gut I dragged myself over to the bathroom, locked the door and drew a bath.

Baths were nice even when you have metal over your skin. You just have to compensate with a bit more heat and a little less soap. That stuff gets in places you know, and it feels like being slathered in gallons of petroleum jelly when it happens.

Not fun.

I'm also pretty sure I look like shit. I didn't need a mirror to know I've got burn and scuff marks in places. Bombs, fire and bullets tend to do that. At least the stuff protecting the important things are undamaged. Plus my arms are dented again.

I figure I could work on the dents while I was sitting in the bath so I put the dented part of the hoof to my mouth and began chewing out the dent.

When the tub was full I hopped in and laid on my stomach so the water rose over my head. The heat of the boiling water was dulled by the metal, but I could still feel it in the certain places. While I could feel stuff everywhere, I think the circuit lines on my body were a bit more sensitive than the rest of me. Like the difference between being patted through a jacket vs. being patted through a shirt.

The water only hurt for a moment before my settings readjusted itself.

I wasn't too keen on that so I upped my sensitivity again. The burning sensation was a welcome distraction from everything that had happened recently. The fruit and cream smell was a bonus.

The centipede. FUCkinG MonSTer LeVEl CREEPS!

The interrogations. Hate the pointed questions. Hate the judgements of people who weren't there. And most of all. I HATE THAT THEY TREAT ME WITH KIDS GLOVES! It's like I'm not even a person to some of them. Can't say anything about it though. A synthetic of any sort getting angry about unjust treatment would practically be against the law. Yep. Public endangerment is illegal, don't you know?

Nope, nope. This is not the time for that. It will never be the time for that. Back into the mental vault you go.

The memory download. I hate probes, I hate them more when they're in my head. At least all they can take is sensory records. I'd be killed in an instant if they found out what I really thought. Then again, that's the case for pretty much everyone.

Saren. 'Nuff said. I got flack from both the council and Garrus for that. And also a piece of cake from Pallin.

The kidnapping. Is it bad that I'm glad to be away from the kids? I know they were in a scary situation, but they were so whiny. I couldn't get anything done with them and they kept arguing about everything. Dear mother of god, I swear they were harder to deal with than the mercs themselves since I had to worry about traumatizing them. The parents were even worse! I'm not sure if I should be more insulted by the ones who called me incompetent, or the ones who treated me like their omnitool. That's not even including the obnoxiously grateful ones.

I huffed in irritation and immediately regretted it when water went up my nose and into my head.

I immediately jerked upright and spent the next few minutes trying to sneeze my brains out. I slumped against the walls again, making sure not to let my nose and my mouth get in the water again.

Damn, I bit too hard and now my leg is all dented again.

Then the thing that lead up to the whole fiasco.

The homicide case.

I wonder what happened to that case. I'm sure they got someone on it once they got my message. I'll check on the status when I felt like getting out of the water.

I savored the silence of the steam filled bathroom as I dumped a bit more berry smelling oil in the water. The purple liquid slowly dispersing in the water like the hopes and dreams of a turian in a shark tank.

Wow. That was dark. Even for me.

Still, I hope the guy died quickly. I mean, he had his skull smashed to pieces against the wall and his innards were carved out. I'd like to think that the skull smash came first. Disembowelment was once used as a form of torture I think. Plus I'm pretty sure there were ways to ensure that the victim stayed alive as things were being removed.

Knowing what I do about serial killers the sap probably wasn't so lucky.

It was pretty much a Life of Pi type of situation ya know? Two possibilities, one being considerably more gruesome and likely than the other with the truth being up for speculation.

Either way, the man was still dead. Killed by a stranger inside his own home.

I froze and slowly turned my gaze to the bathroom door, with my thoughts churning. The fact that it was still locked brought me no comfort.

He died.

Inside. His. Own. Home.

I don't….

I don't think I want to be here anymore…

* * *

The cafe was bustling with people as day turned into night.

A man on shore leave sits at a table in the corner waiting for his companion to arrive. While he is waiting, he scrolls through the latest new on his omnitool.

**"Biosynthetic creature saves political hostages during kidnapping event!"**

**"ROBOTS. Are they friend? Or foe?"**

**"Cagey Cat Creature Creates Chaos for Mercenaries!"**

**"Age Old Debate Regarding AI Rising With Recent Events! Tonight at 5!"**

**"Council Assassination thwarted by Turian and Toy"**

**"Bionic Cat Saves Kids and Sells Toys!"**

**"New Commercial Designer Toy Will Save Your Kids!"**

**"Syntell Corporations. The New Big Thing?"**

Titles such as these spread like wildfire through the galaxy. Some of them were about the recent events, others were sales pitches.

The one thing they all had in common? They were all about the recent events in the Citadel. Specifically, the situation regarding the council assassination and the political hostages.

It seemed like that was all anybody was talking about the past week. The opinions were scattered across the spectrum.

Some of the Rear Echleon Motherfuckers in the Human Alliance felt that since Syntell was a human run company, the creation of the Biosynthetic creatures was an accomplishment big enough to deserve a seat on the council.

Some of the civilians felt that this was a huge step in the progress of reanimating the dead since the animal would have to be dead to be remade into a B-synth. The religious minority considered the creatures to be demon spawn and that the whole process violated the sanctity of life.

Some people thought the creatures were eldritch abominations that should be put down as soon as possible with any means possible.

The man snorted at that thought.

Most people just found the possibility of keeping their beloved housepets beyond their natural lifespan and traveling with them outside of human colonies to be neat. The same people treated the Lucia story the same as they would any other animal hero story. With a great deal of admiration and adoration.

The opinion of David Anderson himself? It would be a great boon to the Human alliance if they could have a K9 unit again. Dogs, even with great amounts of genetic alterations, still didn't travel well through without sedation Heavy sedation if a mass relay was needed. Something about the mass relays just set them off. The first time it happened a few of them had to be put down due to suddenly going violently berserk and attacking people.

Cats were only marginally better. At least they weren't inclined to dig through their own cage.

There's a reason that the standard human pets were so rare and expensive beyond earth.

Every single news site had the story posted and some of them even included recorded clips from the mech itself. Each of the children had been involved and all of them spoke reasonably well of the robot. Most of them said that it was rather grumpy and cagey but otherwise helpful.

Funny enough, that was an accurate description of a stray cat he once knew. He had a face like the turian councilor. The gnarly son of a bitch had a habit of looking down on people with utmost disdain. Damn good mouser though, best in the neighborhood. Hated adults, liked little kids. Finally kicked the bucket around 2168.

"Anderson?" Called a woman.

"I'm over here Shepard." He waved. "Glad to see you out of the hospital."

A red haired woman cheerfully waved back and marched over to the table and sat down. "It takes more than a bullet to kill me sir."

"That's good to know. It'd be too much trouble to find another kid off the streets."

"Why? Got another asshole cat you need me to watch?" Cheeky brat wasn't she?

"Ha Ha very funny Shepard. That old stray cat was just practice for your soldiering days. When you get promoted to commander you'll thank me for it." Snarked Anderson as he took a sip of his coffee.

"Yeah. That's never gonna happen. I like not having to worry about other people." She snorted as she looked at the different desserts on the menu. "It's just easier that way..."

"You know, Funny you should say that." He began. "I just got a promoted to commander."

"Oh. Erm..." Stammered the woman. She flushed as she tried to come up with something appropriate to say. "Congratulations Anderson."

"And I'm looking for a new Executive officer. Someone I can trust."

"Alright. Do you want me to make you a list?"

The man raised an eyebrow at the former street rat. It only took a few seconds before she understood what he meant.

"What? Me?" Her eyes widened as she processed the implications. "Why?"

"Yes. You Shepard. You've come a long way from the brat I picked up off the streets of London. You're the hero of elysium and you always look to find the best possible solution to conflicts." Insisted Anderson. "I need that kind of mentality handling internal ship affairs."

"But surely there's someone else with more experience then I am." She ran her fingers through her hair as she tried to come up with examples. "Santos, Casey, Heck even Teng would serve you well."

The older man raised an eyebrow. "Santos has a history of bias. Casey just lost an arm and Teng never does the paperwork right." He leaned forward and finished. "But more importantly, none of them think like you."

The woman sunk into the seat a little as she stewed over his words.

"Now Shepard. You've heard the titles in the newspaper. What do you think of biosynthetics?"

Shepard took a few moments to place an order before speaking. "I think they're pretty neat. I can only imagine the military uses of a dog mech. The dogs on earth are pretty fucking awesome at their jobs and cats are badasses." Her eyes start to light up as she continues talking. "I mean, I've always wanted a pet but ship life and mass relays pretty much have that fucked. Aside from fish anyway." She coughed in embarrassment.

"And of Lucia Li?"

"She reminds me of the stray Asshole Cat. She makes the funniest faces in the news. It's almost human the way it screams 'Why the Fuck are you touching me!' Plus her handler complain about it flipping out over dumb things too."

"Any particular preferences? I'm putting in a requisition for one." It was about time his superiors granted permission to order one. The fact that aliens were involved in the design and creation definitely shouldn't be a reason for not using them.

"I'd love another cat like AC, but a dog would probably be more useful in the field." She shrugged.

* * *

This is the worst.

"Again." Barked Ajax as he came at me with a mop.

I quickly dodged to my right and tried to sweep him off his feet. Unfortunately, my feet weren't cooperating today and they buckled under the sudden adjustment.

I've been here for hours, throwing myself at Garrus, and at Ajax, and getting slammed into the wall after I stumble. It's physical therapy mixed with combat training you see. To get my legs working right again after the all the electrical shocks. Something about helping the nerves reconnect after the overload. There was probably more to it, but I wasn't paying attention.

It was kinda fun for the first few bouts. But it's practically a universal truth that nothing is fun if you can't control your own body. Tremors are annoying when you are trying to write, or draw, or knit, or do anything that requires precision. Complete failure of functions on the other hand, should happen only in video games, torture or during suicides. Cardiac arrest sounds pretty painless after all.

Plus I'm pretty sure these guys have better things to do than staying and working with me.

"Until you figure this out you're nothing but dead weight. " sighed Garrus as he prepared for another bout.

I'm already a waste of space. You just haven't said it yet.

"Excuse me?"

Oops. Didn't mean to say that out loud. I waved off the probing stares.

"Why do I have to fight you guys though?" I whined. "Can't I just get a set of exercises and be done with it?"

"It's believed that you will recover faster if you are under some pressure. Besides, you requested this yourself." Replied Ajax. Shrugging off my complaints. "Begin!"

That's bullshit. Provided my medical textbook was correct, pressure only grants motivation, not actual ability. If anything it grants too much motivation and- I sound like I'm just making excuses don't I?

Plus when I asked for help I did NOT mean combat therapy, which is apparently an actual turian thing.

The broom strike misses me by just a hair. "Li. Concentrate." Lowed Garrus.

Garrus was a lot faster in combat than Ajax. His strikes were much more precise and they left deeper dents. I wanted to keep as far away from him as possible. But since he wields a mean broom that wasn't really an option.

_/Barrier/_

So I let him crash into my shields and moved to kick him. I nailed him in the keel bone but not as hard as I would have liked. He stepped back and grabbed my leg before dropping me to the ground on my tail.

Interesting fact, being dropped on your tail really hurts, even if you've never had an actual, living tail.

On that note, before he could actually let go I activated a new skill that I had known but never really used in combat.

At least until now.

_/Incinerate/_

The turian jerked in response as the surface of my skin suddenly hit boiling temperature before letting go. I popped to my feet, spun, and mule kicked his shin. Which connected correctly, for once.

I don't actually burst into flames due to the parental controls. But I do get really hot, inside and out. The conversation got really weird when I mentioned I'd been using my gut to make food. My coworkers were wigged out that I'd turned a combat application into a tool for making lunch and I didn't know you could set enemies on fire with a cooking program.

Nothing quite like implementing the maillard reaction to get things done I guess.

"Better." He winced. Garus recovered quickly and switched tactics. Opting for a more aggressive option.

Dodge right. Duck. Counter.

"How long do I have to keep this up?" I panted as I blocked another kick. "Because I can think of tons of things that are just as good exercise that don't involve dents and bruises."

Side step. Barrier. Feint.

"Not much more. Turians don't dance." Answered Ajax. "You've made some good progress today."

Punch. Roll. Lunge.

Just as I was moving to tackle Garrus my legs went out from under me again.

Crap-

And I got beaned right between the eyes.

At least it was just my rear legs right? Ow… "Can we stop now?"

"Yes." Answered Ajax. "At this rate it'll be only two weeks before your back to one hundred percent."

"Plus you might actually take down a spectre." Teased Garrus. "I'm sure you'll be a match for Saren in a century or two."

I gave him the finger.

That is to say, I tried to give him the finger but since they won't come out unless I'm reaching to grab something it just looked like I was showing him the back my wrist. The two turians looked appropriately confused as I dragged myself out of the training room.

Like hell I was going to explain what I meant to do!

I just hope I don't run into Harkin before my legs start working again. I don't really fancy getting kicked again. Then again, if I don't find someplace private quick, he'll probably track me down just to kick me. Metal rubbing on linoleum is not the quietest thing around.

As I scraped through the halls I noticed a few things long since forgotten. The walls and corners weren't quite so polished and clean as they seemed. There was dust where the walls met the ground and more than a few cracks in the paint. Some of it even stuck up a bit. Just enough that even I could get my fingers underneath to peel it off. I wonder what it feels like.

Is the paint going to come off in stiff, dry flakes? Or maybe it's more like the oil based stuff in schools which are shiny and almost like plastic. Those peel off in thin smooth ribbons. Of course if the paint is like latex it would come off like paper and rustle when it rubs up against something. I also wonder if it makes any noise when I peel it.

That's probably going to bother me for the rest of the day. Damn.

My fingers twitch from inside my hoof and I slam it into the ground. No. I am not going to peel paint off the C-sec walls. In high school that got me in trouble for vandalism.

Hell if I know why. I thought the pink of the primer was a really nice contrast to the beige paint. Not to mention the complete and utter stupidity of actually painting over a bulletin board. Seriously who does that?!

I pressed my head against the wall when I felt the tell tale prickling of reconnections in my lower extremities. I'm glad I can walk again but it the pins and needles really fucking hurt!

After giving my legs a good shake to work out the rest of the prickling I trotted to the main office. Sepin should be working there right now and I ought to let him know I'm done so I could get these dents patched up. They kinda pinch the nerves a little bit which doesn't help the pins and needles one bit.

Maybe he'll give me some more chocolate chip cookies. Them things are delicious

I wonder where he gets them. Chocolate is expensive and no matter how good he is at his job, I doubt C-sec pay is enough to continuously buy chocolate chips. Even the cheap ones cost an arm and a leg.

Oh well, not a big deal I guess.

"Sepin! Are you there?" I called. "Can you straighten out my hip?"

He was sorting out what looked to be a large stack of incident reports. He straightened up the instant I spoke and hurried out of his seat.

"Of course. Of course I'll be right with you. Give me one moment." He hurried out of his seat and and began prepping his work space.

I watched him move all the equipment around with the same interest as a cat on a roof.

While he could be considered my doctor or nurse of sorts, I can't quite picture him with a stethoscope or a sphygmomamometer.

Ha! Try saying that three times quickly. I bet you can't.

Do salarians even use those things? Amphibian blood circulation isn't that different from mammalian blood circulation. The systems are all closed and stuff. But then salarians are aliens so maybe they had an open circulatory system, like bugs do. But wouldn't that mean the sphygmomamometer wouldn't be much help in reading blood pressure? Or maybe theirs is different.

Ugh. It's times like this I hate Palin for banning me from watching autopsies. The alien ones were pretty interesting. I liked my dissection lab dammit.

I wonder if there's any paint peeling in this room too...

A loud claps snaps me from me thoughts and I jump for the examination table.

I almost make it but Sepins hands catch around my middle and help me the rest of the way.

"I could've gotten up there without help you know." I grumped. "You didn't have to carry me."

"This is more efficient." Shrugged the salarian as he placed me on the scanner for repairs and recalibration. He raised his equivalent of eyebrows at the bite marks that lined the edge of my hooves. "Can you release the seals please?"

I sighed and did as he asked. The white pearlescent shell which covered me promptly released their air tight grip with a strangled hiss. Sepin removed the pieces and began reshaping them with what looked like a rounded hammer.

The ritual of removing my… Skin... Shell… One of the two, had become rather familiar.

/ _Play/_ \- Bring Me To Life

Sitting and waiting during repairs is probably the best time to listen to music and doodle. Doing it inside my eyeballs was pretty weird, but then again so is being a computer with le- I mean, having a computer grafted into my brain. Somethingn about boredom and stillness is great for stimulating the creative juices.

I get dinged up a lot, either via someone's foot or my own stupidity. There were many debates on which one was more frequent though the common consensus was the latter. After all, no one was supposed to hurt me so why would anyone want to admit to kicking me. It was easier to say that I had gotten between their feet. Plus I actually do fall down the stairs a lot. Stupid leg placements.

Stupid gravity.

"Is something the matter?" Asked the salarian.

My ear twitched in confusion. "No. Why?"

He shows me his omnitool.

_Subject 843 -Lucia Li-_

_Synchronicity 80%_

_Song playing- Bring Me To Life_

_Programs Open- Colorsplash360_

"Oh. It's nothing major. Just a bit bummed about something." I sighed. "I'm kind of regretting a few requests." Well not really, it's more along the lines of regretting asking Turians to teach me. I probably should've asked an asari commando for advice. Spying and sabotage seems more my shtick than direct combat. I'm sure at least one of them has their number on the internet.

"Garrus, Palin, and Ajax have all commented on the progress of your combat skills." Hummed the salarian as he rubbed away a few scuff marks. It's scary how well he knows me sometimes. Then again, he does scan through my memory. "I thought you would've been happy since you asked for the training yourself."

"It's nothing to write home about really." I stared down at my skin free hands. "Plus it doesn't mean I like getting my [DONKEY BRAYING] kicked repeatedly."

"I'm afraid I don't understand that particular phrase."

"Nothing worth reporting." I concentrated on all of my fingers, trying to will them into opening up without grabbing something. I could almost feel them twitching when something popped up in my mind. "Say. Did that number and website I found ever go anywhere?"

"Ah. The number from your memory banks was the contact information for Syntel."

"Really?" I brightened. Maybe I could ask about myself. Perhaps there were other b-synths like me. Maybe I knew someone. "Anything interesting?"

"Unfortunately no, it was the private customer service line. An AI was on the other end taking custom requests and alterations." Replied the Salarian as he gave me a few completed shell pieces for me to reattach. "It seemed like Syntel was little known before your rescue mission made the headlines. The waiting list for those orders is astronomical."

Oh. Damn.

"Say… Sepin. I have a question." I began. "Why are you so insistent on working on me anyway? It's not your job and I have a repair manual in my head so given enough time, I would've learned how to fix myself."

The salarian paused in his repairs and turned to me with a small smile. "The collective Salarian Union has a vested interest in your mental and physical well being."

"Okaaaaaayyy?" I twitched my left ear. Well that wasn't creepy at all.

Moving on. "Can you give me something so I can zap people with it?"

That got a curious tilt. "Might I ask why? I mean I can of course, and I'm sure you could use it effectively. But it's rare for you to make reque-."

"People keep touching me when I'm in public and I'm pretty sure that burning their hands would get me in serious trouble." I snipped "I can't carry a conversation before some idiot picks me up and starts that terrible baby talk."

I cringed at the memory of some of the incidents.

People have, in order of frequency, squeezed me so hard my lunch came up, stuck fingers in my mouth and eyes, grabbed and disconnected my hands trying to give the hardest hand shake possible, forcibly kissed me, and tried to buy me from who ever I'm with. Even if I was an actual cat, that sort of thing doesn't fly. Not to mention I'm not entirely sure that someone won't actually sell me.

Cough. Harkin. Cough.

Seriously, if I get crushed between another set of mammary glands there are going to be issues. Lots and lots of issues.

I wonder where I can find a lawyer that specializes in provoked assault and chemical warfare.

I also wonder if the cracked paint would be fixed by the time I'm done getting examined. I kind of want to go check.

Then my face hit the scanner as I realized I had interrupted someone again. "Oops. Sorry." laughed sheepishly. "I just-"

"Don't like being randomly touched by strangers yes." Grinned the technician as he cut in himself. "If you're looking for something like neural shock I'd suggest combing through your data banks more thoroughly. I've spied some code that suggests you might have it."

Cool beans. I nodded in satisfaction and made a note of it.

I'll do that after I peeled the paint.

Nope.

But I have to wonder what color is under the initial layer.

Nope.

Stupid intrusive thoughts.

"What's this about intrusive thoughts?" Demanded the technician.

"Oops. I didn't mean to say that out loud."

Sepin paused in his work. He peered over his shoulder, eyes wide with concern. "Did someone try to hack you?"

Pfft. You can't hack a human brain. "It's a human thing. And also an ADD thing. Nothing major. Kind of annoying though."

"Do they occur often? What kinds of thoughts are they? Do you want to act on them? What do they make you feel?" Pressed the salarian as abruptly planted himself right in front of me. "Do you need more medication?!"

I jumped at the sudden invasion of personal space and fell off the table. " Jesus |LOUD AIR HORN|-ing Christ! Don't rush me like that!"

"Just answer the question!" He replied sharply as he plopped me back on the scanner.

I flinched under his glare though I never looked away. "U-um. In the order asked. Only once in awhile, things that would get me into trouble, no, weirded out and annoyed, and the only medications I need are gummy vitamins and anti-anxiety pills of which I have plenty." No point in getting hooked on them anyway. Then I shot back a question of my own. "Why do you want to know?"

"It's the first sign of dementia, psychosis, and psychopathy for many citadel species. I'm putting you on psyche watch."

"Seriously?! That's a bit much isn't it? " I gaped. That's like checking for cancer each time you get a fever. I already have to sit through hours of therapy if the asari lady doesn't see anything wrong then I don't think I'm going nuts. But I knew better than to argue with my own doctor. That sort of thing never turns out well in books and knowing my luck he'll turn out to be part of a secret spy ring or something equally lucrative. "Dude. Go take some human psychology classes. You can find plenty of them on the internet."

Sepin nodded skeptically before going back to work.

I guess there are cons to the first relay war thing. Most human beings I talk to are pretty suspicious of turians and everyone else is wary of humans. It's like the civil rights movement and wwii all over again and my opinions are invalid since I don't fall in line with either group.

Meh, I'll save my thoughts for the internet forums.

"Alright. That should be the last few pieces." Finished Sepin as he pushed them toward me. "Try not to fall down the stairs so hard next time."

"Will do."

* * *

Author's note-

Hello everyone I have risen from the dead. I've spent halloween collecting souls to feed my muse. Here is the result of all my hard work.

Beta'd by Toothless Is Best. Give him your worship.

Feedback is much appreiciated as it gives me ideas as well as motivation to continue.

Now for the chapter notes.

I've decided to do some headcannoning for the turians. Since they were based off birds I referenced some parrots I was familiar with. The idea of turians being a stickler for their things was too funny to pass up. Plus it would kind of explain why you almost never saw Garrus not doing calibrations. The sleeping thing was from the way my aunts parrots would all press against one side of the cage underneath a bell. The way they're designed makes it look like sleeping on their back would be really really comfortable.

I wonder if anyone can guess the movie poster on his ceiling.

My bedroom is always the definition of organized chaos. I know where everything is just fine but it still looks like a mess of various knickknacks sitting where they logically shouldn't be. Like the soap in the skull thing.

I always get super paranoid after watching a documentary on serial killers. I imagine I would be a great deal worse if I'm was at the scene of a break in and a murder. 

Lucia pretty much locked herself in the closet after her bath until Garrus came home and wouldn't come out unless he agreed to upgrade security and train her to fight properly. She kind of regrets that decision, but only a little.

And yes, Intrusive thoughts are a thing. Everyone gets them and they're perfectly normal. The paint peeling thing did get me into trouble when I was younger but even then I couldn't stop because it was so weirdly satisfying. It's like popping bubblewrap.

So yep. Shepard is earthborn in this one and she got into the military through Anderson. I love the idea of a the street brat gradually growing into a legend. It's like the perfect underdog story. And also cat's because cats are awesome even if they're assholes. 

My cousin had a cat like that. You almost never saw it unless you walk past where it would hiding. Then it would spring out and chew up your ankles.

A sphygmomamometer is the thing that doctors use to read your blood pressure. It goes around your arm and the doctor usually squeezes the bulb to tighten it. I did have to take a test on its functions when I was still in that major and I still haven't met someone who can say that 5 times fast. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note-
> 
> Hello everyone I have risen from the dead. I've spent halloween collecting souls to feed my muse. Here is the result of all my hard work.
> 
> Beta'd by Toothless Is Best. Give him your worship.
> 
> Feedback is much appreiciated as it gives me ideas as well as motivation to continue.
> 
> Now for the chapter notes.
> 
> I've decided to do some headcannoning for the turians. Since they were based off birds I referenced some parrots I was familiar with. The idea of turians being a stickler for their things was too funny to pass up. Plus it would kind of explain why you almost never saw Garrus not doing calibrations. The sleeping thing was from the way my aunts parrots would all press against one side of the cage underneath a bell. The way they're designed makes it look like sleeping on their back would be really really comfortable.
> 
> I wonder if anyone can guess the movie poster on his ceiling.
> 
> My bedroom is always the definition of organized chaos. I know where everything is just fine but it still looks like a mess of various knickknacks sitting where they logically shouldn't be. Like the soap in the skull thing.
> 
> I always get super paranoid after watching a documentary on serial killers. I imagine I would be a great deal worse if I'm was at the scene of a break in and a murder. 
> 
> Lucia pretty much locked herself in the closet after her bath until Garrus came home and wouldn't come out unless he agreed to upgrade security and train her to fight properly. She kind of regrets that decision, but only a little.
> 
> And yes, Intrusive thoughts are a thing. Everyone gets them and they're perfectly normal. The paint peeling thing did get me into trouble when I was younger but even then I couldn't stop because it was so weirdly satisfying. It's like popping bubblewrap.
> 
> So yep. Shepard is earthborn in this one and she got into the military through Anderson. I love the idea of a the street brat gradually growing into a legend. It's like the perfect underdog story. And also cat's because cats are awesome even if they're assholes. 
> 
> My cousin had a cat like that. You almost never saw it unless you walk past where it would hiding. Then it would spring out and chew up your ankles.
> 
> A sphygmomamometer is the thing that doctors use to read your blood pressure. It goes around your arm and the doctor usually squeezes the bulb to tighten it. I did have to take a test on its functions when I was still in that major and I still haven't met someone who can say that 5 times fast.


	9. I Scream

I first became aware of my arms and my legs. They were right under me and I would probably in for some mild discomfort when I moved them.

Next I became aware of my ears. I could feel them twitching with this new awareness, taking in the metallic sounds and beeps of the world around me. The were long and pointed and rested over the back of my head.

I had a tail too. It was an almost new sensation, not unlike relearning a skill. 

The sounds of the world around me had ceased as I slipped out of a trance that I had not been aware of.

I blinked and watched the world slowly come into focus.

However unlike when I woke up for school and where everything was clear but my mind was too muddy to take in, this was more akin to watching a large pool of water settle.

I was lucid dreaming again. I wonder what will happen this time.

My tail twitched as I came to this conclusion and I finally turned to look at the man in front of me. A combination of salt and pepper hair, twinkling blue eyes, and a kind smile reminded me of something.

“Hello Subject 843. My name is Doctor Dean Paul.”

Wow. I didn’t hear words very often in my dreams. Most of the time when I do hear words it’s in nightmares. Also, I must’ve been watching a cooking show or something because he looks like one of the chefs. 

“Hi. My name is Lydia.” I chirped in response. Best to establish a few unshakable truths when dreaming to keep from getting lost.

The man blinked at my response but quickly recovered. “Good. Excellent. How are you feeling today? Any pain?”

I took a few moments to get a feel for my limbs before sitting up. I didn’t have any fingers or toes, which was weird but I was otherwise fine. I’ve had dreams of being quadrupedal before. Usually they involved some sort of adventure. I wonder what this one is going to be like. “Nah. I’m fine.”

Then I hopped off the table onto the floor to work out the stiffness in my limbs. At least that’s what I intended to do.

I landed on my face.

Huh. That… Usually doesn’t happen. 

Of course, I’ve never been a robot either.

Whatever. 

I stretched a bit to loosen up and promptly discovered that it wasn’t remotely as relaxing as I thought it would be. It actually kind of painful. 

Meh. I’ll deal with it.

I watched Dr. Paul look down at me from where he was standing as I worked out my legs. The look of concentration was a sharp contrast from the smile from earlier. 

Walking took a bit more effort than I was used to, probably because I couldn’t completely feel where my feet were. I’m probably in the deeper stages of sleep then. I hope I don’t wet the bed. That’d be a pretty awkward explanation for changing the sheets in the middle of the night. Especially since the last time I wet the bed was when I was four years old.

And yet, my parents never stopped talking about it. Yeesh.

I jerked out of my thoughts when someone else came inside to talk to the doctor. I kept pacing for a few seconds before being overcome by curiosity. 

“- is unprecedented and unplanned!” Hissed the new comer. She had messy red hair, paper white skin, and a mole on her right hand. “Nothing in our notes suggests that this should have happened and we have no set protocol for this!”

“I’m just as surprised as you are but we should give it the benefit of the doubt. Rapid development is hardly a sign of a hostile takeover.” Replied the doctor. 

“We are skirting citadel law as is! There is no reason to risk our company and the reputation of humanity on something like this. None!” Flailed the woman, “Do you want us to go the way of the  _quarians_ !?”

What the heck are those? Did I land in some sort of fantasy realm? The lab setting leans toward science fiction though.

I have many mixed feelings about this. All the stories that I’ve read in that genre involve racism, prejudice, and/or a major, possibly world shattering enemy. Like in Harry Potter, Eragon, Dragonlance, and Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I’m not sure if I want to stick around here. I’m kind of spoiled in that sense. 

“This is just one unit not an army. It’s not an AI and no one can expect it to act like one. It currently isn’t showing any signs of hostility.” Soothed the doctor. “You were a historian Vinne. You should know better than anyone else how assumptions can be devastating.”

The woman, Vinne ran her fingers through her frazzled hair as she sighed. “Yes. Yes. I suppose you’re right.”

Then she gave this little squeak as she noticed me staring at her. “Oh. Hello Subject 843. I’m Gladys Vinne.”

“Hi I’m not 843. I’m Lydia. Remember that.”

The woman frowns slightly but nods and goes back to talking to the doctor. Their voices have dropped in volume to the point where I can’t hear much of anything. 

With nothing else to do, I looked around the room again. It was much more colorful than it had been a few moments ago. There were streaks of color blinking all through the lab. Greens, reds, and oranges flickered and pulsed like obnoxious halloween lights. There was one right by the door that looked kind of like a puzzle.

Turning away from the scientists I slowly shuffled up to the circuit pattern and prodded it a few times. Maybe I could open the door?

The green lines swirled and changed as I dragged my hand through them. I spied three glowing spots and connected them.

And jumped back when the door opened with a woosh. 

“Paul? Vinne? I’m going for a walk” I called.

The scientists were still engrossed in their conversation and didn’t respond to my announcement. My voice carries, so I figured they heard but didn’t object to me leaving.

The halls of the building were made entirely of metal. They were bare and unpainted and drab looking. Must be to save on a cleaning budget. No need to constantly scrub and repaint walls after all. Which is great.

But it also means there aren’t places to peel paint which is kind of a shame. Paint peels off in interesting shapes and you can do some pretty neat pictures from it. I made a map of China once. 

I wonder what kind of lab this is? I mean I’m a robot, so obviously robotic science is a big deal here, but labs rarely study just one thing. Things might overlap though, so maybe they study cybernetics and computer science? That’d be cool. I hope I can fly at some point.

The end of the hallway led into two junctions. The signs plastered on the wall were absolutely no help whatsoever. Dream signs never are. Something about the way the brain works in sleep. But I think one of the signs looks like it mentions something about… dogs?

Well, dogs are cool. I like dogs, so why not?

I turned down that hall and let myself into the first door

I’m not really sure what I expected when I entered the dog ward. But the first thing that caught my eye was the large number of preserved animals on the shelves. I recognized one of the brains as that of a sheep. Anatomy lab was fun, if kind of gross and nothing illustrated that more than wandering through the shelves. Seriously, its fascinating seeing all these different breeds of dogs.

I wonder if my psyche is trying to tell me something.

It probably was, given that preserved animals are pretty cool to look at for the first ten minutes and then the creep factor grows exponentially afterward. It grows even faster if the lights are off, which they are.

I carefully scooted backwards and left once I started getting the creeps.

The next door had a bunch of empty kennels. 

So did the one after that.

And that.

I would’ve gone further had the alarms not decided to announce their presence. Siren’s all through the hall wailed and scared the crap out of me. “ALERT! ALERT! Subject C455 has escaped Report to emergency stations! Commencing lock down!”

Crap. 

Whats happening? I need to run, but which way?

I heard the sound of steel slamming into the walls coming from the way I came. I guess my decision’s been made.

I turned and sprinted further and further down the hall, not even caring that I didn’t know where I was headed.

Which quickly proved to be a bad idea when I ran head first into what looked like a demented hound. Eight spindly legs connected to something vaguely resembling a torso with a tail on one end, and something that looks like a bird skeleton on the other. A monster from a dystopian novel.

Specifically the Mechanical Hound from Fahrenheit 541.

I remember having to study it in english during high school, and I remember having to draw it. The book descriptions had been a little vague to me so I went with a menacing and unnatural design.

The same design that I recognized-

-Right down to the stinger sticking out of it’s mouth. 

And it was looking right at me.

FUCK! I drank apple juice before going to bed didn’t I? I always get weird dreams whenever that happens.

I kept still, hoping that it would see me an an inanimate object or at the very least, inorganic. I was a robot right now and it only went after living things if I remembered correctly. The monotonous humming offering no comfort or indication of my success.

It didn’t move and slowly, I began to hope that it might not attack. At least not immediately.

I needed to calm myself or I wouldn’t be able to wish it away.

The problem is that the Hound gave me the creeps. It had way too many legs and the way they connected to the body resembled a centipede just a bit too much for comfort. 

If I have enough time I can usually settle myself enough to squash it.

I think I would have managed it too, calming myself and willing it away I mean.

But just as I was reaching that point a wall came down right on top of me, cutting me neatly in two.

I didn’t react save for a yelp of surprise which was enough to set of the Hound.

I couldn’t do anything after that, even as the Hound grabbed me with it’s terrible claspers and forced the needle into my neck.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

BAM!

“OWW!” Wailed Virtas as he clutched his newly bruised knee. “What was that for?”

“Wha-?” I jerked awake and looked around as my leg returned to the ground. I must’ve started daydreaming again and- “YOU! Why the |HONK| were you poking my neck! That’s where my jugular is!”

“Well you were just watching paint dry!” He complained. “Plus you’re a robot. You don’t even  _have_  a jugular.”

I sniffed at him. “Don’t be ridiculous. You need a better biology teacher.” I picked up the can of paint to see if I had enough to finish painting the wall and by the way it’s sloshing I was pretty sure I could. I turned to the turian with a raised eyebrow display. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“My class is having a trip to the citadel tower. I’ll join them once they get here.” He shrugged. “Why are you repainting the walls? The guy outside said they just repainted them a week ago.”

“They painted over the cracks and I got in trouble trying to level it out.” I grunted as I peeled off another section of the wall and painted over it. Seriously! Who the hell does that! It was the worst near the ground, all gnarly and lumpy. Like tree bark, or peeling skin.

Oh ew... I probably shouldn’t have thought of that because peeling skin is not a particularly appealing image. 

I sat on my haunches struggling in vain to recreate that irritating yet alluring call of peeling paint. “It kind of just bothered me. But hey I got something you can do.” I pointed to the opposite wall of the corridor where I had done a pretty decent job of scratching out the world map on one side. “Think you can scratch a map of Palaven on one of the blank spots?”

His fingers twitched eagerly but stopped. “No thanks. I don’t want to get saddled with community service.” He declined. 

Not one to be easily deterred by anything other than calculus, I tossed him the scraper. “I’m going to paint that wall too. So no need to worry.”

Then I turned back to my bucket of paint and resumed covering the wall without waiting for a response. He can make his own choice. 

Mindless work is great. While I’m doing something repetitive I can always play around with my thoughts. Which brings me to another thing……

What kind of daydream was that? My daydreams usually aren’t that vivid. Plus I don’t think you’re supposed to be able to daydream while you’re in a….

Right. Not dreaming.

Let’s see if I can convince myself of that. I’ve almost done it a few times. But  _I don’t want to._

I felt my breath hitch involuntarily and I forced it steady. 

Yeah. That can’t be good. I’m probably a meltdown waiting to happen. Wasn’t therapy supposed to help with this? Then again, I’m not the sort of person to dump all my problems onto someone else, not even a telepathic blue lady. That would be rude and intrusive on both our parts.

Plus how am I supposed to deal with an existential crisis like this? How exactly do you deal with it? What is there to do other than keep going?

Nothing.

Back into my mental vault you go.

“You’re weird Lucia.” The boy’s voice cut through my thoughts. “You’re a talking robot-” My tail twitched in irritation. “You constantly talk out loud, you do dumb things, and you keep reminding yourself to do stuff, and you’re alive.”

I blinked out of my contemplations. That last one threw me for a bit of a loop. Where was he going with this? “Yes. Yes I am. What of it?”

“How come you’re so alive? He asked as he scraped away at the wall. “How come you’re…. you?”

“By not being dead?” I replied. I mean, what else am I supposed to say to that?

I got a glob of paint shavings flung at me in response. It’s really weird how the top coat is crumbly but the layer under that acts more like vinyl. They probably used different brands of paint or something.

“I’m being serious here!” Cried the boy as he threw another paint chip at me. “Nothing makes sense anymore!”

“Hm?” I turned to him.

“First those jerks kidnap us because security didn’t work like it was supposed to! Next they kill their own subordinates to scare a bunch of kids, which is not supposed to happen. Then we get raided by a council spectre of all things!” Virtas trilled out a number of what I assume are turian curses as he attempted to strangle his troubles in his head. “And then there’s you!”

“Me?”

“YES YOU!” He flailed. Looking for some way to have his world make sense again. “YOU’RE AN AI! Why aren’t you dead?! Why hasn’t Uncle arrested you yet!” The boy threw the scraper at me and missed by a mile. “ WHY?!” 

I guess turians have PTSD too, though I suppose they’d frown upon this sort of thing. Then again maybe there are regulations for this. I’ll have to start doing some research into this. Social faux pas are not something I need. Plus Virtas probably didn’t need to hear my running commentary on his meltdown over the destruction of his nice and orderly worldview. 

Wow. That was pretty mean. The dream shook me more than I thought if this is what’s running through my mind.

Or maybe I’m just detached. Detached is good right? No flipouts.

“First off I’m not an AI-” Maybe I should say something to calm him down.

“You’re too weird to be a VI!” He interrupted, as though pointing it out would put his world back in order. 

“- and I am a firm subscriber of life is crazy and |Splatter| happens.” I continued completely ignoring the interruption. “I’m also a subscriber of organized chaos.”

“ARE YOU SAYING THAT THIS IS NORMAL!” He all but screeched. 

Aaaaaand now Virtas is flipping out again.

I’m actually kind of surprised that they haven’t done something about this. I’m probably going to get in trouble for upsetting him but at least I’ll get out of the evening group therapy session. There’s too many people and they stare at me too much to actually listen. Something about watching me for suspicious movements. Rude.

Seriously weird alien customs here.

“In the grand scheme of things? Pretty much yeah. Our lives are just specks in time.“ I replied after a few moments of thought. “Plus even if it wasn’t. The only productive thing you can do is just pick yourself up and keep moving.” Like from that movie.

Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.

Just keep  _drowning drowning drowning_ .

Ok maybe not exactly like that but still.

“But that still doesn’t explain why you aren’t dead.” Insisted Virtas.

“Alright, there are two ways I can answer that and I doubt you’ll like either one of them.” I took a deep breath. “Do you want the truth or the lie?”

“The truth of course.”

“It’s classified information.”

“ **WHAT?!** ” Virtas didn’t like that answer one bit. I’m sure if he were human his jaw would’ve hit the ground. But instead his mandibles flailed as he squawked. “YOU SAID YOU’D TELL ME THE TRUTH.”

“I am telling the truth!” I protested. “My [Honk]ing life really is classified!” Virtas was pretty typical for a turian in that he liked his world in order. Things that don’t fit into a predetermined slot will drive them up the wall. If he had asked for the lie I would’ve just repeated my cover story. I think that would’ve gone down better than just telling him it was classified. 

That’s how it usually goes with Palin at least.

“Of  **course** it’s classified.” He snarled as he kicks the nearest paint can at me. The grey liquid spills splashing my face, the tiles, the walls, everywhere . “I’ll never know anything and it’s all  _Your_  fault.”

I looked away. I had to. I wasn’t sure what I would’ve done if I didn’t. Nothing pleasant I’m sure.

Detach. Be distant. I don’t need this.

I could feel him stiffen and freeze behind me at my reaction. I’m sure on some level he was expecting me to sit and take it like an Avina. Or maybe I’m reading him wrong. “Spirits. I didn’t me-”

Oh look, the paint has dried enough for the next coat. 

“Come on Kid. The walls need to be finished.” I tossed him the scraping tool again and turning back to my spot. ”You can finish peeling that wall. It’ll make you feel better.” Because I don’t want to stay on this topic. There is nothing I can say that won’t lead to resentment between us. Maybe even hate.

Because let’s be honest I’m not normal. 

Once upon a time I was an ordinary student with some odd habits and a hodgepodge of hobbies. Procrastination was an issue for me so I was constantly stressed out over getting things done on time. My friends always arguing over characters in tv shows, lamenting the books we had to read, or complaining about the lack of money and simultaneously dreading and looking forward to the day when we would become adults. I could speak my fears and have them be understood. I could choose my working hours. I could go outside and enjoy the scenery without being stared at. I could look forward to the next day, or dread it.

Once upon a time I could be me. 

I guess you don’t know what you have till it’s gone.

So what does  _HE_ have to complain about? How  **dare**  he complain about being abnormal when he could actually walk on two legs without a prop? How  **_could_ **  he whine about not being told anything when he has people to protect him, people he could go to?!

More and more rage floods through my body as each thought passes. Not good. Definitely not good.

_He’s just a kid._

I could feel myself growing hot and I forced my temper down lest I start spewing boiling hot steam. No sense in literally burning the kid of someone important. It’s not worth the aggravation. Or the reputation that would surely follow. God I haven’t cared this much about other people’s opinions since I lived in China.

But it’s so easy to get trapped by etiquette when you are low in the social hierarchy. If I were to strike him, i’d be told that he was just a kid. So I have to sit and take his bullshit.

“That’s why you peeled the walls isn’t it?” He lowed. The turian stared back at me, not quite willing to stop his comments but lacking the energy to keep arguing with the world around him. Entirely unaware that I had been tempted to scald him just moments ago. “Not because they were uneven. But because the act is calming.”

Then again, I’m not the best at keeping a straight face and Virtas was a pretty sharp kid.

I shrugged halfheartedly, not really giving an indication of what I was agreeing to. “I’m going to finish painting this coat and then I’ll start on that wall.”

Virtas made a noise of reluctant agreement and resumed his scraping; frantic and angry at first but slowly evening out into something rhythmic. A drum march perhaps?

Well, whatever.

This subject can go and burn in the furnace for all I care. Painting the wall is much easier to think about.

At least until the doors opened and the executor’s voice boomed inward.

”I sent you down here two hours ago to paint over the spot you peeled.” Griped the older turian. Then his features changed from impatience to irritation as he took in the sheer amount of paint chips and spills on the floor. “Lucia. I said to cover up the section you chipped off. Not redo the entire wall.”

“Painting over the peeled section wouldn’t have hidden the cracked and peeled portions.” I monotoned. “Better to redo the entire thing. Plus peeling the paint was oddly satisfying.”

“A wall is not the same as the foundation of a house.” Chided Palin as he took in the details as he stepped down the hall. It’s only after the third splash that he apparently decided to address the tension in the room which was thick enough to stop a bullet. “Now tell me, children… Why were you two shouting earlier? And why is there paint everywhere?”

I elected to ignore him for finishing my job. Palin will see the events after scooping through my head anyway. Plus you’re always suppose forgive kids for this sort of thing. They’re just kids after all and don’t know any better. 

Doesn’t stop the comments from hurting though. Or the rage it incites. Lose-lose situation all around.

“U-Um.. Well I kind of snapped and screamed at Lucia.” Confessed Virtas. Then he sagged on his feet. “And then I kicked the paint bucket at her.”

“You apologized I hope.” I heard ruffling fabric indication the crossing of arms. The executor was probably pissed. The paint job was taking a long time and I was making a bigger mess than usual. In that case I’d better finish up quick before the spilled paint dries or else he’d saddle me with cleaning the bathrooms and that always sucks, no matter the time or the place.

“She turned away...”

“And that’s supposed to mean something?”

It’s funny how such an innocuous act was so different between species. For humans, crossing arms is a sign of impatience, anxiety, irritation or some combination of the three. For turians it’s an expression of extreme disappointment or disapproval, like upset granny kind of disapproval. Unless Ajax was trolling me when he showed me those movies. He didn’t seem the type though but you can never tell. 

“M-miss Lucia?”

I hummed in acknowledgement. I just have another few feet to go before I can start on the next one.

“Miss Lucia? I’m really sorry for what I said. That was really unwarranted. Even if it was true.” 

Passive aggressive much? Well, two can play at that game. “Noted.” I hummed only turning my head enough to see him.

“Li you’ll have to forgive him. He is young and recovering from the kidnapping incident.” Spoke the executor after taking in my response. I’m kind of surprised that he was elaborating since he usually doesn’t do this sort of thing. That was usually Sepin or Arsani the therapist's job. Sometimes Garrus would do that too, but usually he would give me weird looks for not knowing something like that. Ass.

“I heard him.” I answered without any inflection. One last stroke and- “I’m done with this section.” I carefully balanced the brushes on my back and dragged a can of paint across to the other wall. Just as I was going to start on that side the executor interrupted my thoughts again. 

“Li I came to tell you something. Primarch Peixes is requesting your presence.”

… What?

I stared at my boss, with my electronic pupils shrunken to pinpricks. “If the turian government has collapsed I swear I did not do it. I’ve been painting the wall.”

That was apparently not the right thing to say as Virtas’ mandibled flared in indignation. “Excuse me-!” He started when his uncle put a hand on his shoulder.

Palin, being completely accustomed to my responses was entirely unfazed. If anything he relaxed from his formerly ramrod stance. “I can assure you that Turian Hierarchy will not fall to your terrible taste in music or your obnoxious hoarding habits.”

Virtas froze like a deer in the headlights. 

My ear twitched in annoyance.  “Screw you! Nyan cat is awesome!”

“Language.” Chided the elder. “Or you’ll clean the bathrooms.”

I flipped him off. Or tried to without access to my middle fingers. Stupid hooves.

Then I got an idea. I’ll take cleaning the bathroom over sitting and being stared at anyday. Plus I can think of a few pranks I can pull off if I’m in charge of cleaning the toilets. I’ll just have to figure out a way to delay them going off. “But if I’m cleaning the bathrooms then I have to skip-”

“You are not skipping therapy.”

God dammit. 

“Language. Do it again and I’ll dock your pay.”

Oops.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

“A pet?” I repeated back to the officious looking turian in front of me. He looked about as comfortable with the idea as I was. That is to say, not at all. I’m sure my face was doing an excellent owl impression with my ears pressed to the side of my head and my eyes shrunk to pinpricks. “You want me to be your daughter’s pet.”

“ _I_ am entirely against this idea.” Huffed the primarch. “History has shown that AI are not to be trusted and I’m surprised that they haven’t decommissioned you yet.”

My right ear twitched in irritation but I took a deep breath to keep my voice even. Insulting the turian government is not the right thing to do. Even if he deserves it which he does. “If you are so against it why did you ask my boss for me?”

Are all turians this hamfisted when they ask for something? Because saying that I should’ve been killed is not very effective way to convince me. Neither is going over my head and asking my boss. The stuffy and decorous prose during the request was a nice touch though.

“That is none of your concern Synthetic.” He sniffed haughtily as he waved off my questions and turned to my superior.. “Now Executor. Surely you jest. This can’t possibly be the Lucia Mech my daughter keeps talking about. This a poorly programmed mess I’d expect from a student intern.”

My ear twitched again in aggravation. Fuck it. Fuck it all. “Oh get  _Bent_  Lord Primarch!” I jabbed a hoof at the government official. “It’s my life you are talking about. Of course it’s my concern. Stop acting like I’m not here.”

“Li. Watch your mouth.” Warned Palin without looking at me. “Primarch I understand your reservations, but credit must be given where it is due. Biosynthetic Li really did find your daughter.” He gestured to Sepin, Garrus, and Ajax standing in the corner of the room. “The lab technicians say that her behavior stems from her biological origins as a rather contrary and independant earth creature. Therefore, problematic behavior may be minimized if she herself can make the choice.”

“Naturally the humans would experiment on something feral rather than tame ” The turian primarch clicked derisively as he glanced down at me. “Nonetheless I fail to see why I have to address a mech.”

“Because I’m the one that kept your daughter from being sold into slavery?” I questioned in my most saccharine voice. I felt Palin’s heel jab into my side but I couldn’t quite bring myself to stop. The words “Because the guards assigned to watch your offspring failed to do their job and she got hurt because of it? Or how about because you _know you can’t be with your child and you want a substitute companion._ ”

I had to stop for a few moments after that and not because of the silence that suddenly fell upon the room.

What the fuck just came out of my mouth?! Seriously. What prompted that? Also, where the fuck did the second voice come from? I’m pretty sure I don’t have subharmonics like turians do. Plus it feels like an echo of something I’ve heard but I can’t for the life of me remember where. I wonder if this is one of those things that are hidden deep in the parts I can’t get rid of. 

Computer programming is confusing. I don’t know how people can understand any of it and I admire them greatly.

The office was completely silent when I blinked out of my thoughts. Palin was staring at me, not even bothering to hide the disturbed concern in his eyes. The primarch on the other hand looked like he was about to have an apoplectic fit worthy of Tsar Bomba. I must’ve hit a nerve. Eh, well you deserve it. “Terribly sorry. That last bit was uncalled for but my point still stands. It’s my life and thus it’s my right to choose what to I do with it.” I added to sound just as stiff and officious as the people around me. “I offer my deepest apologies.”

I probably bungled the whole damn thing but whatever. Suicide by government official would be a pretty interesting story when I wake up.

“LI.” Boomed the executor. His arms crossed in front of him. “I HAVE HAD-”

I didn’t have to look at him to know what he was going to say, so I shrugged off the reprimand and walked out. “I’ll get on cleaning the bathrooms sir. You can hold my allowance.”

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**   


Cleaning bathrooms isn’t so bad when you can turn off your sense of smell.

I could do without seeing people make out in there though. Seriously, that can’t be sanitary. The faces they made when I pulled out the mop were pretty funny though. 

I’m just glad that it’s the C-Sec bathrooms rather than gas station ones because cheap food and drugs does not make for a fun cleaning time. Of course, nothing runs on gas anymore so I won’t have to worry about that at least. Now I have to worry about being hit by a car when I’m not on ground floor, so it’s an even trade off.

Right?

Probably not.

Still, I’m doing mindless grunt work which means my mind is free to wander and peruse all the useless thoughts I’ve accumulated for the day. Plus the cleaning supplies smell enough like the contents of a septic tank for people to avoid me which means I won’t get interrupted unless it’s something important.

Like Garrus barging in. “Li! What was that all about?”

“What was what about?” I asked. I do a lot of weird things and it really shouldn’t be a surprise by now.

“You know what I’m talking about!” Hissed Garrus. “I can’t believe you’d be so reckless as to insult the primarch to his face!”

“Yeah. Well, I wasn’t about to stand there and be insulted by someone. Especially over my rights as a living creature”

“Oh don’t get started on that again. You always use that excuse.” He groaned. “Are you ever going to stop whining over nothing?”

“Really?” I gaped. “Whining over nothing?” I could feel myself heating with anger. “I’ll have you know. My complaints were perfectly justified. Your constant griping about protocol on the other hand is just bratty entitled [MOO]!”

“I- Unlike you- am not whining about stupid things like my allowance. My duty as a C-Sec officer is to stop the perp and I can’t do that with you getting underfoot every time!”

“‘Your duty as a C-sec offi-’ You’ve got to be [HONK]ing joking. You just use your job as an excuse to kill people and show off!”

“Excuse me?!” That was not the right thing to say. If garrus was intimidating before he was downright terrifying now.

Still, I couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out. “YOU SHOT OUT MY EYE!”

“You’re a robot You can handle that!”

“You don’t get to make that choice for me!” I cried “You also don’t get to shoot down skycars!”

“It stopped the Krogan didn’t it!”

“ I WAS INSIDE THE PUG-FUGLY THING YOU IGNORAMUS! Plus the Plagg had nothing to do with redsand! It was the Salarian that stole his [Honk]ing skycar!!”

“Look, Mech. I know you aren’t exactly familiar with the laws and fugitives here but you’d have to be defective to not notice that the Krogan was the bigger danger to the public.”

“ _I’m_  not the one who has issues staying on task.  _I’m_ ALSO not the one public is afraid of.” I shot back. 

His mandibles flared in rage. “Who. Do. You. Think. You. Are.”

“A messed up human being. ” Was my response. “And Definitely not a self righteous asshole lookin’ for bragging rights.”

I was about to continue when someone walked into the bathroom. 

“For a second I thought I heard children yapping in the stalls.” Hummed Ajax. “It appears I was mistaken. Or perhaps not.” He stared at us both with accusing eyes.

Were we really that loud? 

Whatever. 

I turned to Ajax. “I’m done cleaning here. Don’t mess things up.”

“Mech. We aren’t done-”

I could hear Garrus calling after me as I left.

“Yeah we are.”  

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

My shift lasted forever. I can’t tell how much time i’ve spent filling out forms ever since the recent change in gun regulations.

What a joke. The galaxy has advance to the point where even people on minimum wage can afford a smartphone way beyond anything even the government could afford in my time and paper is still used. 

I suppose that’s one way to guard against hackers. Can’t hack a pile of plant fibers and animal skins after all. Filling out all the forms takes so much time though. At least I have an excuse not to talk to people. 

“Li. You are needed down in interrogation.” Called Sepin when he stuck his head into the office.

Goddammit.

“Of course I do.” I sighed. Then I coughed awkwardly as a response to the stares. “Right. I’m out.”

It’s rare that I’m asked to interrogate someone. Usually it’s because they need information from someone who’s really young or they need a lie detector because the person they are talking to is pissed off and about to go on a rampage.

Yeah, that’s right. I’m either the punching bag for angry assholes or i have to deal with kids who wont stop crying. This is my life now.

Woo.

At least they had the decency to brief me on the situation verbally rather than just sending the files to my head.

I knocked on the door twice to announce my arrival before entering the room. Sure enough, sitting by the table with garrus was a young human girl. A very young girl. She couldn’t have been more than three years old. She looked like she had been crying.

“Hello.” I called as I hopped onto the table. “Are you hurt?”

The child remained sullen as she stared at the table.

“Look. Kid. We need that info. Can you please tell us what you saw?” SIghed Garrus as he loomed across the table.

“No!” She shook her head furiously and sniffled again. “He’ll hurt my mama.”

Okay. Male suspect. That only leaves half the possible population. Joy.

I cocked my head. “Who?”

“NO. Not talking to monsters!”

“We’re not monsters! We’r C-Sec!” Huffed the Turian “ We can save your mother, but we need to know what happened to find her. Where is she?” Demanded Garrus. 

She shook her head vehemently in disagreement. I can’t say I blame her. But given that Garrus looked like he was about to explode I ought to step in.

“What’s your name?”

“Miffie” She sniffed. “Miffie.”

“Miffie?” I confirmed. 

“Yeah.”

“Look Li. We don’t-” Okay, someone clearly didn’t know how to deal with little kids.

“Garrus. Shut up!” I snarled. Then turned to back to Mifa. “Do you want a hug? I promise I’m warm.”

I held out my arms and Miffie accepted wordlessly. 

She held me for close to half an hour as she bawled. 

I didn’t know the context aside from something regarding blackmail and a serial killer so I couldn’t offer anything other than platitudes. Even so, it seemed to help her calm down.

Eventually she let go and settled back into her seat. 

“Feeling better?” I asked

“Yeah.” Nodded the child.

“Where’s your mom?” I asked.

“Mama’s sick.” She answered. 

“But where is she?” Repeated Garrus. “That’s what we need to know?”

“Mama’s sick!” Insisted Miffie. 

Garrus’s mandibles flared in irritation again. “Alright. Look. We don’t have time for this. I’m getting-”

“Garrus. The fact that you are so keen to have someone mind meld with a toddler is very concerning.” I hissed. “It’ll turn her into a vegetable if it goes wrong.”

“She’s our only lead on a serial killer.” He hissed back in response. “If we don’t get that info hundreds of others could die! So stop pandering to the brat!”

Oooookay. That definitely changes things.

“She’s an infant!” But not that much. 

“Kill one save a dozen!” Snapped Garrus

“Spare me the bullshit.” I hissed back. I glanced back at the toddler who looked terrified of the big spiky monster. “And get out! Go check the cat synths or something. You’re scaring her.”

“Okay Miffie. What’s your mama like?”

“Not telling!” Miffie gave me the stink eye.

“I’m not asking where your mama is. I just want to know what she’s like.”

“Mama’s hair’s yellow and she’s super tall and her eyes are grey and she’s wearing a paper dress. She has booboos and she’d sick.”

“Is your mama sick in bed?”

Miffie nodded. “Yeah. Mama had a booboo. Right here.” She pointed at her head, then at her heart. “And here.”

Head and heart troubles sick enough to be bedridden? The hospital maybe? “What kind of booboo?”

“The ouchie kind.” 

Not helpful.

“Earlier today. Did anything bad happen?”

Miffie sniffled a few times before bursting into tears again. “The Giant monster came and he was mean to papa. Then he ate papa! Papa got a booboo and he won’t wake up!”

I reached out and gave her another hug.

Ah…. Poor kid. Wait. Giant Monster.

Is this the same case I had look into right before the whole kidnapping hullabaloo? 

“Oh how awful!” I exclaimed. “What did the monster look like?”

“Big and ugly.” Insisted the Girl.

“Was he spiky?”

Miffie shook her head. “No. He was a gorilla monster.”

A gorilla monster. An alien that looks like a gorilla. An elcor? Or a Krogan.

“Did the monster find you?”

“Papa told me to hide. So I hid in the closet. But the monster found me anyway.” Sobbed the little girl. “He was gonna eat me too. And then Bunny cat came.”

“Bunny cat?” The hell?

“Yeah! Like you. Only Grey.” Miffie wiped her nose and cleaned her hand on me. “The bunny cat hissed at the monster.”

I’m going to have to check the network then. Some of them can live stream video footage. “Did the er… Bunny cat do anything else?”

“The monster got all glowy and stuff. And then Bunny cat got squished.” She sniffed.

Biotics? That helps. Considerably actually. Biotic Krogan were pretty rare. Elcor too.

We both fell silent for a while. 

Somehow, I doubt that I’ll be able to get much more out of her. Which is great. That means I can dump the rest of the work on the rest of the guys while I grab some ice cream for the girl.

“Alright. I think that’s enough frowny faces for today.” I rubbed the back of my head as I tried to think of something to say.  “Thanks for telling me what happened. Do you like ice cream?”

“Yeah.”

“How about I get you some as thanks. Which flavor do you want?”

“Chocolate, and vanilla, and mango.” The brat screwed up her face in concentration. “Can I get three scoops? With sprinkles? And Caramel?”

“Sure. Can you wait here?”

“Yeah.”

I patted Miffie’s head a few times before hopping down and leaving the room.

As I stepped outside, Garrus came walking back with an asari in tow, the counselor actually. 

“I got the story from the kid. I’m getting her ice cream now.”

“Oh!” Gasped the woman. “I- Excellent. Be sure to forward the clip to the investigators alright?”

I nodded and went on my merry way. 

I could feel Garrus staring as I walked, but that’s fine.

**Author's Note:**

> AN:
> 
> I got writers block. It's really bad. So i figured that a writing prompt couldn't hurt.
> 
> Well, Guess who drew self insert and mass effect out of my prompt box. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this but now I have plot bunnies.
> 
> I got the robot idea from Poelinal-Whitestrake's A Woman and Her Wolf.
> 
> Either way, enjoy the story and leave a comment.


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